SRS lost love...same old story.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by meatball, Oct 8, 2005.

  1. meatball

    meatball you're the grasshole ya grasshole

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    I've dated this girl from freshman year in high school until just before college. I actually broke up with HER because I wanted to test us. I didn't want to go out because it's comfortable, I wanted to see if this was for real. (We would constantly talk about marriage and neither of us were afraid of commitment)

    The first week of college I didn't call her because I was getting adjusted...and the second week I got very depressed and paranoid constantly asking her if she's hooking up with anybody and if she's going crazy etc.

    Around week 3 we start getting normal again, and she breaks the news to me that she hooked up with some guy. I said as long as we love each other we can see if we can get back together soon.

    Then she starts becoming an absolute bitch....yelling at me for being upset and becoming harder then ever (she was the sweetest most innocent girl in the world during our relationship). I ask her why she acts like she hates me. She, days later, reveals it's becasue she did all this other stuff with him (got fingered, gave him head, multiple times, etc) and she wanted me to hate her and leave so she didn't have to reveal the information.


    So that's all fine and good, I'm no saint either, we could get back together. Even though she had NO sexual past before me, (she only has kissed one other guy), it would be a big loss but i'd get through it.


    Then she says that she doesn't know about us anymore, and she needs time. I keep insisting on questions about her changing and she clearly gets very irritated...she hasn't swayed from me once, so of course I'm flipping out. She starts resenting it, she had no sympathy at all. Then after swining back and forth (from "I'm coming out of this stage" to, "I don't think I want to do this"). Eventually I was like "you can't love me anymore if this is the way you're thinking" and she responded with "I don't know Justin"


    I don't know what the fuck college does to people, but I'm not exaggerating you HAVE to understand...she became a completely different person...it's like a nightmare. i'm coming home this weekend, and I told her to do it to my face and we can talk this out together...she responded with "I don't want to go home"


    Is there a possibility this is a stage? I really really wanted to marry this girl...and this all happened so fast..I don't understand how she goes from being sincerely ready to marry me to not even loving me in less than a month.

    If there's not, how can I get over this? I'm not leaving the dorm, I'm neve rhungry, and I throw up constantly (not forced) even when there's nothign in my stomach, I have no desire to go out and meet other girls....what the hell can i do? I feel like I blinked and my world got taken away from me :wtc:
     
  2. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    There's a chance that it's a phase just like there's a chance that there's other life in the universe, but i think you honestly saved yourself more trouble than you know. People change, and college is a catalyst.

    Look at some of the other threads here and in the Vaginarium. Time and time again the same story comes up: "My [gf/bf] moved [out of town/out of state/out of country] for [college/new job/family] and now [he/she] [never calls/is acting different/blows me off]. Do you think [he/she] is cheating on me? Why can't things be the way they were before?"

    The key to a successful relationship is communication. If you work through change together and grow together, things have a pretty good chance of working out. The sad reality is that most of the time one or both of the people in the relationship hide small changes in themselves from their partner "for the sake of the relationship". Then, one day, they wake up and realize that they're not the same person any more and their old life just doesn't fit any more. Hiding the small changes destroyed the relationship like a leaky condo - everyone wants out, and no one wants to stay and fix it because it costs too much.

    I think you should stop calling her, at least for a bit, and re-evaluate your position. Start checking out some of the activities on campus, and enroll in a Marketing or Finance class for the eye candy :mamoru:. Eat properly and get out of your dorm. Make more/different friends. Move on with your life, since it is yours... and if things work out with her in the future then they work out - don't plan around it.
     
  3. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    You broke up with her, to TEST her, and she failed miserably. And yet you still want to marry her. What the hell was the reason for the test then?
     
  4. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Ha ha! That's what I was wondering!

    Mypetmeatball, There are a lot of things wrong here, and most of it has to do with you.

    The first thing is obvious, and it is that you both are very young. Both of your maturity levels are very low and neither of you are truly ready for a real relationship. I don't care how long you two were in a relationship, neither of you were ready for it. She's so immature that she was talking about marrying someone whom she didn't really love. Yes, it's true. She didn't love you, she only thought she did. The moment she became free of you suddenly she forgets all about you and is blowing other guys left and right. This isn't the behavior of someone who has a high interest level in you. I know what you're thinking, you are thinking of excuses for her, but the truth is, that there are none. She is doing what she wants to be doing right now. If she really wanted to be with just you, she could, this very minute. She could call you up and say, I love you, I want to be with you. She isn't doing that though, is she?

    The main problem here though, is you. You have a very low sense of self respect. Bro, what kind of guy are you to break it off with a girl, to test her, and then when she shows her true colors you freak out and throw all self respect out the window and start begging for her to come back. You're not eating, you have no desire to do anything but cry about it all, when she failed the very test you put her on! You should be thankful, for now you have a reason to let go of the hoe.
    Something tells me that you knew or at least questioned her devotion to you, because why the test? If you have been with someone that long, don't you think you would know?
    Another big problem with you was the fact that you have no balls. She totally has you by the nuts and you are helpless. She freaking sucked another mans dick, got fingered, and I guarantee got fucked too, just shortly after you split up, and immediately you are ready to take her back. You are totally making yourself a pushover doormat boyfriend. You are so afraid of losing her that you are ready to forgive some very important shit. What is to keep her from doing this again if there were no consequences? Her love for you? ROFLMAO! SHe doesn't love you man, and she doesn't even respect you. How can she? She just wronged you in the worst way and you are begging to take her back!! You should be saying to her, "thank god I found out who I was with, because I won't tolerate a whore for a girlfriend, much less a wife." and then walk away.

    You need to move on and forget this chick because she's not worth it. You don't want to believe it and you want to believe that everything could be like it was, but what you thought you guys had was a farce anyway. You never had what you thought you did, because she didn't care about you enough to keep another mans cock out of her mouth for a very short period of time. She's not who you thought she was. If you have any shred of self respect left in your body, you would realize that this girl is nothing but trouble, she can't be trusted, and that she doesn't respect you. Hell, it sounds like she doesn't even want you back. She probably thinks you're the biggest bitch in the world after all of the shit you been saying to her about getting back together after she fucked another guy.

    No wonder you are so upset because you feel helpless right now. You feel helpless because she is controlling this situation, she holds the cards. It's time for you to start taking control of the situation. It's time for you to cut off contact with this girl, and end your relationship once and for all. You don't need to get pissed at her now, because all that does is show how much she got to you. The best thing to do is to play it cool, and be like, "You know what, it is good that this happened because I don't want a relationship like this. Thanks for doing what you did because it made me realize that we don't need to be together, and I don't need this kind of crap in my life. I'm starting fresh!" and that's it. Move on. Once you take control of the situation you won't feel helpless anymore. If you have control of the situation then you will be much happier.

    All of the signs point to this as the correct decision. The more you deal with this girl, then the more trouble you will bring upon yourself. For your sake, take my advice and move on completely.
     
  5. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

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    Man...she's sending hints that are clear, she's not interesting anymore. Move on...I know it's hard but you'll do it eventually. Just go on with your life, try to take your mind off of her by doing things you enjoy like hanging out with friends or possibly taking up a hobby?
     
  6. meatball

    meatball you're the grasshole ya grasshole

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    I agree, I'm moving on. But I know at one point she loved me..did you ever just know something? Fuck her...but I know she loved me.
     
  7. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    Great she loved you.. she also fucked you over. Great chick, eh?
     
  8. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    She probably loved you as much as she could have at one point, but this girl doesn't truly know what love is, otherwise she wouldn't be saying it one minute, and fucking someone else the next. She's got a lot of time before she truly discovers what loves is... probably after she gets a few more dicks in her and past college.

    It's good you are saying that you will move on, because you do deserve better than this. That is the thing that you need to understand. You want a real relationship that involves trust and love, and this girl is out there fucking other people, so obviously she isn't going to give you what you want. Just make sure that you aren't just saying that for our benefit, but make sure you really move on.
     
  9. meatball

    meatball you're the grasshole ya grasshole

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    i know i'm being a little bitch...but it's so fucking hard to even COMPREHEND that somebody you thought you knew in 4 years is different in a matter of a few weeks. it's just crazy how you think you know people...
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Actually, people don't really change all that much and not that quickly.

    When that happens to you, it's a matter of :

    1) they were shielding parts of their real personality from you,
    2) you only saw what you wanted to see,
    3) you only saw what you were able to see (i.e. look behind the mask, this is basically overcoming item 1)

    You know when someone says "ya maybe I did know it all along....but I didn't want to believe it of her. How could my dearest sweetest bestest girl really be capable of that." You're seeing #2 in action.
     
  11. meatball

    meatball you're the grasshole ya grasshole

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    update: i haven't called her since the breakup (friday) and refused to talk to her...she called me up tonight begging for me to taek her back. she said she understands how fucked up she's been and it's terrible....and she wants to work things out slowly. I'm coming home this weekend adn she knows that says she's gonna come over. Should I blow her off or talk it out with her?
     
  12. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    This just happened to my roommate. His gf of more than 1 yr was talking about marriage and all sorts of long term shit, then 2 weeks into college it's BAM! she takes a break and then she breaks up with him. I have been this guy's roommate for two years now, this being the start of our third year. It fucking pisses me the fuck off to no extent, and I just don't understand, or didn't understand, how a person could genuinely go from committed love to a break up in a 2 week period.

    I believe this has resolved my complete and utter confusion.
    because she's too immature and too inexperienced.
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I would give her one more try. She is not a repeat offender yet! Just an offender. But that's just me, I'm always on the give-love-a-chance side. I hope you don't let her walk all over you. But at the same time, I PRAY you don't listen to the 10000000000000 upcoming "MOVE ON" posts. Don't move on. 1 more try.
     
  14. scaryice

    scaryice New Member

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    Same old story, and same old answer: MOVE ON.

    Everybody else has said it, and that's because it's true. Seriously, your story is such a cliche that it almost doesn't sound real. And it's not that hard to comprehend, because people change when they grow up.
     
  15. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Stand your ground and do not give in to the manipulative tactic she is using. That's all it is. If you take her back or even allow her to plead her case, all you are doing is showing her the limits of your self respect. She will abuse this trust again, knowing what she has to do.

    To truly make a stand, you must make a stand. I don't care what BS she pulls to try to talk to you, don't allow it. You said it is over and there is NOTHING to talk about at ALL. You don't even need to tell her this. Silence is golden. That truly is the best thing for you to do, and anything else you do is plain wrong.
     
  16. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest


    NOOOOOOOOO!

    This is part of the problem and this is why women get away with this cheating shit! Don't get into the "Guys cheat too" because that's not the point. If a girl was posting this thread I would say the same thing to her.

    Giving this girl another chance is just basically saying; "I know you completely disrespected me and out relationship in the worst way possible, but you said you are sorry and that you know you messed up so, okay, I'll give you a chance." Argh! This is stupid! All you are doing is showing what a total pushover you are, and showing the limits of your self respect. Guys in todays society have become such total bitches. Where do we draw the line? What must our significant others, whom we devote ourselves to and love, do to make us realize that a line has been crossed? Do men these days really let themselves get used and abused like this? Man, if my girlfriend ever had another dudes cock in her, she would be kicked out onto the street on her ass in seconds. I love her more than anything in the world but if she did this then she doesn't love me the same, and I respect myself too much to be with someone like that. I deserve more than to settle for a cheater.

    In fact, you will be doing mankind a huge favor by putting your foot down on her. If you truly stand your ground and refuse to be used-meaning end it for good-then her next boyfriend should thank you because she'll likely think twice before she ruins another good relationship. However if you take her back, all you are showing her is that she can do the worst, and you still take her back.
     
  17. meatball

    meatball you're the grasshole ya grasshole

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    Just keep in mind that she technically didn't cheat on me, I was broken up with her for college. :hs:
     
  18. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    Well from the sound of the current situation... it doesn't sound like you are the one in the position to be giving any chances....

    I would just stick to the usual gameplan and do your own thing for awhile... see if she misses/contacts you... but I wouldn't contact her anymore at this point.
     
  19. AshLee

    AshLee New Member

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    I think you should give her a chance..like you said she is not a repeat offender and you WERE BROKEN UP..talk to her. dont let her walk all over you. and dont let her think she has all the power or she might pull that shit again next week. test the waters :)
     
  20. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    It doesn't matter. It didn't take her long to fill her hole with another mans cock. Plus she's a liar. She didn't tell you that she banged another dude, but she did, I guarantee it. Maybe even more than that, depending on how much time you gave her.

    She blew you off and you kept running back to her. She knows she has you, and she kept telling you, "I don't know Justin..." But the minute you put your foot down, find your balls, and become a man, she comes running back to you for your attention. Now you're considering caving in? Aww man... Sheesh...

    Consider yourself warned.
     
  21. meatball

    meatball you're the grasshole ya grasshole

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    you're really helpful dude...thanks for telling me shit that my friends don't have the balls to tell me.


    I'm still going to fuck her all weekend when I get home I decided....even though she turend out to be a bitch i still loved her and everything was so good in bed. I'm at least going to go back to that for a little bit haha
     
  22. slims

    slims New Member

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    lol it's ridiculous how much this happens. By her doing that she's taking you back for the moment. If you want a g/f that is with you only until she finds someone hotter then you, then go for it. Otherwise, find a girl who really likes you.
     

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