SRS Looking for a little perspective.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by deusexaethera, Feb 25, 2009.

  1. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    So I just got this cool flashlight. (see avatar.) It was $250. The price is not what I need perspective on (so says I, anyway), but I don't want it distracting from the issue. It's two days' pay for me.

    I was showing it to one of the guys at work today, listing off stuff like how bright it is, how it has user-selectable high/low settings, how it's hand-calibrated by the guy who builds them so they're all the same brightness (which is an issue with LEDs, apparently), etc. He hands it back and says "that thing will last the rest of your life -- if you don't lose it." I agree. He points out that a cellphone costs as much and only lasts a few years. I agree, and respond "yeah, it's a lot of money, and the guy who makes these used to make other ones that weren't as bright, but this one is good enough that in 10 years, it'll still be a damn good flashlight."

    Out of nowhere, the quiet Chinese girl sitting across the walkway from the guy I was talking to says "you know why you're always explaining things to people?" :squint:...why. "Because you do crazy things like buying $250 flashlights." :ugh: What's your point. "Just trying to help you deal with your problem, that's all." I don't have a problem. "You know what they say about admitting you have a problem..."

    :( I'm not sure it would've stung more if she'd walked up and slapped me across the face. I had absolutely no idea what to say, and I didn't talk to anyone for the rest of the day. (no idea if she picked up on that.)

    So what I need perspective on is, how big of a deal was this, and how should I handle it? I'm too sensitive to offhanded insults from people I like to be able to think clearly on this one. You know that one kid in every class who everyone picks on? I was the kid those kids picked on to make themselves feel better. I wasn't at the bottom of the barrel, I was the bottom of the barrel. Hell, even teachers laughed on occasion when someone made a particularly zinging remark about me. (this happened more than once.) A great many of those insults specifically targeted my intelligence -- or as they liked to put it, "my freakishly large head." Over time I have learned to deal with the oneupmanship that goes along with being a guy around other guys, but occasionally I'll still get broadsided by something like this. Reasons why:

    1. She's smart and attractive; the only other person in the office, in fact, whose brain moves as fast as mine does. I'm not trying to kiss my own ass; even in work-related matters she says things on a regular basis that I haven't had time to predict and formulate an answer to yet, and she's the only one who can (or does, anyway) do that.

    2. She turned my intelligence into a bad thing, which is for me the equivalent of taking a shit in my high school football trophy -- it took one of my strongest natural abilities, one which more/less dictates the kind of person I am, and slammed it. I'm immensely proud of my intelligence, not for no reason, either, because it pays my bills if nothing else. (side note: I explain things to people for a living, writing user manuals and design documents.) If I extrapolate from her comment, she basically said I do stupid things and then try to rationalize them to hide their stupidity, that I don't put any thought into whether something makes sense before I do it. I spent months (not constantly) picking out that flashlight, based on its features, and that's the status quo for pretty much everything I do when I have the time to do it.

    So rationally speaking, she's flat-out wrong, but it's not a rational part of my mind that's reacting to this. Everyone has a few chinks in their armor, and she stuck that comment right between my ribs and twisted. Had she said "you're nuts to spend that much money on a flashlight", it would've rolled off my back like water, no big deal. But the way she worded it, bringing my intelligence into question and casting it in a negative light, homed right in on the sorest nerve I have and stabbed it.

    So I can tell she's perceptive, perhaps moreso than she realizes. (come to think of it, she did get a degree in psychology -- that's going to be fun to work around.) The biggest problem, aside from my bruised ego, is it happened at work and I need to be careful how I deal with it.

    Thoughts?
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2009
  2. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Fuck, that was longer than I thought.

    CLIFFS: Cute girl at work insulted my intelligence, probably not intentionally, but I can't tell. I also don't know how to deal with it because I'm proud of my intelligence and because it happened at work.
     
  3. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Sounds like she is jealous you can afford an expensive flash light and I think you are reading to much into it.

    Also, when/if someone puts you down like that, it is because they have some insecurity that they full fill when they put you down.
     
  4. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    I probably am reading too much into it, but as previously stated, I'm too sensitive to insults like this to distance myself from it like I should.

    Her father is the director of two divisions in the company and he drives a Mercedes coupe. I doubt she lives on a shoestring. She has an LG EnV phone and a nice selection of clothes, too, which doubtless cost more than my new toy. I don't need a lesson in how the value of things is relative to one's priorities, but it continues to seem strange that she would've totally missed that point and made the comment she did about it.

    The more evolved parts of my brain tell me that she probably didn't mean for it to come across the way it did, and we get along well enough otherwise. Maybe she was just annoyed at the time, and maybe she learned more about psychology than she realizes, and she didn't put 2+2 together and realize it might be bad to jab me in a weak spot. But then again, she doesn't know me well enough to know what's going to offend me, and we were at work, so the comment was nonetheless inappropriate.

    What I'm trying to come up with is how to clear the air without accusing her of being a cold insensitive bitch, which is what the less-evolved parts of my brain are telling me she is.
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2009
  5. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Ask her how much money she spends on purses or shoes a year call her out on it man, point is some people might think its retarded to spend $250 on a flashlight but I'm sure they blow money on something you would think is stupid. I would just ignore her let it roll off and tell her to mind her own business
     
  6. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    everyday is a new day. Try not to bring yesterday's comments and grudges into today. she just thought you were stepping out of your personality, and pointed it out.

    be nice to her next time you see her. Simply smile, wave, or greet her as nicely as possible. Only you choose how to perceive people, and even thinking it is living it. keep that in mind, and make the choice for yourself :)
     
  7. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    I don't have any problem letting this one go; what I need to do is convey to her that it's a bad idea to say things like that in an office environment, and that this particular comment really went over badly. It literally ruined my day, and I don't want it to happen again.

    In any event, sleeping on it helps.

    I gotta be honest, this comment makes absolutely no sense to me. I'm not even sure what you're saying.
     
  8. Lou

    Lou New Member

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    Was her tone of voice malicious? She might have been bantering with you and you didn't pick up on it?
     
  9. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Her tone of voice doesn't change. She probably intended to banter, but it was too forceful.

    Once again, the question is "how do I clear the air about it".
     
  10. northw3st

    northw3st New Member

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    never let someone else's opinion negatively affect your life. it's like that quote. "pay no attention to critics. don't even ignore them"
     
  11. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    Don't see what the big deal us. People like their toys and do certain things that keep them happy. I happen to spend thousands of dollars on aquariums and people think I'm crazy for it. And when people ask me about them, I give them an earful.
     
  12. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Good advice in general. Harder to do in practice when one is so weird that one has only met three people in one's life who think the same way one does, and this is one of them.

    I told someone that and they said "well shit, some of us feel like chopped liver." I suppose drowning in a sea of me's isn't fun, but at least it isn't lonely too.
     
  13. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    All truth right here. My roommate gave me shit that I play warhammer and it costs tons of money. Then the other day he went out and bought a $500 gold necklace for himself :rofl:.
     
  14. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Tell her to shut the fuck up. It's your money, you can spend it on whatever you want to and it's none of her fucking business.
     
  15. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    I've since talked to her again (not about this), and concluded that I really was overreacting for reasons that are only relevant to someone with my specific history. The weird thing is she only jabs me when other people are around; by ourselves at the end of the workday, she's very straightforward and intelligent.

    I guess she's just trying to participate in the banter between the other two guys and myself in that same work area.
     
  16. KingOfBabTouma

    KingOfBabTouma Hepinize daha iyiyim OT Supporter

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    much easier said than done:hs:
     
  17. marvd00d

    marvd00d Gonzalez>Swine Flu

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    Never look too much into shit... 99% of the time it wasn't anything at all
     
  18. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    If someone said something like that to me, attractive/smart/stupid/ugly...anyone...I would completely ignore them and focus my attention on the non-douchebags I was actually talking to in the first place. What business is it of hers that you happen to enjoy buying certain things? It's your money and your choice. The fact that she's stating you have a problem because you're doing something you enjoy is pretty much a clear pointer that this woman is in her own little world and can't possibly comprehend that other people may have different ideas about how to enjoy their life. I don't think this woman is as smart as you think.
     

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