SRS Looking for some explanation...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Low, Feb 21, 2007.

  1. Low

    Low New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2006
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ok. I'm going to try to keep this away from the mindless bitching style post and focus more on the raw issue I'm facing.

    For starters, my name is my favourite Coldplay song and in no way related to being a depressed 12 year old Myspace junkie which I am not.


    Alright. My problem is that lately I am just completely fucked in the head to a point where I can't hold one state for longer than 2 days. I've seen the best mood I've ever been in and the worst inside of 10 minutes in the past week and I also cried for the first time in YEARS just recently. My motive is unknown, and I have no real reason to be jumping from emotional state to state.

    An extreme I reached was when I was trying to go on the computer one night and I just started freaking out. I was progressivly falling deeper and deeper into a pit of depression and began hallucinating, so I went to sleep. It was one of the more terrifying moments of my existence.

    My life is one that you wouldn't see this coming out of, but is starting to be affected by this. My parents piss me off sometimes, but I'm 16 and that's what happens when you're 16. I have a girlfriend who is the first girl I've ever been serious about [despite my young age compared to most of you, I am absolutely positively sure that my outlook on the aspect of dating is different than most my age, and I take it 100% serious, just to put out there after seeing all the young relationships get shot down]. My friends are all pretty mellow guys, they never really piss me off, I never really piss them off. I do fine in school. I'm an aspiring filmmaker and I find myself procrastinating that goal a lot. But none of these things normally would make me so crazy.

    The biggest thing of those things in my life is my girlfriend. We were going completely perfect for a long time, but then I started doing this shit. I worry about every thing with her, like right down to if she likes me as much as her friends or if she secretely hates me or something. I tell her these things, and she always can calm me down, she's really supportive about it, and usually can talk me down. But when it comes to me being alone, I just worry about the same shit again, and get to doubting us and whatnot. When I'm what I like to call "me" I have not a doubt in my mind about us. This is when everything is real, this is when I see that I'm making all these issues up in my head. But when I get to the bad points, I don't remember what I was thinking like when I was happy and it all comes back. I litterally almost switch who I am when I go from good to bad. I've snapped into "me" in the middle of a fight that the "bad" me was conducting and almost cried in shock of what I was doing.

    She tells me to go to a dotor about it, and she cries sometimes about it because I scare her. But I just want to see if anyone else has the same issue before I go and get myself signed up for uppers...

    The relationship I have with my girlfriend is everything to me, and when I get doubting it, I feel like complete shit and I have no reason to be doubting it but that doesn't seem to matter in my head. Aside from her, every other part of me has been affected too.

    I've snapped at my parents and friends, making both feel like shit.
    I've stopped caring about school, something I NEVER do, because I never really find it hard so I just get stuff done for the sake of grades.
    I've considered giving up filmmaking, something I love.
    And I can barely be alone anymore without starting to turn into a fucking psycho.

    So yeah...

    PS: I didn't proof read this. If something doesn't make sense just ignore it.
     
  2. LiQuiD_FuSioN

    LiQuiD_FuSioN New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2004
    Messages:
    320
    Likes Received:
    0
    Listen, you need to just "snap" out of it now before it becomes a problem later on in life.

    I started my depression about 16 as well, but it was fueled by a lack of friends etc.

    I'm 20 now, still depressed.. and I've had no serious gf, ever. You're lucky to have someone to love.

    What you gotta do is think about the positive.. you seem to have a healthy mind on your shoulders, so it shouldn't be that big of problem for you.

    I know, all this is babble.. babble babble, boring.. afdsw2423rweafjwelfkjsldfj0328u238403 and you're about to click off/read the next post etc. But, listen, you still have a lot going for you. Concentrate on what matters to you, first of all. Don't let these feelings consume you.

    The best thing I can do is tell you to not let this bring you down. I know I should probably take my own advice, but being seriously depressed isn't fun.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You are emotionally bonded to your gf. If something effects her, it affects you, if something effects the relationship it effects you. And this is where it becomes important.

    *nightmare scenario* the gf has cheated on you, and has proclaimed love for your best friend. Your world crumbles down on you ,for you would never thought it would happen to you. You fall in a state of depression, and are unable to move forward in your life, the school didn't matter before but now that and even life itself doesn't matter anymore because she has left you, now what?*

    You shouldn't go into a relationship expecting it to work out just because you think your special or something. Reality is that a girl can pack her bags and leave anyday. So what you need to prevent is that you lay your hands in her life, that your life is dependant on what she does. Rather bring the power of your life back where it belongs, namely in YOUR hands. Show that you have a life of your own to live, independantly from her.

    You see, you can love somebody, but don't 'own' another person. You are your own individual with your own life first. And possibly who shares that life with others, if those bonds with others break you will be forced to fall back on yourself, or reach out for help.

    So what is important at this moment in your life?

    BALANCE.

    You see, you can't get good grades at school, do whats important in life, a house needs something to stand on, but a person does too. Emotional stability comes before intellectual stability can take place, so bring your life in calmer waters. Trust your gf(innocent until proven guilty) and show you have a life of your own to lead.

    Start giving a swing to your life in a positive direction and do happy constructive things instead of worries, that lead to nothing. Why don't you do something nice for your parents, maby even apologize and try jumping out of that vicious cycle and bringing love and light into the lives of the people that you know.
     
  4. Low

    Low New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2006
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    But see I'm completely aware of what I've got and how happy I should be when I'm normal... But when I lose it, reality goes out the window completely. I have no clue how to control it, I become someone who doesn't think a thing like me.
     
  5. LiQuiD_FuSioN

    LiQuiD_FuSioN New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2004
    Messages:
    320
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks for the reply. Maybe it's psychological then? The brain still grows until you're about 19/20. It could be that it's finally starting to mature and you don't understand what's going on.
     

Share This Page