Love crew: explain being in love but breaking up v.Ted and Robin?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Apr 29, 2010.

  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I'm not talking about "I love you but I'm not in love with you."

    I'm talking about, describe a situation where you're in love with someone but you break up with them.

    I'm also not talking about cases of fundamental disqualifications, such as cheating, committing a crime, etc. So like, you could be head over motherfucking heels in love with your SO, but if they cheat on you, ADIOS. You're obviously still in love with them*, but you're still prolly gonna dump them. Or if you find out they're doing something else of that magnitude (murdering people, selling meth, voting Republican :mamoru: , etc.).

    "v. Ted and Robin" is relating to Ted and Robin on "How I Met Your Mother." They're super in love with each other, but always break up because they want different things in life (she wants to travel, he wants kids, etc.).

    So, describe this.

    Have you ever done it?

    Do you rationalize to yourself that the conflict of interest (or whatever the reason is) is more powerful than actually being in love with the person?

    And if so, would you say you're actually not in love with the person?

    *IBmorons and virgins say "yeah right, if my spouse cheated on me I wouldn't be in love with them anymore" :rolleyes: You know, because neurotransmitters are controlled by mental switches that you can just turn on and off at will. It's kind of like how heroin addicts can just one day decide "oh, I'm not addicted to heroin anymore." :rofl:
     
  2. Thelonius

    Thelonius New Member

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    I broke up with my ex, who I was very much in love with, because I found out she was literally a sociopath, didn't give a shit about me and had been fucking other guys the whole time.
     
  3. Thelonius

    Thelonius New Member

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    And yeah, still thought about her for months and still wanted her. Despite the fact that my logical mind knew she was not a real person, just a reptile without real emotions. Shit was annoying.
     
  4. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    i don't think i was in love, i dont know if i even loved her.

    but i could see myself loving her, maybe even being in love with her.

    situationally, we ended up across the country from each other...
     
  5. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    For the record, YES, if an SO cheated on me I wouldn't be in love with them anymore. The feelings of anger and hurt would override any feelings of "love" that had existed up to that point (because the person betrayed the fundamental trust upon which love is built).

    Doesn't mean I wouldn't care about the person still, but caring and loving aren't quite the same thing.

    You act as if it's impossible to have a loving relationship if it doesn't involve sex.... and that's bullshit. I can tell you that much first-hand.
     
  6. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    you think you know :o, not bashin on your choice, just saying, you think you know.
     
  7. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    I'm not discounting that a relationship that does involve sex is probably a bit different, but my observation as an outsider to the experience is that it can't be THAT different given many people's attitudes about sex.

    I mean seriously, if sex is something some people can just randomly have with others without being in a relationship, how much can it really mean to them as a means to enhance the emotional connection when they are in a relationship with someone?

    Just not a mentality I have or can easily understand, I guess. To me, it's not something that can be had both ways.
     
  8. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    sex is powerful, for example, few events in the world can destroy lifelong friendships and careers.

    and of course sex is also something that you can just randomly have with others, but until you've lain in bed post-sex and look into each other's (someone that you actually care about) eyes, you won't know.

    ^gay

    not saying that you CAN'T love someone without sex, but if that were to happen, i can only imagine what the love would be like post-sex
     
  9. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    abuse, cheating, etc... it's hard to walk away from if you really loved them.
     
  10. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Now THAT is a point I absolutely get. It's basically what I've been trying to get people here to understand for a while now. I'd rather wait until I'm involved in a relationship where we're in love BEFORE bringing sex into it for exactly the reason you stated: post-sex the relationship would be that much better :bowdown:

    I've been in relationships before where there was "love" there, but never on the level where I felt that we were ready to introduce sex into the mix and cloud/distort things emotionally.

    My personal opinion is that one of the big reasons why the divorce rate is so high is because people enter a relationship and have sex very early on, build their "love" upon sex first, and fail to find out if they love everything else about the person they're with. Once they're married, they start to discover that they don't love some of those other things which ultimately leads them to divorce.

    I'm not so eager to make that kind of mistake myself. I figure that if I can build a relationship with someone where we both can honestly say we love everything about each other without having had sex, and then make sure we're sexually compatible before making things permanent, then the chances of the marriage failing would be pretty slim.

    Maybe that's an unusual way to approach relationships philosophically, but I don't think I'm completely in the wrong for thinking this way. :dunno:
     
  11. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    I like this idea. I wish more people felt that way.

    To the original post, I think in situations like that, it comes down to what is more important to you, the person or the goal. If your dream is to move across the country for a job, and the other person doesnt want to, then you have to decide what is more important to you. For me, having a person who loves me is greater than any job/other dream. And if it is that important to me, do they love me enough to support me?

    I dont buy the idea that, "I really love you, but I'm going after this 'job'", to me thats selfish and you are probably not in love with that person.
     
  12. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    What is there to explain? Incompatibility doesn't mean you can't love someone. Say one person wants kids and the other doesn't or one person wants to travel and the other wants to put down roots. Doesn't mean you aren't in love with someone. Just means your lives are taking you in different directions. We all walk our own paths and for periods of time we get to walk along side our various partners, but when our paths diverge the relationships end. Love isn't just something you turn on and off when it's convenient so I fail to see why it would be hard to grasp that you can still love someone even though it's the right thing for both of you to break up.
     
  13. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    Unfortunately this must not be the reason because people got married pretty fucking young before and had babies early on (which suggests that they had sex beforehand, probably) and the divorce rate wasn't high.

    Divorce is more frequent because it's normalized not because of early sex. There's a bunch of reasons that make divorce less of a problem in our society but that's another issue. My point was just that early sex is not the cause of divorce.
     
  14. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Falconer, do you ever get tired of yourself? :hs:
     
  15. Simple

    Simple Sexy Beatch

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    dot. this happened to me
     
  16. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    never been through this.
     
  17. Simple

    Simple Sexy Beatch

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    pretty shitty the day you realize the person you're madly in love with will never work out long-term for anything other than having different life goals
     
  18. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    i imagine it would be :hs:
     
  19. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    What is love?
     
  20. thehighlight

    thehighlight New Member

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    Baby don't hurt me.
     
  21. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    dot

    dot

    and dot again

    this doesnt seem like a hard concept to grasp, but then again, i know a lot of people who would stay in a relationship where each person is going in opposite directions and have each hope that the other one "changes their mind"
     
  22. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    why does one person have to change their mind? why not compromise? seems like an easy choice to me :dunno:

    i made this thread to see how strongly people's convictions are regarding being in love.

    and no, just cuz someone cheats on you it doesn't mean you don't love them. it means you dump them on principle, but you still love them. you're still chemically addicted to them. you can't consciously turn off love.
     
  23. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    sometimes compromise isnt available. if one person wants kids and the other doesnt, theres not really a compromise. its that one person gets what they want and the other doesnt. in some situations, its no big deal. but resentment could easily build for the person that is giving up their dream or their desire to stay with their spouse.

    i absolutely adore and love my husband, but if we had different opinions on having children, where we wanted to live, how to spend money, etc, i could see how the relationship wouldnt have continued despite the love we had for each other
     
  24. infinite.purple

    infinite.purple New Member

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    when you love someone, you have put what's best for them ahead of your desire to be with them. i don't want to prevent anyone i love from having the life they want. i've totally broken up with a guy i was still in love with because i knew we wouldn't make each other happy in the long run. :hsd:
     
  25. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    :werd:

    If you're in a relationship with someone who you truly and completely love, your goals are pretty much going to align themselves. One of the most important things about relationships that I think a lot of people tend to forget is that they are a two way street. Success is dependent upon compromise and sacrifice on the part of both parties.

    If you love the person you're with, you'll be content with giving up some things for them, and they'll be content with giving up some things for you, as long as it means you'll be together at the end of the day.
     

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