SRS Long story about being rejected...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by dukedevil0, Jun 13, 2005.

  1. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    I'm not providing much background on this story, but I'm hoping that some comments will be posted to maybe either clue me in on what is going on, what i should do, or maybe just some sympathy :hs:

    Quick history about this girl. Met her in the fall through a mutual friend, we hit it off and talked/hung out a lot. She was going off to study abroad in the spring so I didn't want things to get too serious. I started falling for her hard and kissed her drunk once which actually seemed to go well. I drove her to the airport when she was flying away to Rome and I kissed her before she left and we decided that we would just see what happens when she returned in 4 months.

    This is the email I just wrote to one of my best friends, maybe someone will actually read it though it is quite lengthy.

    I'm just hoping someone can help in some way...
     
  2. Laserbeak

    Laserbeak Remember kids! Be like Billy! BEHAVE YOURSELVES!

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    Eh, sounds like she's got her mind made up, I wouldn't expect anything out of this one. Sorry dude. :/
     
  3. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I think you got your answer. You got the martyr speech -- "I don't want you waiting for me...." or the ever popular "I don't deserve you........" from the ever popular "How to tell a man no" greatest hits.
     
  4. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    She probably didn't want to come home with the expectation that she'd immediately jump into a relationship with you. I'd feel wierd about that too. Give it some time and don't pressure her; she probably feels like you expected her to become your GF right away.
     
  5. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    Hard to say. I had a girl that told me the same thing. That she just wanted to be friends. Then two weeks later we were dating. So you never know. Actually this has happened to me twice. Where the girl told me she just wanted to stay friends, so I said ok and kind of just stopped hanging out with them. Then they came back and told me they want to give it a shot. I dont know, women are indecisive.
     
  6. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    Yeah I think this guy is right. Just give her some time. If it happens it will happen. Relationships shouldn't be this hard on either person. If it's meant to be, it will work out, so don't stress about it.

    It's good you made a move on her, b/c myself included, not many people would have had the balls to do that. :bigthumb:
     
  7. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    No good to cling to hope though. I've clung to hope...still clinging perhaps even though every logical fiber in my body tells me it's no use....and it's led me nowhere. Don't be an idiot like me. :hsd:

    I wish women would realize a slap in the face and a straight "no" would be easier to handle.
     
  8. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    :werd: They think they're doing us a favor by giving some excuse but that just makes us dwell on it more.
     
  9. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    Yeah I agree. If they say no, i just accept it and move on. If they change their mind later and I'm not with anyone I'll give it a shot if I still feel like it, but I defintiely dont recommend you holding your breath and wait for her to come around. :hs:
     
  10. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    It looks like I'm just going to have to give it time and try to keep myself occupied so I don't dwell on it.

    Its hard though because I used to talk to her almost every day and sometimes for hours each day so now when I even see her online I have to keep myself from talking to her. Hopefully, she will start initiating conversation. Even though I should really just stay off AIM so I don't even think about it.
     
  11. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Then you're hip deep in the sheep dip like I am.
     
  12. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    It only sucsk for the first week or so. Then you make the adjustment and move on. Humans are adaptive by nature, so just stay active, busy, and dont let yourself dwell on it. Start working out, hanging out with other friends, etc.
     
  13. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    Thanks for the help and words of encouragement :cool:
     
  14. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    Dont get all emo on me :squint:






    :)
     
  15. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    So here we are a week later....this shit gets to me every once in awhile.

    I haven't really talked to her much since. Is this a good idea? I'm not avoiding her or anything, just not making an effort to talk to her every day. When I do talk to her I try to be happy and upbeat and friendly, nobody likes a depressing person.

    I think we've "talked" for a total of 5 minutes in the last week. Should I try to be more friendly and talk to her more?
     
  16. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    no, dont try to spend more time with her. do the opposite. just start acting like you dont care. if she calls, do small talk for about a minute, tell her she caught you at a bad time, and tell her you'll call her back. of course you dont call her.

    if she says she wants to hang out over the weekend, tell her you made plans already and can't break them.

    don't make it sound like you're being a bitter dick about it, but just that you've moved on and she isn't worthy of your time anymore. the second you realize how valuable your time and presence is, the sooner everyone else will realize this and the women will flock in herds.

    if you do this right, eventually she will crack and say something like, "why are you avoiding me?" "i want us to hang out like we used to" or the closer, "i really miss you, what's going on?" at thsi point you are back in control, so you just need to string her along for a few weeks and then it might work out.
     
  17. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    :mamoru:

    I think she's just as stubborn as I am though :noes: I'll keep trying though... :hs:

    I need to find something else to occupy my time better.
     
  18. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    dude you never know. i knew this girl and we went out on/off. she would kiss me and stuff like that but would never go any further. eventually i got annoyed with it and told her she needs to make up her mind and not string me along. she said she just wanted to stay friends. so i said ok and moved on. 2 weeks later she tells me she fucked up, etc. i dont know. its works sometimes, othertimes it doesnt. but for your sake, i would move on either way if you still care for her or not.
     
  19. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    yeah be careful.

    Sometimes the ladies like playing with you like that.... they say "lets be friends" then they do all kinds of weird shit that makes you think WTF? :rolleyes:

    I can see why it's often easier to just cut it off entirely rather then to play the friend game.
     
  20. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Yeah.

    Actually being friends -- REAL friends -- is something else (and very good!) but knowingly accepting friendzone status and having her cockbait you? Of course women do that. It gives a real feeling of power to have an adoring emotional slave.

    She doesn't even have to give it up for you, you willingly give up all your power...for what? For the privilege of being a tiny little mouse basking in her radiant presence? No woman is that great.

    And for those that are thinking right this second, "no, you're wrong, you don't know HER..." sadly that attitude is what's keeping you from actually having HER (or someone just like her) as your girl.

    Note that NOWHERE did I say it was right and/or necessary to disrespect a woman.
    I'm talking about respecting YOURSELF.

    Be a man. A man of power and integrity and charm. And she...will come to you.
     
  21. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    Well after not really talking to each other since the whole confrontation happened I told my friend Greg that I didn't really want to go camping next weekend since Amy would be there and we weren't even talking anymore. Just so happens I get an IM from her the next day. (I'm Dave btw) I know AIM conversations suck so I apologize for that.


    Now I'm not so sure how I should feel about her. I hadn't really been thinking about her much until this happened and now I'm rattled with questions. I'm wondering if right now I could even be just friends with her.
     
  22. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    I can see why it's often easier to just cut it off entirely rather then to play the friend game.[/QUOTE]

    Hey Toasty who always makes me smile--

    I have never been in a relationship where I have been the dumper or dumpee and wanted to be "friends". It just doesn't work. Lord knows I've tried...there always seems to be that "chasm" there...unsaid things, hope, attraction, yadda, yadda, yadda.

    On the other side of the coin, the complete "cut it off" (when a dumpee)...always left me with "what ifs".

    One goes through the tortures of the damned in a relationship at the best of times (my opinion).

    The best relationships I ever had was with my cats. At least they do not play the game of love like a chess game.

    Life is messy...relationships can be downright dirty. Ack.

    But I digress.

    It's been a tough day.
     
  23. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Sorry PuppyCat. You can always PM me anytime if you need to talk. :ughug:

    Duke: I don't know man...in that conversation I don't necessarily see her saying anything out of the ordinary. You chose to avoid her for your own personal reasons and it's natural that she should feel somewhat put off by that.

    If you want her to come to you, I think you're going about it the wrong way. If you're over her, then this avoidance technique is just creating a rift with someone who did nothing more then just offer to be your friend.

    I'm not perfect myself. I'm testing myself on this "friendzone" issue with someone of my own. I can say from time to time I'm either ok with it one minute, then conflicted in the next. As Johan had said in another post... we aren't friends yet. This is just an extended breakup.
     
  24. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    How else would I go about it?
     
  25. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Pretend like you didn't have a care in the world and gone to enjoy the camping trip -- with or without her.

    First of all, it's the dignified thing to do for yourself. Why let someone else dictate where you go? Are you go avoid her for the rest of your life? If it's uncomfortable for her...let HER avoid the camping trip.

    Second, it just shows her you're more then capable of being mature about it all and carrying on doing what you've always been doing.
     

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