SRS Love, Money, Status

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Ideotique, Jan 21, 2009.

  1. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    I don’t know what to do. I just need to write this down and let go of some shit.

    Ok. I went to the UK for a few months last year from Australia. It was to scope out a possible move over there as well as to have a much needed holiday.

    While I was there I met a great girl, and had a blast with her. But unlike the other random hookups I had over there we both actually felt like there was a connection. Since I arrived back in Australia we’ve talked quite a bit and are in a quasi LDR. I’m 23 and work in property development/urban design. She’s 25 and is a student doing her MA in English.

    Everything was going great until just recently, when a couple of things happened.
    1) economic collapse. Suddenly my proposals for work over there dried up quicker than a puddle in death valley.
    2) Work offered me a substantial pay rise if I decide to stay with them (close to 50%)
    Now, I really enjoy my work, not just for the money but because I enjoy what I do. She feels somewhat intimidated (her words) by what I do as she is uncertain of what she wants to do. She feels she doesn’t “measure up” to what I want/need in a partner – she likes me blah blah blah but doesn’t want me to regret anything. I mentioned that pay rise in passing because she knows all about my struggles at work but I honestly didn’t expect the reaction I got – that I should stay and forget about her.

    I’m not moving over to be with her alone – I’m moving over because it’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while. But if I can’t find a job it’s just going to put unnecessary strain on things and won’t make me happy.

    I don’t quite know where I am going with this, but just want to bounce some ideas around. My current thinking is if I can’t get work, then I’m going to call the whole thing off and she’ll come out for a holiday, something she has been thinking about. We can reconsider our options then and see what happens. If I can get a job then I’ll probably head over and once again see what happens.

    Sorry for the ramble, but I’m confused as hell. I mean, I really like her, but I don’t know whether to read this as a minor freak out or a get out of my life kind of thing.

    The thing that really fucking sucks is that off all the girls I’ve dated/lived with this felt different from the start. Felt I could open up to her more and all that shit. Know it sounds soppy and clichéd and all that, but it’s the truth.
     
  2. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    Low interest in you, she is making excuses, abort.

    My 2 cents.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    How about letting her move to your place?
     
  4. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    I think that you should have her over for that holiday before you make any decisions about continuing or ending the relationship. You need to spend more time with this person to try to get to know her as well as you possibly can, before you let the relationship be a factor in whether or not you decide to move. I think it would be best to have her face to face with you and get all your relationship issues settled eye to eye. You will then know more about where you stand and where she stands.

    Don't bother trying to interpret her message if you don't know what she means. Straight up ask her if what she wants is to just break if off, and clearly communicate your feelings. State that if she wants to break it off, that's her decision, but if she is only worried about her shortcomings, reassure her that it is not an issue (if it isn't) and it's something that you accept and can deal with.
     
  5. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    The girl above me has a point, this is your life. This isn't a crush. So take your time, you'll know what's best as you get closer to the target. No rushing, plans change, so don't confine yourself. You know what they say: Planning is priceless but plans are useless.
     
  6. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    Damm good advice. I'm really thinking of putting things on hold due to economic circumstances (I'm not moving around the world without a job. I'm not that stupid). Get her out for a holiday and actually work things through. If it works it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

    But I don't think it's low interest. It's more of a freakout. And I've already told her the things she is worried about haven't even crossed my mind.

    Cheers. Needed that vent and all that. Felt good just putting it down on paper.

    If things work out great, and I'll give it my best. If not I'll move on. Plenty more around I'm sure.
     
  7. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    You'll work it out. My girlfriend lives in Italy, so I understand how distance works.
     
  8. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    Cheers for that

    Makes it hard, but if I can make it work it'll be worth it.

    Just have to see what happens. I'll call her on the weekend to actually talk about what's going on.
     
  9. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    I have toyed with girls that said similar stuff to me(what I bolded), and i went to great lengths, and in the end I ended up getting the shaft. I have had the "different" feelings from the start before too, and you know what? I met someone else and it was even more different for the good. The intensity of different the next time around was like doubled at least. Who is not to say that could happen to you? Are you too uncertain or unsure of your self to take that risk? I was, and other circumstances forced me out of a lot of that-now that i look back, i am grateful for the circumstances!

    edit: sorry, I just read Daria's response. There is truth to it-I missed the contact part. You should take more time to see how it is in person-because what someone says and what they do are two different animals.
     
  10. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    Oh, just to clarify, we have spent time together (as in this is not an online thing) and know how each other are in realtiy rather than as online beings. The only online stuff is communication after we met.
     

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