SRS Losing the Spark (anonymous thread)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, Jul 17, 2007.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I've been dating this my current girlfriend for 3 years now. We're in college, so we live apart and our lives are really hectic at times. However, we really click and love one another like you wouldn't believe. However, during the summer, we have to go to our hometown and live so far apart that we only get to see each other on weekends and talk nightly on the phone.

    As of late, I've noticed that our relationship has really lost the zing it used to have. My girlfriend always seems to be withdrawn and quiet, even when we're together, and at times, we even have these awkward moments of silence while we're on the phone because it feels like we might have ran out of things to talk about. We talked about it a while back, and she said it was because I hadn't been as romantic and caring as I used to be and she felt like she wasn't a priority on my list anymore. I really tried hard to show her that she was,

    but even after a really romantic evening and lots of good times, she said she still felt like I did it because I thought I had to. So I'm just trying to find out what you guys think, and some possible solutions for this problem. Breaking up definitely isn't an option as I'll most likely be proposing to her as soon as things get back to normal.

    Maybe new topics of conversation/activities? Opinions and options please. Thank you for your time. :hs:
     
  2. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    If there is no spark, why do you still plan to propose to her? I have really mixed feelings about this one and probably would strongly suggest thinking about breaking up with her if that spark is not there anymore. If it only took 3 years here, than who knows what will happen if you get married, it might take less. Throw a kid into the mix and you will have quite a stressful time.

    Though, I think what your girlfriend is looking for is spontaneity. She led you into a trap, telling you that you weren't romantic enough, and then when you do have the romantic evening telling you that you just did it because she brought it up. You're pretty much in a whole. She is looking for something spontaneous and coming from way out in left field. Take her on a weekend vacation to some random place that she loves. Don't tell her you're taking her somewhere and just show up, pull her away from whatever she is doing and do something just FOR her.

    Though that does have it's backfires in that she could be doing something important and you will just ruin everything...

    But my answer: Do some spontaneous and random that she's not expecting.
     
  3. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    I agree with that. If she's anything like my girlfriend was, there's always something going on that she can't be too spontaneous.

    However, it sounds like your relationship is in a rut, and after 3 years, you know whether or not you have a future and direction. It may just be that the distance is putting a strain on you two, and you may have to re-learn to actually talk to one another again. You have to work to keep relationships alive, to keep that feeling and that desire going.

    With that being said, something spontaneous would be a good idea, but just try harder to be more interested in what's going on in her life while she's not around. Try to tell her about all the ways you're thinking about her, and how you can relate her to some of the things you're doing on a daily basis. Make her feel like she's important to you, and that she's not just another item on your checklist that you need to take care of for the day.

    And if that doesn't work, then there really are deeper issues...
     
  4. tman

    tman New Member

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    why doesn't she come up with something and take you out?
     
  5. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    In her eyes, it's not her job to do something like that. It's the guys responsibility to treat the girl like a princess at all times, treating her to anything she needs and to always be there...

    Some girls aren't like that, but most are.
     
  6. tman

    tman New Member

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    i don't know man, i don't think us guys need to ALWAYS be there, we have to be willing to leave if she's not treating us well in return. I hope you have a great girl and things go well.
     
  7. Asses Maximus

    Asses Maximus Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Guns d

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    I used to say this to me ex all the time when she would ask why we didnt do anything. Not a good idea.
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I just have to say this:

    Proposing to her will only make things seem great for a short amount of time. The excitement of being engaged will wear off and you'll go back to this akward place you are at now...Pretty much what I'm saying is I don't know how you can get that spark back.
     
  9. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    It takes work. Lots and lots of work to keep that spark going.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I know...but he doesn't seem to understand that or know what to do. I read he was trying, but apparently it was not sfficient enough for his gf (I am not blaming him at all). So my other wonder is that she is over trying and will now be hardest to impress.
     
  11. haku

    haku OT Supporter

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    this is perfectly normal, i don't think any couple has new things to talk about ALL the time

    it's only a problem if it's consistently like that...

    i mean you cant expect to have 5 hr phone convos w/o some silenece???
     
  12. Ivy

    Ivy New Member

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    Honestly, to me it sounds like your talking too much. Start talking a few times a week instead of every night. I would suggest taking a break from each other, and see how you both feel. If you really miss, and want to be with each other then there's hope. If you feel better being apart then it may be best to end the relationship.
     
  13. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

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    agreed. some girls just expect the guy to plan everything and then they get let down when things dont match up to expectation.

    i'm actually trying this right now (the break part i mean). same thing basically happened with me where the talking really just got stale and seeing each other got kinda forced. i've been keeping myself busy in the mean time with other stuff. unfortunately, only time will tell whether this "works," although it's probably not a good thing that i'm getting used to this new found independence.:hs: all the luck to you tho
     
  14. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    between this and the first post, the answer is clear.

    BREAK UP WITH HER!

    No wonder is there no spark...she has no reason to work to maintain the relationship. It's all one sided! Dump her, and go find a quality women who will give as much as she takes.
     
  15. tman

    tman New Member

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    Yup, that's how it's done!
     
  16. mrj

    mrj New Member

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    I bet you guys IM each other 24/7 when you're apart. That always makes relationships dull. Constant attention
     
  17. Autorotate

    Autorotate New Member

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    I agree with this 100%. I know when you are apart it seems like all you want to do is talk to eachother, been there. It's important to give eachother space even when you can't see eachother all the time.

    But I agree with the above poster about how if she isn't willing to do things for your relationship, why should you? I am not saying you should break up with them, just re-evaluate your stance on the whole relationship, and talk to them about it.
     

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