SRS long-term relationship goal v.babies

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Simple, Aug 29, 2008.

  1. Simple

    Simple Sexy Beatch

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    g/f and I have been dating for 5+ years. we don't live together but we love each other. would you be able to continue in a relationship knowing that your S/O does not want kids when you do? I realize there are ways around this i.e. adoption, surrogate mother etc. but I don't think she ever really wants kids/babies.
     
  2. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    If my SO never wanted kids of any kind (biological, adoption, etc...) and even if I loved her very much. I don't think I would be able to be in a romantic relationship.

    Does your SO not want to have kids of any kind?
     
  3. Simple

    Simple Sexy Beatch

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    I think that's the basic gist of it...i need time to think this over but it kills me because I love her so much.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    If i where you i wouldn't worry too much about it. You know you guys aren't married yet , and things are completely different if you share a house together. I think she just isn't in the 'right stage of life' just yet.

    So if i where you id ask her the question, and what if we were married and were living together , would you consider having children then?

    If she really answers no on that, then i would really consider your worries valid on this. Its a little bit of a touchy subject, many people who are young will say this because 'oh they had such a dramatic childhood, they never want a kid to go thru that' , sometimes even justified. But i feel that if you have a solid future to offer for a child, then things might become different for both of you.

    I personally wouldn't leave a partner that wouldn't want to have children, but then again i never would want to have children either. But i might change my mind if my partner would want to have them.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    When it comes to huge life-altering choices for the both of you and one doesn't agree with it....fail tends to be imminent whether you want to believe it or not.

    If you want kids and your SO doesn't you aren't supposed to force them or try to make them want one. Unless someone wants a child they should never be expected to just have one and learn to love it.

    In other words, if you want a child and after 5 years together your gf still has no interest in ever having one and can tell you she'll never want one you need to accept that and find a woman who will have a child with you :dunno:
     
  6. borazhasleftthebuilding

    borazhasleftthebuilding Lets Party OT Supporter

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    wtf are you trying to say?

    she doesnt want to be pregnant [ ]
    she doesnt want to raise kids [ ]
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Both.

    He wants kids, she does not. After 5 years he's just holding out and hoping that she'll eventually want them.
     
  8. lick wid nit wit

    lick wid nit wit Official OT Oracle

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    If she's not going to change her mind about children you have two choices:

    Stay and accept her decision. She is the one who has the uterus and has to carry a baby to term. It's a much tougher process for her than it is for you.

    Move on and find someone who does want kids. I know it will suck after five years but there is a good chance she is not going to change her mind. Badgering her about kids is probably going to do nothing except reinforce her childfree stance.

    You have a decision to make here. How important is having a family to you?
     
  9. Simple

    Simple Sexy Beatch

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    yeah I know that there is literally nothing I can do to change her mind about kids. I have though about the fact that she's young but I also know that she's rational and has thought this over ALOT. having kids is very important to me because I see it as a purpose in life, to raise a kid, to make a difference in someone's life, to continue on your family name etc.

    my biggest fear is that if I leave someone that's perfect good for me in so many other ways, a) what happens if no-one else quite measures up, b) what happens with her?
     
  10. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    No. I couldn't. I've been with my SO for 5 years and if he said he didn't want a family, I'd have to leave him. Its not something I can compromise on and it wouldn't be fair for either of us to stay. :hs:

    I'm so sorry you have to make this kind of choice. :hug:
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    How old are you both? Been together 5 years and not living together?
     
  12. Simple

    Simple Sexy Beatch

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    its complicated. 24/25. i live on my own, she lives with her pops (parents are divorced). its complicated.
     
  13. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    Meh. My SO and have been together that long and we don't live together- we're 25 and 27. No biggie if you're both cool with it :dunno:

    How long have you known she doesn't want kids? Is there anything else you guys a fundamentally different on?
     
  14. Bacardi 151

    Bacardi 151 New Member

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    If you do ever plan to get married, make sure you work this out BEFORE you do. :hs:
     
  15. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    I dont want kids. If my husband wanted kids, I really doubt our relationship would have even started (we'd talked about things like that before even dating, when we were getting to know one another). We even made sure we were on the same page before getting married. So no, it probably wouldn't have worked out if we had wanted different things. If it is that important to you, then you might need to find someone who wants the same as you.
     

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