SRS Losing a sibling- How do you cope?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by GND, Aug 18, 2008.

  1. GND

    GND BBP! OT Supporter

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    I just lost my oldest brother on 8/8/08 and received a call on 8/9 from my mom at 6:13am. I've never heard her sound like that EVER.

    He got killed in a car accident. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26165465/
    http://www.wral.com/news/news_briefs/story/3369234/
    It still seems extremely UNREAL even with the funeral that was on 8/16/08.

    There are several articles about him as well- all you have to do is search his name and several links come up.

    He had a very nice military style funeral with the Patriot Guard Riders as escorts to the church(they stood guard outside of the churc and burial grounds.) They even have a blog about him. http://www.patriotguard.org/ALLForums/tabid/61/view/topic/forumid/123/postid/948720/Default.aspx

    I haven't really been able to talk to anyone verbally about it other than my little brother a few co-workers(I started back to work today) and my bf as I still either tear up or break down a bit.

    I'm the oldest and we were 2 years apart. His 30th b-day is on September 7th.

    The really screwed up thing is that he had us all prepared for him getting killed over in Iraq or Afghanistan. We never really worried when he was over in the States on leave or anything. It's just CRAZY.

    All the freaking people in and out of our house starting from 8am until around 9 or 10pm got a bit much for me and my little brother at times. The phone calls usually started at 7ish am :hs:

    I sit here at work today not wanting to talk to really anyone or answer the phone (I let it go to voicemail most times)

    If you have any advice I would love for you to share.

    Thanks.
     
  2. SirBoss7

    SirBoss7 Life is a tragedy to those who feel and a comedy t

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    I'm sorry for your loss :sad:
     
  3. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    :eek3: :hug: I'm so so sorry for your loss. :hug: My thoughts and prayers are with you all
     
  4. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Time. Nothing will "fix" it, but time will make it easier. I lost my little brother eleven and a half years ago. It never really stops hurting, but after a while you get to where you can smile when you think about the good times.

    If you need to be alone, then be alone. Nothing wrong with it. But, if you're much like me, you'll want to be a lot more alone than you need to be.
     
  5. GND

    GND BBP! OT Supporter

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    Thanks all... :hs:
     
  6. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    god I am so sorry hang in there :wtc:
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    :hug: On behalf of the Asylum i want to hand over my condoleances for this tremendous loss. :hug:

    Its ok to cry it all out and letting it all go, i pray for you and your family that you will find the strenght to cope and receive the encouragement and support you need in these trying times. Your brother seems to be an unbelievable man with a great and wonderfull personality, and his heart in the right place for serving his country and wanting to protect his loved ones.

    The only advice i can give you on the long run is that, if you would imagine that you yourself would have died instead of him, would you be happy to see your loved ones in agony and grieve? Of course not, you would want them to be happy and live their lives to the fullest, so instead of dying for your brother, start living for him.

    He will remain to be in your heart forever and indeed as others said to remember him for the good times you had together. :love:

    If you need to talk to me personally to let it all out, or just to vent drop me a PM.
     
  8. Brian May

    Brian May New Member

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    What a terrible tragedy. I am very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through right now. :wtc:
     
  9. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    My condolences on your loss GND. :hug:

    I don't think anything can prepare us for the sudden loss of a loved one...especially not one so young. It's sad, confusing and it hurts like nothing else.

    I was 18 when I lost my oldest brother and I know what you mean about your mom sounding strange. My mom was the one that delivered the news to me and I can still hear her voice....and that was just over 22 years ago. Yep, I've now been alive longer without my brother than I was with him and that's very strange for me....for some reason.

    The thing I would encourage you to remember is that grief is a very strange process and everyone handles it differently. As you probably know by now, one minute you'll be laughing hysterically then next you'll be bawling your eyes out. Grief is like that. Sometimes you may laugh and feel guilty for it but it's OK....it's part of the process.

    I found that I couldn't really talk to anyone about the depth of my sadness because my friends just couldn't relate. They had no idea how deep the wounds went nor how intense the pain.....even 6 months or a year later. They just didn't get it but looking back, it was just me working through my grief.

    Be patient and good to yourself. You really can't speed up the process...it just takes time. For me and many others that I've talked to over the years, it takes about 2 years to finally get through with the grief. Sure after about 2-6 months you're functioning at very high levels and have long periods of happiness. However, to get back to 100% took me right at 2 years.

    I've lost loved ones since and that 2 year mark really seems to be true for me. Perhaps you'll be different, I don't know. I would hope that no matter if it's shorter or longer for you that you'll allow yourself to grieve.

    Anyways, I hope that helps and just know that you'll be in my prayers. :hug:
     
  10. GND

    GND BBP! OT Supporter

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    Thank you, and thanks for the advice. I have put myself in that situation you mentioned about what if it was me and it doesn't make me happy at all.

    It seems a lot easier to talk to people who have lost someone very close because they understand... at least that's what I've come across.
     
  11. GND

    GND BBP! OT Supporter

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    OMG that morning plays over in my head almost every night when I'm trying to sleep (getting to sleep has been challenging for me as well) and seeing my brother when we viewed his body. It's a scary/weird thing to think about. :sad2:

    You hit the nail on the head when one day you'll be great and the next you're crying.

    AND OMG- those 5 levels of coping with death. It's not that simple. I mean they don't actually come in order and some come back around...etc I was like WTF? and confused when I read up on them. DABDA- (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance)

    Patience is something I'm working on. It seems easier to talk to people through text/email/blogging that it does verbally for me right now.
    The only people I've actually been able to talk to a bit about it is of course my immediate family, bf and a few close co-workers. Other times I try to talk about it and get too emotional or teary eyed. :hs:

    Thanks for your advice. :hug:
     
  12. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    GND - I just saw this thread...I am so sorry for your loss :wtc: :hug: I don't think I can add much beyond what Coottie or anyone else has already said, but know someone in AZ is praying for you and your family at this time :wavey:
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2008
  13. OPM Inc.

    OPM Inc. OT Supporter

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  14. mushokuro

    mushokuro Advanced being

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    Im sorry for your loss :(
     
  15. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :wtc: i'm soo sorry to hear about your loss gnd. :(

    you are in my thoughts! :love:
     
  16. GND

    GND BBP! OT Supporter

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    thanks hon. :hug:
     
  17. Beezure

    Beezure Go Lightning!! OT Supporter

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    Sorry for your loss, my fiancee just lost her older brother, it's never easy loosing a loved one :wtc:

    Really the only thing i found that heals is time :wtc: which seems to drag in times like these.

    Just try to stay positive and not to go into a funk.

    :dunno:
     
  18. ihaveanevilplan

    ihaveanevilplan Everybody wake up, wake up, it's time to get down Moderator

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    i'm sorry monica :wtc:
     
  19. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    sorry to hear that...life is so fragile and things like that... just can never expect it.
     
  20. OhFourTwoThree

    OhFourTwoThree New Member

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    I lost a sibling about 2 years ago and it was also several months before the big 30. There are news articles on it too. There are times that I am okay..and other times, I just break down and still cry about it when alone. Sometimes I wonder if I'll go through this for the rest of my life. It's hard because my family is pretty close and this has been such as shocker for all of us. Not to mention that we also recently lost a close cousin.

    I know it is a lot easier said than done but just try to be thankful for having had your brother in your life even if it was for a short time. That's what personally helped me get through it. Instead of thinking about how he past and the tragic event, I try to focus on who he was and how he has blessed all of our lives.

    I hope this helps. I am very sorry for your loss.
     

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