SRS Love is a mother f*cker

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Jadix, Jan 21, 2006.

  1. Jadix

    Jadix The Nice Guy

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2006
    Messages:
    7,877
    Likes Received:
    0
    Let me start off with this: Love is a mother fucker.

    ok.

    A year ago, I was a freshmen in college. I was experiencing a new world with unlimited oppurtunities at my fingertips. I was meeting new people and generally a very happy person. Then I met a girl. She happened to live down the hall from me in my dorm, and had been friends since the begining of the year. We took a road trip together to a concert in San Diego and I kissed her for the first time during "Its a wild world" by barrington levy. For the rest of the year we were very happy. We had an awesome sex life, a fun social life (we went to Rosarito Mexico for spring break together), and we were even best friends. I thought I was in love with her, but she had told me plenty of times to never say it unless I meant it, and I totally agreed. We never told eachother we loved eachother.

    So then summer came. I live in northern california (when not in school), and she grew up in Japan. two months went by and I hadn't seen her. I was doing summer school in santa barbara (we both go to UCSB), and she was working in Japan. One night we were talking on the phone and she said she was lonely, and really missed me, and I told her the same. She half-jokingly/wishfully asked me to go visit her in Japan, and I thought about it for a second or two and told her I would. I dropped the rest of my summerschool classes, bought a passport (PAIN IN THE ASS), bought a plane ticket (800 bucks round trip...not cheap for a college student), and two weeks later I was in Tokyo, on a bus, and she was going to pick me up when it stopped.

    When I stepped off the bus and saw her, my chest felt lighter than ever, and my stomach got some butterflies. My lungs made me quickly inhale, and I found it difficult to let the breath back out. I was in love.

    The next day, we went for a walk in the park near her childhood home, and I was thinking about how to say that I loved her. She sat me down and looked in my eyes and told me she had something she wanted to talk about. So I said, ok me too...but you first. :x: Then she said "I met another guy, and I dont think I can be with you anymore." :eek4:

    I stayed in Japan for the next two weeks. I rode around the streets alone, and I couldn't speak to anyone. I stayed with her family, but I didn't like being there. :wtc: The pain was unbearable, and the tears were my worst enemy because I couldn't stop them. I drank a lot, because I could. When I got back to Santa Barbara for the new school year I wasn't myself. I didn't want to talk to anyone, and my relationships with friends started to hurt. I never knew the true pain/emptiness of depression until the last few months. When I dream at night she is always there, and she is lying next to me, and I'm holding her, I can feel her hand in mine, and then I wake up and I'm cold.

    I've tried telling her how I feel about her, but she doesn't care. She never visits anymore (she used to be really good friends with all of my friends, she was part of the group), she only parties and has a new group of friends. I haven't seen her for over a month, but I've heard she is VERY VERY skinny, and not eating.

    I dont know what to do. When I see her, my whole chest turns into that of a multiple stab wound victim, and I can almost feel the blood trickling down my stomach. At the same time, when I realize I'll never get to hear her laugh again, my eyes swell with tears. I want to be her friend, and I want to mash her head in. I care about her so much, and I'm worried about her eating (she was annorexic in highschool).

    How can I reach her? How can I get things between us to be ok again? How can I make the pain go away when I see her? If I pretend like everything is fine for long enough...will it eventually be ok?
     
  2. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2005
    Messages:
    7,670
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MA
    Hmm.. strange. I have trouble understanding how she could replace what seemed to be like a great relationship in just a few weeks. That's not the point any more though, gotta focus on the situation at hand. I don't know what your chances are to be with her again but honestly doesn't seem to good to me. Seems like she wants no part of you at all. But I'm sure you could get a friendship.. more than that it's looking grim. If I were you, the first thing I'd want to do is find out what happened from her.. how/why you got replaced so quick. You could tell her how much you feel for her.. but I don't know if that's gonna do much help.. Instead of that you could ask to be friends then maybe hope for the future..

    It could even be better to jsut let it go. I don't expect you would do that though really sounds like you love her a lot. That's tough to get over.. if you ever get over it..

    I feel for you though man.. love makes life real tough.. but it can make it real good too..
     
  3. Jadix

    Jadix The Nice Guy

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2006
    Messages:
    7,877
    Likes Received:
    0
    Man, see you think exactly like I do. I've tried asking her multiple times what happened...what did I do or not do? She never has an answer. She says she saw me when I got off the bus and everything she felt was gone. Just like that. She says what we had was real, but its over. I've told her how much I feel for her, but she says things like "Well we're not the same person...what am I supposed to say?" And shes right! I cant make her love me, and I wouldn't want to. I'd want her to love me because she does, i want it to be real. She never mentioned the other guy again, and as far as I know she hasn't even seen him since. He doesn't live anywhere near santa barbara, so I dont know what the fuck happened.

    I told her I just want to be friends again, and she said ok...but its awkward. The one time i saw her she was super drunk and hanging on to one of my other friends the whole time. I think they have a little something together, but I'm not worried about that now. I know I'll never get her back, and I dont own her and cant control her. I dont think we'll ever be close friends again. Theres nothing I can do.

    I've been with a girl or two since the break up, but I'm just thinkin about her the whole time...so its not fair for them. Its not healthy for me to keep thinking about her...but shes in my fucking dreams!
     
  4. LS Boy

    LS Boy OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2000
    Messages:
    36,933
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Hawaii
    i know how it is bro. i read this thread and i can reallly relate...not that ive been in that situation but for some reason, its like a de ja vu for me.

    on the other hand.....i wouldnt start dating or seeing any other girls yet.
    just like me, its been over a lil a week now since my gf dump me for someone.....but as much as i wanna be with anyone.....i just cant. coz i know whats gonna happen----imma compare them to my ex and think about my ex instead of focusin on them. so if i were you keep busy...and workout or something.

    for me since i already work out daily since i was with my ex....i decided to get a part time night job as a bouncer----and godly enough, plenty of girls out there. :x:

    BE HAPPY ABOUT YOURSELF FIRST, before you make SOMEONE HAPPY.
     
  5. Jadix

    Jadix The Nice Guy

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2006
    Messages:
    7,877
    Likes Received:
    0
    I like that. Thanks.

    But no, I really do need to go find someone else. She left me in late August, almost 5 months ago.
     
  6. Jebby44

    Jebby44 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2006
    Messages:
    740
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Calgary, Canada

    I used that as a guidline before I jumped into my next relationship, and i feel it was the best thing to do.
     
  7. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    25,647
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    dca -> nyc -> sfo -> san -> phl
    japanese girls are known to do that.. you show up in japan whether you knew them at home or not, and they'll tell you something different when you arrive.

    I've heard about it quite a few times now.. makes me fucking wonder.

    You're going to have to get over her.. you can't live to try and catch those who don't want you. IF she did, she wouldn't leave you high and dry in tokyo.
     
  8. Jadix

    Jadix The Nice Guy

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2006
    Messages:
    7,877
    Likes Received:
    0
    Even though she grew up in Japan, she attended the american school in japan the entire time. If you met her, you would have no idea shes ever even been to japan. Still, interesting nonetheless.

    I saw her yesterday. She looks like she lost about 20-30 lbs. Should I say something about this to her? Shes not eating enough...but I'm afraid if I try to tell her she will take it the wrong way, or push me away more and eat even less. I dont know if her eating has anything to do with me or not, I always told her she was beautiful, and she always was. Im worried...
     
  9. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    Actually Japaneese girls these days are known for getting into eating disorders and whatnot; its the latest trend there just as it is here.

    Now this isn't to get your hopes up, but I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say that when her family found out about you (I assume you aren't asian?) they didn't approve, and forced her to cut ties with you and your circle. And thus, the new group she's with are partiers, who like skinny anhorexic girls.

    :dunno: sorry, dude. :hs:
     
  10. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2005
    Messages:
    1,047
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Land of Provincialism
    Love is a mother fucker.

    Yup.
     
  11. Jadix

    Jadix The Nice Guy

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2006
    Messages:
    7,877
    Likes Received:
    0

    Actually no, her family was really awesome to me. They aren't asian. Her dad took me out to lunch a few times and got me hella Sake because of what she did.
     
  12. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    Ah. That's what I get for making an assumption :o

    Well then that REALLY sucks, bro. Sorry... :hs:
     
  13. Jadix

    Jadix The Nice Guy

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2006
    Messages:
    7,877
    Likes Received:
    0
    should I approach her about her weight? Or just forget about her...
     
  14. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    Frankly, all considered, I wouldn't say anything. Honestly I think at this point it'd be better if you just moved on. Obsessing over unrequited love will only eat away at you, and that's unhealthy. The massive change in direction kinda tells me that she is immature and doesn't know what she wants out of life, and isn't going to come back to you. You've got to think about yourself, and what will be helpful for you.
     
  15. chickentendah

    chickentendah New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2006
    Messages:
    375
    Likes Received:
    0
    whoa fellow ucsb oter....
    :eek3:

    sorry, i dont have anything useful to add the post...
     
  16. Jadix

    Jadix The Nice Guy

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2006
    Messages:
    7,877
    Likes Received:
    0
    Good call, thanks.
     
  17. thegreatlanfrit

    thegreatlanfrit New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2006
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    dirty jersey
    First off, i have to ask.. was that an intentional reference to Brain Candy?

    i feel for ya, i know what it's like to get teh explanationless heave-ho (except mine was after 3.5yrs), and it really hurts.

    as much as it hurts to hear, and i hate to say it... concern over her skinnyness be damned, forget about her, concentrate on yourself, and just move on, as those above have stated.

    best of luck!!:x:
     
  18. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2003
    Messages:
    1,227
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida, U.S.A.
    Just to add a couple of cents to this post but geez dude.. what a BITCH that chick is.. someone like that to tell you she is breaking things off with you AFTER you make it over to JAPAN for goodness sakes.. you spend all that money for her to tell you in person that she doesn't want anything with you and then for the next couple of weeks you're on your own.. with her not in sight to atleast take you sightseeing or break things off OVER THE PHONE before you got yourself on a damn plane! What the hell is this chick thinking? A crock of BS to add that she was lonely and missed you.. man, I'm sorry you had to go through that.. I would actually mention to her though about her weight.. I mean, yeah, whatsup with losing that much if shes screwing up her body.. atleast show you care but piss her off in the process.. give her a nice rude remark when saying it and make her feel like shit.. not like its going to change anything ANYWAYS.. hell, who knows, you throwing some sense into her might get her to fall for you again.. some chicks are weird like that. Go figure..
     
  19. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    790
    Likes Received:
    0
    I would avoid her. It just takes time man, sometimes it can take 2 weeks, sometimes 2 years. Just for your own sake you need to practice avoidance at least until you can sever the ties you have in your own head.

    I've been in a similar situation where I've gone out of my way for someone and then got no explanation either. Hurts like a bitch...I don't want to feel that again. Just hang in there....keep your distance with her.

    Start opening your options by talking with other women...even if it's just for friendship right now. One day a new spark will light a flame and viola -- you're instantly over this crazy fiasco.
     
  20. Create

    Create :free at last:

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2006
    Messages:
    8,043
    Likes Received:
    2
    I just want to add some empathy, for what it's worth.

    I was in a serious relationship with this girl for several years. It was through college and as a consequence we spent some summers apart. During those summers we still maintained good communication and such and I often flew out to see her.

    I was in GA one summer (long story, I'm not from there) and I loved the place. I invited her to fly from home and spend a week there. She accepts and we confirm everything, even the night before.

    I show up at the airport to pick her up. Guess what? She's not there. Call the cell .... disconnected, call her house .... no answer, VM every time. Months later I find she's alive & well but it was through incidental means, not through direct communication. I don't think it ever really hit me that it was over until I found out where she was.

    It's one of the harshest things anyone's ever done to me.

    I can't believe she let you fly out there to break up with you. What a selfish little bitch.
     
  21. noola

    noola New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2003
    Messages:
    2,226
    Likes Received:
    0
    If you wanna hang out or something in UCSB I go there too, I have a long distance relationship with a girl in Berk, so I dont know. Sounds kinda gay to say "we can talk about it" but if you want to come over and play a video game, drink, etc feel free to.
     
  22. Fishbait

    Fishbait New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2002
    Messages:
    23,718
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    i'm surprised this thread only hit 1 page... that's some deep shit right thar.
     
  23. zanadu

    zanadu OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2006
    Messages:
    9,629
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    San Jose, CA
    Jesus christ, i'm sorry man :hugot:
     
  24. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2005
    Messages:
    4,692
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've felt that. I havent gone to the extreme you have yet, but after my first relationship I refuse to live my live anymore for someone else. When you start changing your life for someone else you end up getting shafted. I think it's best to just do your course and let them change for you. Why did she make you do all that work tho just to tell you to gtfo. Thats a bitch move to me.
     
  25. '99 Maxima

    '99 Maxima New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2005
    Messages:
    3,091
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minnesota
    i need to heed this advice
     

Share This Page