SRS Longtem best friend (girl) and I finally getting together...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Hym3n, Oct 30, 2008.

  1. Hym3n

    Hym3n New Member

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    I'll make this as short as I can.

    We're both nearly 21 years old and have been friends since 15. I was always crazy for her, but her not so much into me. At some point around age 16 (shit, the posts are still up here on OT, some of my first ones), we hook up for a weekend, I lose my virginity, etc etc. In the following few days she crushed me saying that she didn't want to a relationship out of it. I learned to get over it, and our friendship faded in and out over the next few years. Sometimes we were very close, sometimes we were distant, but in all, we would always be there for one another whenever things were going wrong. We know each other better than anyone else and want the best for both of us. We are truly great friends.

    While in my last relationship, her and I saw each other maybe twice over the span of a year. Not much, but enough to maintain a friendship. When my last ex and I split, I hung out with her a few times immediately afterward, and that was about it. Over the next nine months, we did not see each other at all. I decided to randomly txt her one evening about two months ago, and we have since seen each other several times a week. During this time period, she's begun to develop feelings for me, outside of what we're used to. My feelings are still there, of course...

    Over the last weekend we made out a lot, partied with a bunch of mutual friends, went places as a "couple," enjoyed teasing each other about the whole thing... just having fun together. This girl is my softspot, she is perfect for me. Tonight we hang out, watch a movie, have some foreplay... and I turn her down on sex.

    I am an extremely sexual person by nature. I want to fuck everything with legs. I'm always making sexually suggestive comments and have a ridiculous libido. At this point in time, its been 13 months since the last time I've had sex. And coming from consecutive relationships where I had sex often several times a day, every single day... I NEED sex. Yet, I turned her down. The girl I've been crazy about for years, that I haven't had sex with since I was 16. We still had a good night, but I made some awkward comments here and there just due to my anxiety. I simply do not know what to do. She wants me. Bad. She's crazy for me right now. Honestly it scares the shit out of me.

    I want to be with her, I love this girl and we both know it. But at the same time I don't want to lose my friendship. I've only had two other friends for the same duration as her, and knowing that we're 20, in a relationship... realistically, it is not going to last. And knowing that I'm expediting the end of one of my best friendships absolutely crushes me. I simply do not know what to do.

    Have any of you been through something like this before? Is there any sound advice out there? I am breaking down right now and none of my other friends want to hear anything about it because of all of the bullshit women drama I've put them through in the past.
     
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2008
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    well, if you don't want to lose the friendship, you've put yourself in an awkward place with the making out and such.

    But if you really want to do that, you're gonna have to flat out tell her "I value your friendship more than the chance of getting romantically involved with you".

    If you're lucky, she won't have gotten attached to you romantically, and will be cool with it.

    And whatever you do, do NOT become FWB. That will kill the friendship.
     
  3. GanglyGoodness

    GanglyGoodness .

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    If you don't take the chance you will probably wonder about it for a long time. Besides, if she has strong feelings for you and you turn her down, chances are the friendship you have, or had, will not be the same.
     
  4. grltechie21

    grltechie21 *insert something witty here*

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    Girls like to know what's on a guys mind and how he feels when he's upset/stressed. The best thing you need is to ask her how she feels about you and the friendship you two have.
    The worst thing you can do is not talk to her about it, leaving her to assume the worst.
     
  5. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    you have to have more faith in your friendship. strong bonds can overcome a lot of turmoil. if your friendship is strong, it will survive long after the relationship ends. it will be different, but all friendship change over time, so that's nothing to fear.

    however, you're more aware of how strong your friendship actually is. if you feel that it's not the type that will survive if you two do get involved, then you have to decide what's more important. do you want to preserve a long-lasting friendship with her? or do you want to get involved and ride it out as long as you can? if you choose the former, then you have to be upfront and tell her that you do not want to get involved and would rather focus on the friendship.

    what tosses a wrench into it all is that by you not wanting to get involved in order to preserve the friendsip, you may actually end up losing her as a friend as well. she may be hurt by you not wanting to get involved (regardless of your intentions) and may not want anything to do with you.

    i say go for it and whatever happens, happens. with the exception of some stuff (cheating, beating, etc), your friendship should survive even if things don't work out. if it doesn't, well then, you really have no reason to fight for this friendship to begin with. haha, it's a bit of silly logic, but if the friendship is strong enough (that you're willing to forgo a relationship for fear of losing the friendship) it will survive the relationship part, so go for it. likewise, if the friendship is not strong enough to survive then it will end eventually anyways, so you might as well go for the relationship.
     
  6. Hym3n

    Hym3n New Member

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    Wow, some really good advice! Thank you everyone, very much. My current intention is just to keep going with it and take things slow. Preserving the friendship, both in and out of the relationship, is the most important thing to me. Having both... well... that would just be the best a man could hope for.

    Still looking forward to more thoughts and if anyone has any first-hand experience with this, speak up! Thank you all again!
     
  7. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Why can't you love her as a friend AND as a lover at the same time?

    Which do you lover her as more?

    I don't understand your hesitation... if a girl I was into in the past all of a sudden was into me in the present I would jump at the opportunity for a relationship.
     

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