SRS Losing my desire...for life...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by bunnyblueeyes, May 15, 2008.

  1. bunnyblueeyes

    bunnyblueeyes New Member

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    I am falling back into a depression. I had to make a tough decision recently(though I feel there was only one choice in the matter), and had an abortion. Part of it b/c I'm not ready to dedicate my life to a child or have those ties to someone(especially since the relationship is still newer and I'm still trying to learn who this person is), another part is that it was a suprise and I had been doing certain legal and illegal things while pregnant and definitely thought that couldn't have been good for the situation. Since it's happened I have fallen back into this funk. I have no confidence, no self-esteem, I am starting to resent my SO, not trust him(i don't know why) and am basically falling apart. "Breakdown" by Tom Petty is a good way to put it.

    I was curious, with all the people out there, if anyone who has gone through this, had a friend/lover go through it or just in general knows how it feels to be down in the dumps about yourself.

    I'de like any advice on what you can do to build yourself back up, learn to overcome and pull myself out of this before it gets worse. I miss the old me, the old happy me, and I want them back. Just not sure where/how to start.

    And I want to save my relationship before I runaway from it all(which I have been known to do)

    Any Help????????
     
  2. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    Is this related to post-partum (sp?) depression? I know you didn't give birth to a kid but I wonder if the symptoms are similar.

    I am no expert, but just letting you know we're all here to listen and support you.
     
  3. bunnyblueeyes

    bunnyblueeyes New Member

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    Funny, actually that same thought came to my mind today, and I do think it may be something just like post-partum. I've just had a rough road recently(pregnancy in it self, sucks ass with all those crazy symptoms you get, naseua, fatigue, cravings, etc.. and than the emotional battle of "whats the right thing to do" and having the procedure, than into recovery!) Buh! it's getting very wearing and I am soo tired of it.

    Thanks for the support, it does help! :) I am new to this and was curious how others bring themselves out of their funks, cuz right now, I'll try anything!
     
  4. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    Whenever I'm in some sort of funk, I go workout... If I sit at home and think about it, it just makes me feel worse. but i'm sure my funk is not on the same level/kind as your's.

    when did your abortion happen?
     
  5. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    Well I have never been in your position as far as having an abortion goes, and hope to never have to face that kind of decision (I'm a pro-lifer, but you never know what tomorrow brings :hug: ) but I have been in a funk of my own since the end of last year.

    Here's a few reasons why - and what I am doing about them in italics below. Hopefully this can give you (or anyone else here) ideas to get out of the funk :hug:

    At work I am literally chained to a desk for 5+ hours of the workday, effective this past December. I can't move about freely like I used to. I have zero privacy. The morale is at an all time low. I've been here 15 years, and feel like many of my coworkers still view (and treat) me like a kid (I started here when I was 18). I feel like I'm wasting away here on really bad days.

    A few months ago I started making it a point to completely remove myself from the office when I go to lunch. In the cooler months I go get a small, light lunch and then go park somewhere nice with the windows down, sunroof open. After eating, I kick off my shoes, put the seat back and read a book, or work on sketching ideas for art projects or poetry. During the summer months I will probably get the cheapest drink at Starbucks so I can rent air-conditioned space for an hour :dunno: I used to hate the idea of poetry but thought I might as well give it a shot - figuring an hour rhyming lines is better than a bitter hour at my desk wishing people would leave me alone. I like art and creative art, but I by no means fit in anywhere with cultured, artisitic or literary type of folks. I am sure if any of them reviewed my work I'd probably get a big fat :ugh2: for my efforts (or lame attempts). On a side note, I was inspired by one of my favorite artists who said in an interview to create art for yourself, not others. Don't create art that you think others will like. It may not mean anything to anyone else, but it will mean something to YOU.

    In the afternoons (wintertime), I take a short ten minute break and go for a walk outside, I walk around the footprint of our building (4-story office building) and then stroll through the 3 levels of the parking garage. It gets the blood flowing, and lifts the spirits for a bit.

    In the evenings I take our big dog for a 3-4 mile walk. Now that summer is rolling around I'm trying to shift my schedule to do it at 5am.


    Last summer my husband and I started a small business - on top of already having full time day jobs. He also goes to school part time during the academic year. Because we are still busy with product development and establishing the business further, it leaves little time for hobbies (whatever they are, it's been so long I forgot :rofl: ) or travelling. My part in the business requires me to spend more time on the computer - which my soul has been crying for more time away from it :(

    I can't complain too much here. We knew getting into this it was going to mean time and money and that it may be a few years before things are at a point where we just process/ship orders and be done for the day and still have time to play around. Right now we're still organizing things for the business itself (accounting/tax stuff), looking to expand opur product line, and coming up with a marketing plan, so there's still a long to-do list to be done with before we can just let it run itself. So in this case, I just need to grin and bear it. Get things taken care of as they come in instead of setting it aside to deal with later. Once I fall behind in anything so minute as just filing away papers, I start to feel overwhelmed and out of control. I am concluding my file reorganizing project this week, so once that's done I should be " in control" again :)

    In late December/early January I was sick for several weeks. I lost 20 pounds (woohoo!) but ever since then I've had blood sugar problems. When my levels tank, they do so with little to no warning. I go from :) to :wtc: in a snap.

    I got this under control by figuring I need to 1. eat breakfast regularly, and not when I'm in a hurry; 2. eating small snacks every 2-2½ hours during the day; and 3. eat as healthy as possible, even when dining out, and in small amounts. So long as I meet those 3 items daily, I do pretty good. Unfortunately, though, the girl that covers me at lunch time (front desk FTL) isn't always on time. There have been times where she has left me waiting 30 min-1 hour past when I really need to eat lunch. Needless to say on those days, my blood sugar tanks and it throws me off for the rest of the day, even despite still getting something to eat at some point. Talking to her about this has been like barking orders at a tree. So I have made it a point to always have protien bars and a small bag of trail mix in my tote bag for such occasions.


    So in essence, I have been making it a point to get in some form of activity each day, despite work/business. If I can get in at least 30 min a day it keeps the blues away :) Getting away from the office has done alot of good as well.

    As far as business not letting me have time for hobbies goes, I do want to get back into art, and try my hand at painting. I have the supplies ready to go, I have made it a point, even on the busiest of days, to just tear myself away from the agenda, and just do something creative, even if it's only for 10 minutes. I don't want to wait 5 years to enjoy myself for the sake of checking things off my to do list. I've gotten myself to a point where I've been able to tell myself it's ok to play hooky for a half hour to doodle, read, write a poem, or just take in the scenery...even if that scenery is my own backyard which desparately needs to have its weeds removed :o

    As for the blood sugar thing - I stick to a healthy, consistent diet. I still enjoy treats and what not, but just keep everything reasonable and in moderation. I have not gone to see a doctor about it and don't plan to unless things really get out of line. No need to waste a day waiting to be told to do what I am already doing :dunno:


    So make it a point to do something active, make time to do something you enjoy even if for only a few minutes, and perhaps change your diet a bit to see if any of it helps with the funk.


    Sorry of this turned into a novel...I've actually been working on this reply all morning inbetween interuptions and projects that got thrown at me :hsd:
     
  6. Cumstang02

    Cumstang02 New Member

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    Is it in yet?
    Do what you enjoy. Push yourself to get back into the things that made you happy before all this happened. Don't allow yourself to dwell, you can't change the past and those "would of, could of, should of" games do no good.
     
  7. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    Therapist, go go go.
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    For the love of God get a psychologist , and immediatly built up emotional defences, because(and let me tell you this much) a womans emotional stability dictates every aspect of her life, you need to protect yourself from making stupid mistakes, and stupid decisions. Think 3 times before you act, and be carefull ,carefull ,carefull. Let me tell you this much.

    God understands your difficult situation, you are forgiven and loved , in return you need to love and forgive yourself. The worst thing you can do is putting yourself in a 'what if this or what if that' and dwell on the past, while you blame yourself. Do NOT DO THAT.

    You need to carry on with your life and preserve your sanity at all cost. Defend your emotional well being,give yourself time to heal, get the best of the best in terms of theraphists/psychologist, medicines are only to be taken as an absolute last resort. Focus on solving the root of the problem, and not supressing your problems with medicines,booze or other forms of mind altering substances.

    Take care of your brain first foremost, and take care of your body, protect them both along with your emotional well being at all cost.
     
  9. bunnyblueeyes

    bunnyblueeyes New Member

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    :hug:I'm am truly amazed at everyone's support b/c it's def. not the type of thing you can open up to about with just anyone and it has been effecting who I am, who I am with and how I feel in general about life. I hate the world right now, but knowing that there are people out there who lend their support, give advice and can understand without judging is helping me out more than you'll ever know.

    It just happened as of recent(the day before mothers day, damn the irony!) and while in recovery, well I cant do anything that I love to do. And haven't for awhile since finding out. But I'm in recovery(physically it takes a month or two) but the emotional part is what is gettin the best of me.

    I do learn thru writing in a journal and trying not to take it out on the people around me(i work in the place that I have been in since I was 14, now 24, and you have zero privacy and I have more experience than most everyone here but still get the "i'm just a kid" treatment, so it bugs me on top of everything else) so it was nice to come across these forums and to be able to open up, chat, listen, and start to get intouch not just with myself, but others.

    I do just want to say thanks for all the advice, support and help(so I can stop driving myself nuts!) :hug:

    Here's to a new day, every day! *cheers*
     

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