Love story bullshit?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by OoOlAlA, Dec 24, 2006.

  1. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Messages:
    596
    Likes Received:
    0
    Alright I just went and saw The holiday last night and I keep wondering if love stories are just feeding women a bunch of shit. The men in all these stories like The notebook and stuff are super sweet and do cute things and all that. You know what I am talking about. Well I have never came across a guy like that so I was wondering if there really are guys out there like that. Have any of you girls ever came across one? Everytime I come out of a chick flick I always think "Aww..I want one, where the hell do I find one?" So the point of this would be, is there really is a majority of men out there like this and I just havent found one?...Or are these movies just really giving girls bullshit ideas?
     
  2. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    1,101
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ,,,_(õ_Ô)_,,,
    The movies are for the most part Bee Ess.

    The movies exagerate the "cute" and thoughtful things guys do, and by doing so, make women belive that they need that kind of stuff, when in reality, to do that would take all of the guys time, to just think of little things lik that to do, because we can't use the same things over and over again. God forbid we use anything we saw in a movie, that's just not acceptable, nope, it has to be original.

    What most women fail to realize, is that most of that cute stuff, was either:

    a) Thought up by a bunch of writers, trying to get the women that watch the movie all wet.

    b) Taken from real life, but not just what one guy did, but many guys over a number of years, that made women go "ahhh, isn't that sweet".

    c) Taken from other movies, with some details changed and a new setting with a new actor, so that it seems fresh, when in reality it's just recycled BS.

    I've tried to be that guy, that's all fresh and amazing, and thoughtful, etc, well moreso than I already was, to be on par with the movie BS that comes out, and holy shit is that so much work.

    There's no way to be able to make a living, provide for the future, spend time with friends (a key component of these movies), AND be able to be that guy that these movies portray.

    Also what women fail to realize is that the movie is only an hour and a half long, so everything seems great, and there's no need to re-use a cute or thoughtful thing that was already done, because due to the short time, there's no need to. But life lasts, well a lifetime, so there's a lot more "filler time", that there won't be cute or wonderful things happening, but real life will be happening.

    Life isn't all bliss and smiles, but you can make it that way by realizing that who your with is only human, they may forget a few things, they may try and make you smile, they might make mistakes, but if thier love is true, it's worth holding on to.
     
  3. tropic of carnage

    tropic of carnage New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2005
    Messages:
    235
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North
    mmm my boyfriend comes pretty close. He calls me right at six (when I get off work) he doest say hi or anything he just says "I love you with all my heart." He brings me dinner when I am at work. He will sneak out in the middle of the night to wash my car. He drops off roses and leaves them on the bed for me to find (no reason) Lots of stuff. Of course he is also a normal guy who watches hockey and is obsessed with his truck, but I like the equal balance.
    cliffs: They exist!!!
     
  4. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2006
    Messages:
    2,236
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    My ex-girlfriend's current boyfriend fits along those lines. You just gotta keep looking, I suppose. :big grin: (Although, I will say that they're a major rarity)
     
  5. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    6,218
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    You'd get tired of a guy who is constantly doing corny shit like that all of the time. Its cool once and a while. A guy should do special things for his lady. On occasion.

    You'd take it for granted if your dude constantly showered you with that stuff.
     
  6. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA
    appreciate the little things; i find guys do plenty of them.
     
  7. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2006
    Messages:
    3,266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan
    I agree with Viper. These guys exist. What the real problem is, women aren't actually looking for them. Nice guys come off as needy or wanting, and thus is a big turn off to women.
     
  8. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Women like nice guys as friends. But they don't like them as partners, because it may seem like they are attempting to buy their love and attention. That and as others have said, the guy can seem needy.

    It's like having someone suck up to you all the time...it gets old, fast.

    I'm not saying guys shouldn't be nice to women, but a guy's world shouldn't revolve around a woman either. A guy needs to have his own life.
     
  9. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    100% agree.
     
  10. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2005
    Messages:
    15,951
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Charlotte, NC
    .
     
  11. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    :werd: It's an idea that looks good on paper (and on film) but in reality it's SHIT.
     
  12. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    i believe that women are most attracted to men who at times pull them in, then at other times push them away

    push - pull

    The "nice guy" is unwilling to push her away under any circumstances, and ultimately this is why he fails
     
  13. giapia

    giapia Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you re

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2005
    Messages:
    7,065
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SoCal
    i've found them, i've dated a few. i wouldn't say they're the majority.
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    I am one of these guys who does "cute" things. Maybe. I don't know. When I first met my ex-gf she became immediately very into me. Part of this was just because I had good "stats" (well-educated, good body, sense of humor), things a girl can check off in her head. Mostly though it was because she wasn't used to being treated well. I remember after the first week of being together I had to go back to college for a while. I told her that I thought it was absurd to expect commitment after knowing each other for a week, but that she seemed like an amazing person. So I asked her if she could send me a text message if somebody else caught her while I was away, just so I would know. She looked at me. She said, "No one else is going to catch me." :)

    We had some weird, melancholic goodbye sex. I sent her home in a cab. Later on we became gf and bf. She told me, after, that she had been crying in the cab ride home that night because nobody had treated her this well before.

    But eventually after being with someone long enough, if they get very very into you, you take them off the pedestal you originally put them on. Remember, I had these good "stats" - things that will go over well with a girl if she goes on a date with me. So initially, on first impression, I am this very, very eligible guy, which is intimidating.

    Then as time went on she realized I was not intimidating the way she first thought. It's hard to be intimidated by someone when they are constantly affectionate. I was VERY into this girl. This made me naturally act very nice to her. I hated it when she felt bad about something so I always made her feel good.

    Moreover I revealed the fact that by and large, I am actually very shy. I find it difficult to meet people. Why did I reveal this fact? Not because I was ashamed. I just wanted her to know who I actually was. The real me vs. an image of me.

    Needless to say this consistent stream of nice treatment began to get on her nerves. So I have to agree with Viper, Yail, huntz0r, Matt, Blazin, and busydoin.

    Think about why it's good in the movies but not IRL.

    The guy in the movie, say, Jude Law, is ridiculously good looking. He could clearly get with any person he wants to. THEN the fact that he chooses the main character and treats her so well, then it is a turn-on. It's a VARIANT of a common fantasy. Dating the leader of the pack and then finding him soften for you. It's a guy who doesn't need to be all nice and shit, being all nice and shit. That's why the fantasy works.

    If it were a REAL PERSON in that movie, with average looks, supplicating, it would just be like ... why do we care? For the girls watching that movie. The joy of having the guy be nice or "cute" is that he is so eligible, but that he's choosing YOU to be nice to.
     
  15. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Messages:
    596
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well sometimes I think this is ruining my relationship. Pretty much everytime I watch a new one of these movies I get upset with my boyfriend. I dont know if its just him or if these movies are putting ideas in my head so I expect more from him. This is beginning to be a real problem because I am getting really mad at him a lot lately. Sometimes to the point of where I want to break up with him, but I guess I am too weak to do that. I think it could be a combo of both. I think he is probly a jerk and I have to high of expectations.
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    No, he probably is a jerk, and you probably are too inexperienced to recognize that fact confidently. So instead of thinking he's a jerk, which he probably is, you think you're just being insecure. Don't do anything without trying to talk it out with him first, because that would be wrong.
     
  17. armond

    armond New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2003
    Messages:
    2,389
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    I made my own thread in response to this. The guys sounds like he does very little, but then this is all one-sided.

    Don't expect the sweet stuff everyday, it is very hard to keep up with it!!
     
  18. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    :bowdown:VERY well put!
     
  19. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    :werd: Breakfast in bed once a month, or maybe every other week is reasonable; but if you want eggs and bacon every morning on a silver tray, you're out of your mind. (Just a metaphor...)
     
  20. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Messages:
    596
    Likes Received:
    0
    I cant talk to him about anything. Whenever I get mad I try to figure out why I am. He usually ignores me or tells me I am crazy and making problems up in my head. He wont listen to what I have to say ever. Its always me and always my fault. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that it could maybe be me. I know sometimes I go a little overboard, but he usually triggers it all. He just tells me I have issues and he is doing nothing wrong but so many things that he does makes me feel really bad. He rarely does anything nice for me thats why I started this thread to see if this is normal. In the beginning of the relationship he was very nice to me and now he isnt. He told me I was a bad girlfriend for not giving him the xmas present I bought him (We have been butting heads for a long time and I thought it would be stupid to give it to him) He also said the same day that he fucked up by ever talking to me. After that I go get mad or cry and then he will NOT apologize. He usually will never apologize to me and then I say thats a big sign that he doesnt really give a shit about me and then he will say I am crazy. I am really stuck at this point. I have tried to leave but I cant. I know what he can be, he just chooses not to be that guy. As soon as he was old enough to go to the bar everythign changed. He never chooses me over the bar and I said that was a problem and he said I was trying to control him. He goes out every damn weekend. I cannot figure this guy out. He sends different messages all the time. Its almost like he is two different people. One of them I like, one of them I hate. Its just really beginning to be a problem because I have SOOOO much anger built up towards him that sometimes I think maybe I am going a little crazy.

    Edit: BTW we have been together 1 1/2 yrs.
     
  21. JJM Enterprises

    JJM Enterprises New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2006
    Messages:
    131
    Likes Received:
    0
    There are plenty of nice guys, and nice girls as well... but like a few have said, the issue is the attraction. That's why movies (for the most part) are filled with good looking people. Everyone wants the nice sweet and GOOD LOOKING partner. Sure you might take a nice sweet average person, but it's not really what you're after.
     
  22. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    Tell him exactly what you just posted here. As astounding as it may seem, he probably has no idea what's coming to him.
     
  23. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Messages:
    596
    Likes Received:
    0
    Beleive me I have. He will not listen. He says I am trying to put him on a guilt trip, am insecure, and crazy. He will never listen to what I have to say. I can sit and cry my ass off in front of him and he still thinks he did nothing wrong...I do not know what to do about him.
     
  24. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    1,101
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ,,,_(õ_Ô)_,,,
    If this is completly as you say, this will be one of the only times I will suggest you drop his ass.

    That would be what is refered to as "emotional abuse".

    Read the book called Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul T. Mason, M.S. and Randi Kreger Published by:New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

    And the one that will probably apply most directly:

    (How to stop being abused and how to stop abusing) The Emotionally Abusive Relationship by Beverly Engel Published by Wiley (John Wiley & Sons, Inc.)
     
  25. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Messages:
    596
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know I should. Its just so hard to start all over with someone.
     

Share This Page