SRS Long Time Reader, First Time Poster...Need Help (Girl Issue Of Course)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Quent, Mar 24, 2008.

  1. Quent

    Quent New Member

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    Ok so back in January my ex decides that she wants to be back in my life after I have been pretty much blowing her off for the last 2 years. We went out in high school and part of college, altogether about 3.5 years. The relationship got stale so we just ended up seeing different people, I never agreed with the way she was partying and going on with her life so I pretty much just stopped talking to her.
    Well this January she got in touch with me after breaking up with her bf and told me how much she realized that she had something good with me and I knew how to do all the right things blah blah blah....We basically started hanging out and now its a regular thing that we double date with her cousin and her cousins bf. Now heres the catch, we aren't together and its annoying me now.
    I have talked to her twice about it and her response is that she isn't ready for a relationship right now because she is very stressed about school, which she really is. I talked to her twice about it but its been about a month since the last time I bought it up. The last time we talked she told me that I am the only guy she gives her time and attention to and anyone else is basically an aquaintence, since then she gives me alot of her time, going out to dinner, coming over for movies, going to the gym 4 times a week, she even wants to come over and cook dinner one night.
    It has me so confused because she spends a lot of her time with me but doesn't even entertain the thought of getting together. I really don't want to just cut her off but now I'm getting impatient with her. What the heck is she doing? What can I do to get something jumpstarted between us?

    Sorry this is a novel, but this is my first post and this is really really bothering me. Thanks for all your responses and help.

    Cliffs:
    1. Gf of 3.5 years starts talking again.
    2. Double date and spend lots of time together.
    3. Not actually together.
    4. WTF.
     
  2. Quent

    Quent New Member

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    It's annoying to be so close to her yet not be romantically exclusive.

    Metallic Blue I want to thank you for that. That is the most clear un biased advice I have received so far. I would like to continue and hang out with her, we live in Delaware so there really isn't much to do and the ratio of girls (the good ones) to guys is very very slim. I definitely will keep her at arms length though. I used to call and find out what she was up to or try and hang out but I am starting to ween myself away from all of that. I try and go to clubs and hang out with friends but never seem to find anyone, I guess I was hoping that there would be some security with her but there obviously isn't.
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I'm just clapping right now reading METALLIC'S responses. You don't need any more advice. Either listen to that or do whatever you want like you probably will anyhow.
     
  4. Quent

    Quent New Member

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    Well I will definitely take heed to his words because they have given me the insight that I wanted. I think what would probably be best for me is to try and occupy myself in other ways. Ultimately I want companionship but I definitely see that I am chasing a lost cause. I just wish it was easier sometimes.
     
  5. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    so...sounds she's using you as a temporary relationship. She's taking it all from you emotionally without giving anything back...but as soon as she finds some guy she likes, I guarantee, she will disappear.

    You're just being used until she finds someone she likes better. Sorry, but it's the truth. That's why she is acting like she is in a relationship with you, but not actually committing.
     
  6. Ark

    Ark New Member

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    From a guy that just went through this a month ago. It seems to me to be just what MattThom01 is saying. She needs to feel emotionally connected to someone after her recent break up so that she can get over that break up and is therefore using you and taking it all from you and giving nothing back.

    It took me a long time to realize this and follow MB's advice of making one solid decision and sticking to it but I did it and so far it has worked just fine. In my case I decided to end it because she would never commit to me as she seems to have commitment issues and within a few days she had a new guy, who I knew (awkward) and a month after that she broke up with him too. The same way her and I did.
     
  7. Quent

    Quent New Member

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    Thank you rangerfan. I came home today and just put a lot of thought into everything. I have another girls number and I decided to use it. Part of the process I guess.
    The girl this thread is about gave me a call and is supposed to come down and work out I guess. At this point I could careless because I am pretty jaded towards her. I don't want her to notice that I caught on to anything but I am definitely going to pull away from her and figure out how to do things on my own. I have my own self esteem issues so this definitely makes it a little worse but I will try and see what happens. Hopefully a success story will come out of all of this. Thanks.
     

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