Looking for advice from ladies v. getting over a major betrayal

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by demosnat, Jun 2, 2007.

  1. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Situation isn't really that important, no he didn't cheat on me, but it was a huge betrayal of trust. He has shown me that he will lie to me and break promises as soon as it becomes inconvenient for him to do otherwise. I have this huge fear that I will always be suspicious of him, never able to believe him, etc. He did this to me once before, and I forgave him, but never really got over it. I fear that I will never get over this, and that I will suffer for it/fixate on it despite improvements in the relationship.

    I told him all of this, and that I think he should look for somewhere else to live, and he did the typical cry apologize 'i cant lose you' 'best thing in my life'blah blah. To which I responded 'you can't be trusted' 'take me for granted' 'I don't think this will change and I don't feel that I should subject myself to this sort of emotional battery' blahblahblah

    Now: We have an otherwise solid relationship. I would like to salvage this if possible. I know this is a pretty fundamental thing, trust, but what i want to know is: have any of you ever had a successful relationship after a fundamental betrayal of trust? if so, how did you or your SO get over it?
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I hate to say it...but yeah, after I've been betrayed and lost trust in an SO it's never been the same. My biggest fear in a relationship in fact is to be betrayed/cheated on/taken for granted. Those things to me are unforgiveable.

    In fact, the other weekend my bf scared me to death and tested my trust on a really silly matter, but how he handled it was not good at all and made the situation seem that much more important. Luckily it was a small enough thing and he apologized profusely immediately. I feel much better, but I know if a situation similar to it ever happens again I'm most likely going to panic.

    It's hard to say without actually asking you what exactly happened...but either way with most situations it's almost impossible to come back from something where trust is lost.
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2007
  3. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Thanks wywb
    I thought you'd be the first one in here
    And I knew you'd say that :wtc:
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :( I know. You're very smart though, so I know you are really thinking about this in a rational matter. No one can obviously tell you what to do, but I understand wanting to hear hopeful responses.
     
  5. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    It's not good depending on someone you can't trust. If I can't trust someone I wouldn't have them in a position where I depend on them. But even people that have lied to you or betrayed you can earn back your trust with time and effort. You'll usually know if they make the effort or not.

    In my experience it depends on the person alot. When they seem truly earnest and sorry I would consider giving them a chance depending on what they did. Some I'll start naturally trusting again when they've proved themselves, others I won't. All people in general make mistakes and deserve forgiveness
     
  6. Durka Durka

    Durka Durka Guest

    short answer: no
     
  7. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    will he change
    will you get over your fear
    probably no for both of those.




    my personal attempts have faltered, however my current relationship might be the exception to the rule. :hs:
     
  8. fray

    fray New Member

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    If it was just unfounded fears that were causing you not to trust him, then I'd say stick it out. But he's shown you on more than one occasion that you are correct. I don't think it's going to get any easier for you, and if you're like me, it's just going to eat away at you. You may not be ready now, but it sounds like you need to find someone who you find to be trustworthy since it's obviously an important issue.
     
  9. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    honestly, if he had only done it once, i'd say that you might be able to get over it. But, since he did it once before and it was a huge issue that you were never really able to get over in the first place and he did it AGAIN... i don't think i could recover from that :hs:
     
  10. Guerilla Grower

    Guerilla Grower New Member

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    Fool me once, shame on you
    Fool me twice, shame on me

    I always think of this in situations such as these, as I myself have had to deal with this (who hasn't at one point?) I've given women second chances more times then I should have, even third chances such as your situation here and 99% of the time it came back to bite me in the ass. But thats the way it goes, and I partially blame myself for giving them my trust again.
     

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