SRS Looking for advice... friend doing drugs

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by giz, Apr 16, 2009.

  1. giz

    giz Active Member

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    I cross-posted this in the vag, where I know people. To give some background, Alli is my ex-gf whom I broke up with at the beginning of the year, but am still on good terms with. Her father passed away one month ago. I'm looking for advice as to what I should do at this point. Thanks. :hs:....


    so I don't know what to do. :wtc: I randomly ran into Alli again tonight and she was stoned out of her mind, she couldn't even talk to me (remember she had been smoking when I picked her up last night too). Entirely different personality, I wouldn't have ever recognized her.

    I had talked to her friends about my concern last night, and they kinda blew it off. Then they saw it first person tonight and admitted she was acting really weird. They also said they knew she was doing other drugs, such as xanax and adderall (I knew about the adderall).

    She was such a different person, it was upsetting. I'll say she comes from a city notorious for drug abuse. I realize people deal with the death of family member in all sorts of different ways, but we can all agree drugs aren't the answer. Her friends don't seem to care enough to do anything. I genuinely am concerned for her.

    I've seen so many friends fall into this lifestyle, and half of them are in jail or juvy right now. It's a slipperly slope and I feel like I should step in. I'm am so close to calling her mother tomorrow. She knows who I am, and I can say with 100% honesty that I am only looking out for her. People think so short-term, but where will this lead 6-months, 1 year from now?

    I hate this. I can't just sit back and watch her throw her life away to drugs. I know I probably will get shit for stepping past my bounds here, but I'm taking this 100% seriously. This is the one person in my life that I genuinely care about and it is heartbreaking to watch her start down this path. :(
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2009
  2. Anudist

    Anudist Turnin' Jesus on, one lightswitch at a time.

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    Hello to a fellow Utahrd.

    I've been in this situation before but with a friend and not someone I had a relationship with. What kind of substances is she doing? Something like Marijuana can pass quickly without being too big of a neussance. If it's something along the lines of cocaine or meth, or pills, it's worth stepping in. However, going above her head to her mother is disrespectful to your friendship and past relationship.

    Arrange some time to meet with her and voice your concerns. You're right, it can be a very slippery slope and it's best to nip things in the bud, but have respect for her as an individual. If she's truely in trouble, she's going to have to WANT to fix things, not be forced to, she will likely rebel that way.

    That's my opinion anyways, others may have better advice for you.
     
  3. notcreative

    notcreative New Member

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    Let her work through it on her own. She has to be ready to quit and move on when she is ready, not being forced because you don't feel it's morally right.

    When she is giving BJ's for crack in the public restroom of a greyhound station, then step in. Otherwise, stay out of it.
     
  4. morphine

    morphine New Member

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    How old is she? If she's below say 22, stay out of it, let her learn from her mistakes...hard for you to see, but it's probably the best way.

    If she's above 22 and it's time for her to grow up and get help, sit down with her and let her know that you are concerned for her wellbeing.
     
  5. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    talk to her about it. dont confront her and make her feel like you are attacking her, tell her you are worried or concerned about it and maybe try to get to the root of why she is doing it (yes, her dads death is the obvious answer, but she may not realize that actually...and you questioning might help her see it)

    i wouldnt go to her mom yet. its going to cause her not to trust you. i know you are only trying to do whats best for her, but try to work it out with her first.
     
  6. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Unfortunately I don't see this ending well regardless of the advice I give you. Drug abuse, drug addiction while different things, are equally damaging, especially to the person's surrounding relationships.

    The best thing you can do is ask her how you can support her. Ask her if she wants to discontinue what she's doing -- don't tell her "You have to, or... it's really bad for you, etc -- she already knows that."

    Be supportive, then back off -- people are ultimately responsible for the choices they make. If you feel the situation is out of control, she's under age, and an emergency, contact her family and let them know that "You didn't hear this from me, I only have her best interest at heart and don't want to see our relationship destroyed just because I'm doing what I believe is right."

    If she's interested in help, come back to us and we'll advise. If she's not interested in help, and the situation isn't dangerous (in your uneducated opinion), do some research online, and just stay out of her way -- but continue to be her friend. If continuing to be her friend becomes a heavy burden on you because of her changing behavior, then separate yourself and discontinue spending too much time with her.

    If she's over 18, it's her responsibility medically to handle severe addiction. You're welcome to attempt to do an intervention with people that she can trust. For example, don't ask her alcoholic/sexually abusive dad to sit in on an intervention and try to talk his daughter down -- that's just not right.

    Only intervene with a professional drug counselor present, and only with supportive people who you know she trusts. Also, don't expect to be a hero in the end. You will likely lose this relationship if it comes to most of these conclusions -- but you have to do what you believe is right for your own peace.
     
  7. giz

    giz Active Member

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    thanks for all the comments/advice. I agree that I should try to sit down and talk to her first. It hasn't reached a point where it's serious enough to involve family, but I do feel like it's my responsibility as a friend to watch for signs that she isn't dealing well with her grief and proactively work to help her.

    It's her choice whether or not she wants help. I guess I can only sit back and hope it doesn't get worse.
     
  8. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Honestly people have to hit rock bottom.

    I went through this with a good friend of mine last year. Some shit happened in his life and he started hanging out with a bad crowd and by summer he was using heroin. He wasn't ready to listen to my advice - he had to fail on his own. I tried talking to him and he didn't talk to me until he got out of rehab this past summer..

    So really, I have no advice to give. He finally got help because he was forced to (court mandated) and sometimes that's the only way people will listen - hitting absolute rock bottom.
     
  9. boosted420

    boosted420 New Member

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    Leave her alone. People learn from their mistakes. Besides, she is just getting high on weed...who cares.
    If you intervene, she may never want to talk to you again.

    When she starts slamming 8-balls of coke in a matter of a few hours, then you can intervene.
     
  10. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    Marijuana's not much to worry about. It's what it may lead to given her current mindset that can be troubling. Adderall and Xanax abuse isn't a good sign, but I don't know the level of her abuse with it. It could be a simple amount just to perk her up, or it could be a lot...either way it could lead to worse, it could level off. Honestly, drug use is a beast to overcome in regards to the user who is using it for psychological anguish.

    Ultimately, if they don't want to stop - they won't, and there's really not much you can do to make them get into the mindset you want them to be in.

    Be there for her to talk to if you must, but if you find this draining your life - walk away. She is ultimately responsible for her own life and her own decisions. If it gets past what you can handle, give her some phone numbers to call, and doctors to see and walk away. It's up to her to decide if she needs help after all.
     
  11. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    Bad idea. Talk to her but I guarantee she'll never forgive you if you tell her mother.
     
  12. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    I've battled with my own Xanax addiction for some time now, I know firsthand how scary that shit is. I used them casually for over a year before they even started to effect my daily living, but by the time it started to effect me I was too comfortable with the drug to let it go. Xanax in the right dosage in moderate amounts can be a good thing, it really can. Unfortunately for a lot of people Xanax can be incredibly addicting for a number of different reasons, its short half-life and quick reward makes it very easy to become dependent on in stressful situation. If she isn't getting it by legal means she probably is abusing the drug, and abuse with xanax is always a slippery slope.

    If she wants to do Xanax that's fine, but so long as she understands what she is getting into. After a few days of consistently taking Xanax you get a constant-state high, if she isn't eating enough to really dull her mind that isn't bad for a few months. It can really make it easier to push threw your obstacles and get things done, I know from firsthand experience that on a low dose I can function better in certain situations. I also know that A Xanax bar and a bottle of wine is a wonderful thing. I know that guilt free sex with whomever is pretty easy when you start feeding people xanax. I know how hard it is to turn down free xanax, and I can bet you if she is at all pretty people will pass it to her like its candy.

    Drugs effect us all differently and we all have different defenses against drug addiction. When I started to lose control of my habit I was really just too high to notice that it was happening. I'm not going to get into the whole story but I basically got a lot of free xanax because of a girlfriends quack ass doctor and quickly grew dependent on the girl as my source of drugs, and of course the drugs themselves. I really didn't know much about Xanax, and I don't have the friends or family to tell my not to do those kinds of things. They all know I'm smart enough to know not to on my own, but I really was just to high to notice I was quickly becoming an addict.

    Its going to be hard for you to say how much xanax for her is too much, she could very well be making good use of it, but it really is a good friends place to let their concerns be known. No one would have been able to get me to stop (maybe my brother, but no one tried), and if she meets someone and has fun eating xanax with them no one will get her to stop. Its just how people are, I've seen it happen with a good number of people that eat this shit more than they should. If she knows what she is walking towards and understands that she is starting an addiction forming habit before it really becomes a problem she might stop it before it happens.
     
  13. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    From what you know, this is new behavior for her so my responses are based off of that.

    She grew up in a city that is known for some drug abuse. She didn’t start this behavior while she was a teenager or while she lived there and she does not live there now. She started this behavior and continues her behavior in a much more mainstream environment.

    I have 3 very close co-workers/friends who grew up in the same city. They all started smoking while they lived there (teens), never got in “trouble”, and live in SL now. They have mortgages, car payments and take care of their responsibilities. People’s lives turn out how they make them.

    People express themselves in different ways. What if she gets high and starts crying and her friend is there for a shoulder to cry on? Is that friend not doing anything for her?

    You’re comparing your HS friends to your friends in college. Its seems strange to me to compare these groups of people on any level.

    The advice you are getting is based on the fact that your actions will probably not have the intended result.

    Its time for you to define what is going to work for you as far as her being in your life. There was a point that you wanted to get back together with her, and if you still have those feelings, its time to ask yourself if you can live with your GF smoking. Or perhaps you’re OK with your friend smoking. Or maybe neither. Figure out how this fits into your life instead of trying to change her. She is who she is and if you’re truly friends, or if you truly love her, you accept her as she is.
     
  14. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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