SRS Love, Lust or Am I Going Crazy?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Wrxer, Jul 6, 2006.

  1. Wrxer

    Wrxer New Member

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    Just want someone else's opinion on my current situation. Long story but if anyone can help, much appreciated. I just want someone's opinion who i don't know, who can look at this unbaised.

    A couple of months ago my bestfriend tells me she's in love with me. At first i though it was a joke cause were always goofing around, but she sat me down one day and pretty much poured her heart out. I never thought of her in that way or anything so i kept my mouth shut and didn't really tell her anything back. Once i got home i realized how stupid it was not to say anything, so i called her and told her i wanted to meet her for lunch the following day.

    The next day i told her how i felt, and that i returned her feelings too. I mean this girl to me has it all and she has been the only girl that i have known that i have had a "healthy" realtionship with in terms of gf or just friend. We get along, no fights, same interests etc.

    The problem, she has a bf. I am cool with the bf but it's not like i call him out to hang out. She tells me she's leaving her bf, but she hasen't because now she's "confused". She says she doesn't love him and wants to leave him.

    Now for the past two months she keeps texting me about how she loves me, wants to be with me and all this other ish. Also there's the phone calls like 5 times a night and talking about being with me. My responce is always "if you want to be with me why don't you leave him?" and her's is "i am confused, what should i do?". I have tried giving her advice but it always goes in one ear and out the other, so i stopped and i just tell her "she's old enough to know what she want and she should do it".

    This girl is driving me fricking insane. Last week for example i went out with some friends and she called me. I didn't want to answer so my friend answers (girl). The girl hangs up the phone when my friend answers and calls one of our mutal friends to call me to find out which "girl" is answering my phone. Our mutal friend told me she was mad that some girl was answering my phone and she didn't like me hanging out with other girls. I was like WTF, she won't leave her bf but i can't hang out with other girls.

    My friends and some of our mutal friends have told me they think this girl is just messing with my head and she's not for real, but for some reason i can't just forget about her. I have tried and tried and nothing works.

    Then to top things off one of our mutal friend's keeps telling me that the girl is for real and i shouldn't think shes messing with my head. I trust the person telling me this which makes it worst beacuse it gives me a glimmer of hope and makes it harder to forget about her.

    Well thats the story, for anyone who read it thank you, help me. Personally i think i am going insane, i have been in love before but never this messed up.

     
  2. maskednegator

    maskednegator Kosmonaut, best we've got...

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    Run Screaming.
     
  3. N-Word-Jim

    N-Word-Jim Cure for boredom

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    should have never told her how you felt :rofl: Just tell her to leave her boyfriend and stop talking to her until she does.
     
  4. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    Okay, heres the deal: The girl wants to be with you, but she isnt strong enough emotionally to leave her bf yet. she doesnt want to leave him and then you turn around and reject her. she wants to make sure that youll be committed and loving towards her..BEFORE she becomes your gf, becasue she is testing you. she wants u to act like her ideal bf, so that she knows she has something to look forward to when she dumps her bf. Get it?? so...
    1. act as you would towards her and other people if the the two of you are together. ie. no girls picking up the phone
    2. reinforce how good of a bf youll be, etc. and how youll be there for her to lean on.
    Good luck!!
     
  5. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Doesn't sound healthy to me.
    Nope, nope.
    If she really LOVED you, wated to be with you and all that other jazz, she wouldn't be clinging to that other guy.
    Calling and hanging up...who needs that childishness and drama?
    Holy Doodle.
     
  6. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Hmm so basically you're saying he should act like his nuts have been cut off. That's terrible advice.

    IMO I think you should tell her to get her act straight and if she wants to be with you then leave the bf. Also get the point across that you guys are not tied to each other in any other way except a friendship, and you're going to do what you want, when you want, with whoever you want.

    Don't be a pussy.
     
  7. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    BS. She is very much strong enough. I can't stand it when people act like these girls are simply confused victims. THEY ARE NOT! She knows very well what she is doing no matter how much she plays the "confused" card. What she is getting from this is double the attention, and the best of both worlds. She's basically getting both guys, she's manipulating and controlling both guys, and the OP is letting it happen.

    One day some of you will grow up and see the situation like it is. I am not just talking about this situation, I've been dealing with relationship help for 4 years now and this kind of BS from girls is COMMON, and they all get the best of both worlds. Double attention. A feeling of power and manipulation.

    What does the OP do? TAKE CONTROL! I would never have been in this situation if I were the OP.

    I would have told her from the start, "If you are in love with me then you need to break up with your boyfriend because it's not fair to him. I don't date girls who are taken. Do the right thing."

    If she pulled this, "Well I don't know what to do, I am confused." I would have said:

    "BS. If you are interested in me then the ONLY thing to do is to break up with your boyfriend. Take care of that first then call me. If you don't then don't bother bringing this up to me again. I don't date people who have boyfriends."

    And that's that. The OP didn't do that. He followed her lead and played along with this victim BS and tried to console her and offer advice. No freaking way. YOU take the lead. You don't advise, you TELL HER EXACTLY what she needs to do, and tell her that if she doesn't, forget it.
     
  8. Wrxer

    Wrxer New Member

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    Man that's what she say's every time i talk to her. I have tried telling her i don't want to talk to her untill she's single but she turns around on me and says if i don't talk to her that means i don't feel for her. WTF do i do?
     
  9. kakariko

    kakariko Purple Member OT Supporter

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    run.. now.. this doesn't sound like a good situation to be in
     
  10. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Then forget her. What she is doing there is manipulating you. Can't you see that? It's as clear as day. If a girl said that to me when everyone who has a brain knows that I did care for her then I would tell her that after saying that, she's right, I no longer care for her like that because she's being manipulative and I don't date manipulative girls. Bottom line. And I would not talk to her about this shit ever again because all she will be trying to do is sucker you back in somehow. She'd have proven to me that she is not the type of girl I would ever want to get involved with. There are so many good women out there who will never even think to pull that blame crap on you when it is her who is the one being shady. It just shows she is a worthless partner. First she's cheating IMO by even telling you about this when she has a boyfriend, and then she's playing the confused victim card when it's all in her control, and when you tell her to make up her mind she tries to tell you that you don't have any feelings for her? What a worthless woman. This is trouble that is obvious from a mile away. Ditch her man, don't fall into this drama crap. She's not relationship material.
     
  11. kackel champion

    kackel champion faces always are changing lies and disguise for th

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    you do not love her.
    you are emotionally attached because she has used you for her emotional crutch for quite awhile.

    you are not going crazy.

    take control of that which you can control. this girl is acting like she's 16. if she's any older than 19 or 20 then run for the hills cuz this broad is nuts. otherwise she'll grow up eventually.

    make a decision...no matter what it is...and stick with it. common voice here has been to launch, and that sounds like a good idea because when she does break up w/ her b/f, which will happen eventually, she will come crawling back to you anyway and by then you'll be far better off because you will have released the emotional attachment and closeness that you had before.

    the kackel has spoken
     
  12. Wrxer

    Wrxer New Member

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    Thanks for the advice man. What you wrote has really made me stop and think about it. I though i was in love with her....but i think your right with the emotional crutch bit. (She's 25 btw, same age as me) It's just hard getting over this because we have the same circle of friends so i see her a lot. I guess with time.

    Glad someone else thinks i am NOT going crazy:)
     
  13. NJGuy

    NJGuy "Fuckmefuckmefuckmefuckmef uckmefuckmefuckmefuckm OT Supporter

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    :bigthumb:
     

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