Love, blindness, and the tricks our minds play on us

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by MattThom01, Dec 26, 2007.

  1. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    IWYWB, please let me know if this is breaking the rules or anything.

    But there's a thread over in the asylum that I think would lead to a great discussion here.

    Original thread: http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3585163

    Basically..the OP in the thread claims to have "gotten into a relationship with", and "fallen in love with" a girl over the internet. He has not met the girl and she lives 8 hours away.

    He thought she was 17 and looked like whatever.

    Turns out she is 14 and lied about her appearance.

    My serious question here is:

    HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN????? I can't fathom it, I seriously can't.

    Please discuss. A lot could be talked about how "love" supposedly blinds people, people see what they want to see, etc.
     
  2. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    kid needs to get off the computer
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Nah, I don't mind you posting the link and starting a discussion here :) I just read that thread myself and I think I actually spoke out loud (to myself) "what the fuck is wrong with some people?"
     
  4. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    Infatuation... a deadly emotion.
     
  5. Lokish

    Lokish New Member

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    It's easier to build a mental repore with someone online, you get to weigh your responses, they get to weigh theirs. People bite their tongues a lot when trying to make a good impression. You can be anyone you want to be online and people get sucked into that version of you.

    It's sad that people would feel socially disconnected enough to "fall in love" with someone online. What do you really know about them in real life?
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Couldn't agree more.
     
  7. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    +1. in addition, your mind fills in a lot of the blanks and draws false conclusions on its own.
     
  8. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    but this can happen very well to someone you meet anywhere "IRL"; at the bar, through a friend, at a club, etc. :dunno:

    you aren't really sure unless you know that person for a while
     
  9. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    I'm not saying I think it's a great idea to fall "in love" online, but everyone here is always so damn quick to dismiss anything that isn't in line with their paradigm of thought or belief system.

    When does it become acceptable to love someone?

    When we can see them? Well then blind people can't love.
    When we can hear them? Deaf people.

    We live through filtered belief systems and some people get that emotional spike through words. That's why we read books. Because we have an imagination that can imagine it to be real enough to elicit an emotion.

    All of your visual memories are fake reinterpretations of what your brain stored. They are accurate, but not perfect. Though we don't say someone is crazy or has a skewed reality just because he might not remember something exactly as we had. His filter was just different.

    And some people just have filters or imaginations that are so much different than ours -- but if it serves them then why not? Because it's not subjectively "better" based on your definition?

    Unfortunately there are some people who will never be able to get out there and make a great life. There wouldn't be such thing as a great life without a relative poor life. That's just dualism for you.

    You may call this a trick, and I agree it obviously seems pretty 'pathetic', but don't be tricked into thinking that you have it right at all either.

    Or that any knowledge we have isn't a trick in and of itself.
     
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2007
  10. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    i agree with blackice... it's hard to define when and how two people can fall in love. my personal opinion is that you need to spend a significant amount of time with someone IRL before you can know if you're in love with them, but who knows, i've never fallen in love with someone just from talking to them, it could be possible.

    the issue i have with the person in the thread is that he claims to have fallen in love with this girl, but he later found out that she lied about everything. not just small things, but her age, appearance, lifestyle... EVERYTHING. you can't fall in love with an image someone else fabricated.
     
  11. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    I think in all reality we usually fall in love with an image we fabricate about someone else.

    This is why one woman might hate me and another might love me. It's not all necessarily what I'm doing but the romantic imagination or lack there of in a person.
     
  12. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    yeah I saw that and almost cried for the poor guy, i mean 'cried' in that damnit i haven't felt so much pity for someone in so long way. I DO NOT GET why people screw themselves around so badly. He MUST be able to see what's in front of him.

    I don't know where I heard this "you don't fall in love with a person, you fall in love with the idea of them" but it applies. Like when your nan dies you don't miss what a wonderful person she was you miss the way she smelled and how she was always so nanaish.

    yeah the thread does belong in here.
     
  13. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    I can see meeting someone online.


    I can see even starting something serious with this person.


    What I CANNOT see though is taking that step with someone who is 8 hours away AND is someone you have never so much as met face to face. That's the part that flabbergasts me.
     
  14. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I recently have my first (and probably my last) online relationship with a girl.

    It was more real of a relationship to me than all my previous relationships combined (yes even with my wife) and the first time I had butterflies in my stomach over a girl in YEARS.

    And we were completely honest with each other and it quickly moved offline into more of a LDR over the phone ending in a completely awesome weekend spent together.

    I think the big thing that ended shit between us was that there was no way to close the distance. She had kids and I had kids and neither of us could figure a solution to closing that distance.

    But the feelings were very real.

    It was enough to make me stop scoffing at online relaionships (even though I don't think it's for me anymore).

    You just have to be careful, set some solid rules for yourself, and stick to those rules NO MATTER WHAT. Those rules are meant for your safety and to save you time.
     
  15. Lokish

    Lokish New Member

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    I completely agree with you. I am just saying that I think online dating, it is easier to "fall in love" with how a person wants others to see them. In my personal opinion, you really do have to live with someone or know them for a good deal of time in order to know who they really are.
     
  16. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    well maybe you can, but once you find out that the image you've fallen in love with is so drastically different from what you thought it was, you can't think that you're still in love with the person as a whole
     
  17. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    The most interesting thing about that whole arguement is that the same thing happens in real life.

    It's not just on the internet that you can fall in love with someone who really isn't the way they seem.
     
  18. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    well yea, but regardless, once i've found out that someone i had "fallen in love" with had lied about almost everything about themselves, i couldn't possibly continue to love them.
     
  19. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Then you probably didn't love them to begin with. :dunno:

    I'm one of those people who believe that when you truly fall in love, you'll love that person with all their faults--even if you can't be with them in a relationship, you'll still love them for a fairly long time after things end.
     
  20. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    yea which is why i said "fallen in love," and it's also exactly what the dude in the thread did. he just has no self-respect and he's probably really lonely or something.
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    So usually I stand strongly by my ideas that you can't love someone until you know them. However, when dealing with two people who have met only on the internet it is very possible for both to learn so much about one another, especially if they've been talking for months :mb: However, I still stand by the fact that while online people can be someone else, you can have an entire facade of who you are. You could be flat out lying or just so in denial that you still present yourself online as a totaly different person. Point is, you will never know the "real" person until you meet them. These are just my opinions.
     
  22. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    That much is definately true.

    Meeting someone off the internet is very different. I don't care how much you think you know someone, it's definately different.
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd: If you all knew me in real life you'd be shocked :mamoru:
     
  24. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I bet you are warm, caring and soft and smell like a meadow. Amirite?
     
  25. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    All of that actually, except I smell like citrus. I'm very perky :rofl:
     

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