SRS losing control

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by cooldragon, Nov 13, 2006.

  1. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    I just cannot take it anymore. i have no control of my life at all. i am going to a crappy community college taking only 3 classes. i am not doing too bad compared to my last year when i flunked everything. however i have not met too many people there and have not made any friends there. i am working at a job that isnt too bad but i am getting tired of it because i basically sit there most of the day and talk to my boss cause we dont have much to do.

    i barely have any friends to hang out with. i basically hang out with 3-4 people and usually never in a group. my gf and i broke up 2 months ago and i have gone on 2 dates in those 2 months and that hasnt worked out. i am going nowhere and i dont see things improving. i am going to transfer to another community college and see if that works out better.

    its just that my friends dont want to do anything other than playing sports or just talking and eating. i want to go out meet more people, go to parties meet girls so i can get a gf. i am comparing my life to my ex who is having alot of fun. she is busy with her life and barely calls me but i see her at work which gets to me. i am just so worried that i am going to be stuck like this. having nothing to do and sitting on my ass all day just going to class and work cause i have nothing better to do. i have been depressed lately as well. i have planned a 2 day trip to new york with my friend and we are leaving tommorow but i am not too excited. i just feel down and dont care about going.
    the thing that scares me is i have been like this for as long as i can remmember. i usually stayed home, was a loner in high school excpet the few friends i had. i missed out on the high school activities cause i was a loner. i met my ex who is in high school who is carefree and enjoys her life and it got to me knowing that i didnt do anything. now its the same in college i am missing all the fun cause i screwed up my grades really bad in college cause i was depressed.

    basically i want to meet new people, make more friends go out and meet girls and date girls but i am not sure if i can do it and how to go about doing it. will changing jobs help me? i want to be more carefree and stop thinking about my ex but with the time i have i cant stop thinking about her. something triggers in my brain and its so hard to take out and block those thoughts.
     
  2. MoRe

    MoRe New Member

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    Join the army.
     
  3. Shattered Soul

    Shattered Soul New Member

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    don't do anything to drastic! there are to many people who care for you even though you don't want to beleive them or that they really do care. but things will turn out for the best in the end! :)
     
  4. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    my life is not terrible by any means. basically i freak out constantly and think so negatively that it totally kills me. the main thing is i need to talk to more girls, and hang out with more girls. i basically used to talk to my gf and hang out with 2 other girls and right now i am talking and hanging out with none. i also want to make friends who are more fun and outgoing but i am not too outgoing myself.

    i have to stay in community college for another semester because my gpa is like 1.8 or something. so i am stuck and maybe by fall i can move out.
     
  5. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    i try to concentrate on school work but i just cannot do it. my mind wanders really fast and thoughts come into my head all the time that depress me, that make me panic and my head starts to hurt. its been like this for so long that i just cant take it.

    basically my schedule is monday go to school at 2 pm till 4. go to work till 9 and thas it. tuesday school 10-1 and then maybe go to a friends house and thats it. wednesday school 2-4 and again to friends house. thursday 10-1 and thats it. fri go to work 4-9. sat sun work all day and thats it. this is seriously pathetic. i only talk to at most 2 people and i have 2 friends but they dont hang out too much. my job isnt too bad but it is not taking me anywhere.
    i am not living basically i am just here. i am not reaching for anything. i do the same thing day after day week after week. i cant get out of this cycle. now i gotta go and work for 11 hours and do this again on sunday and i dont know if i can do this anymore.
     
  6. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    wow things just get worse... well my exgf who broke up with me in the summer after i came back from vacation because she was "busy." she then wanted to get back together with me 2 months after she broke up i said no i dont want to cause she basically made me miserable and broke me for a while. i still have feelings for her but i know i should not get back together with her. well she works in the same place as me which kills me and i want to avoid her. well she finally quit her job cause she was going out of the country for vacation. well she said bye and i went to hug her and she said no and gave me this disgusted look on her face and walked away. i jus couldnt believe it and i dont know what to do and say. it kills me inside to see her go and treat me like shit just before she leaves. i dont want to see her face ever again and i hate to see her ever but its gonna be hard cause she is a family friend who we see often.

    i tend to think about her alot as well and how i am not able to move on and i keep thinking about how i screwed up with the relationship and how i stuck with it and how my feelings for her dont go away. that is why i just want to change what i am doing with my life and become a better socially and become more comfortable with myself.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2006
  7. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    get professional help

    i am placing my bet on a chemical imbalance
     
  9. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    well i started seeing a psychologist two weeks ago but at this point it has gone nowhere. but i am hoping it will help me. other than that i am going to start volunteering at the hospital in a week hopefully and also get a new job because right now my life is at nothing. the only thing i am doing good is in school.

    it could be a chemical imbalance but it could be just the fact that i tend to stress and exaggerate my situation all the time and i get really pessimistic.
     
  10. fray

    fray New Member

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    Sometimes you get in that cycle and it's hard to get out of it. Sounds like it could be depression or something. I thought that was just how I was and I went to therapy for a while and was on zoloft. It helped. Getting out of the situation that was bringing me down helped too. Probably moreso. Still notice myself slipping into that sometimes, but I recognize it and know that's not how I'm supposed to be, and am usually able to get over it now.

    Can you maybe take a few more classes and work less? Maybe get done with school sooner and move on to something new? I think right now you're just in a bad mindset. Changing jobs, schools, etc. might not really help. Maybe get some hobbies, start doing stuff where you're around more people....workout, take a class (like martial arts or something)...something social and something that will get you moving and maybe kill some energy and make you just feel less bored?
     
  11. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    one of the biggest things on my mind is how i kept going back and got played by my gf now exgf and i cant forgive myself for being stupid. and i keep dwelling on it. i just want to let go of her and my feelings towards her but i just cant do it. my confidence and self steem is down the drain cause of this whole "relationship". and i keep thinking about how i am going to face her again and it will kill me inside. my head hurts thinking about it.

    so she is gone for a month and by that time i want to forget her and get my life on track. gonna start volunteering, get a new job, start a new community college, find a group of friends to hang out with, and start dating again. so i got alot to get done and still try to take her off my mind.
     
  12. fray

    fray New Member

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    that's a lot to accomplish. Don't set yourself up by taking on too much. Then you'll only be let down if you don't get it done.

    It's hard to get over stupid mistakes. I have some things that I still feel bad about sometimes, that I just try and let it go. Yes, it was stupid...and would I do it again, maybe. I like to hope not, but who knows. But I feel like I was a different person then, in a different place, and unhappy. That goes a long way with what you'll put up with and how you'll react. Change now. You might've gone back and let her lead your life then, but _now_ you can change it. You can be in charge and it's hard and you won't understand how until you do it, but you can be strong now. You can make her stop affecting you now.

    You're doing good in school. That's great! You have a job. That's good too! If you're bored, or you think you're ready to move on, fine, do that.
    You have things going for you. It's just hard to see sometimes. Keep those, build on them and try to meet your goals, but do it for you, not so that you'll look better to her when you see her again. What she thinks doesn't matter. You don't need her.

    Keep going to your therapist too. Even when it seems stupid, it's usually helpful. They just offer a different viewpoint on things. And sometimes it just helps to talk about stuff.

    ...long. sorry.
     
  13. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    yeah i definitly need to change for myself. i let her control my thoughts because i didnt want to look for anyone and thought that she would just stay with me..

    well i am slowly changing things hopefully...i got the appoiment tommorow for volunteering. went to my new school for admission and going to a club tommorow and hopefuly get some numbers and have fun. i just gotta work 42 hours over the weekand which is gonna suck but hopefully i get out of it good.

    i am definitly gonna keep seeing therapist and slowly forget about her and move onand become more happy in my life.
     
  14. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    Your story reminds me a lot of myself and my issues that I had a while back.

    You actually have a rather good life. You're making progress towards your future, and most of your needs are covered.

    Your problem comes from what I term 'unmet expectations'.

    You have a vision of what you want your life to be, and, since its not that way, you get depressed about it. What you need to do is disband that unrealistic vision of what you want your life to be, and instead appreciate what you have, and accept what your life is. You'll know you've reached this point when you look at your life and can say 'if this is the way my life stays forever, it wont be that bad'

    I do not advocate giving up on your goals and dreams. However, you cannot reach your goals and dreams, and you must be patient. Accept your life as it is now, be content with it, and then point your life in the direction you want it to go, then take it one step at a time.

    With regards to your school, transferring wont help. You are there to learn, making friends is a secondary concern. I attend a very large institution, and I dont meet very many people either. Which is why I joined a club. Check out what clubs are on your campus, and join one. It's usually great fun.
     

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