SRS long long long read about my girl and general life problems

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by tetsuo, Apr 12, 2006.

  1. tetsuo

    tetsuo And shepherds we shall be...

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    tonight i just want it all to end; the only way i see out of the hell that my life has slowly become is death, but i'm too much of a pussy to actually do something about that. i've tried to end it on multiple occasions, i've sat with a loaded gun pointed at my head for a good 30 min and couldn't pull the trigger, i've sat with a knife tip pressed against my jugglar more times than i can count. i just don't know what do to, i don't know how to make the pain stop.

    i guess i'll back up and tell my story. grew up in a loving christain home, sent to a great private school. parents encouraged me to go to a private christain college as well, so i did. lived at home during college. so basically a very sheltered life. never really got into drugs or alcohol, never partied much. well fast forward to after college, i got a job at the college. started out just part time so i was still doing my assistant manager position at a retail store that i had worked at during college. moved out of my parents house, and got a taste of freedom. started drinking, not heavily, but quite a bit more than i probably should've.
    then i met my g/f. she hit on me one saturday night while i was at work at the retail store. we went out when i got off, went to a party. then we went back to my apt. she ended up spending the night, and we just made out the entire night. sun morning she said, shit, i'm goign to be late for church. which really suprised the hell out of me, since the night before she was talking about all the partying she did, and how she was supposed to sleep with some guy at the party, but she met me instead. i should've taken the hint that i'd found a slut then, but i didn't. we went out a couple more times and started having sex. well, 2 months later learned that birth control and condoms aren't always effective. so we had to tell our parents, and she moved in with me. i helped her out with whatever i could, i cooked and got stuff for her cause well, she was huge. i mean i basically did most of the stuff for her since she was pregnant. then the baby was born, or rather a c-section was done. now she couldn't get around too well either, so i still would help her out a lot.
    fast forward 19 months to now. i don't even hardly know where to begin. i'm still her servant, "because thats what a good boyfriend does." i have to run to get her a drink, or if she's hungry i have to cook. (not that i would really want to eat her cooking much, but it would be nice if she'd learn how to cook some basic stuff so i'm not always having to do it) oh and with the cooking, she's the most anal retentive picky eater i've ever met in my life. we eat about 4 meals other than going out, and i'm so fucking sick of the only two that we eat very often that i think i'm going to puke the next time i see spaghetti. i feel like she honestly is only with me because its easy, and she knows she has me under her control. every time i try to tell her no, she basically threatens to leave with our daughter. and unfortunately she knows that i would do anything to see my daughter. and to make matters worse she has an identical twin sister that is CONSTANTLY at my house (i say mine not ours because i'm the one that pays for it). and the twin sister treats me just about as bad as my g/f.
    i feel like i've been dangling by a fraying rope, and tonight after the fights we've had, i feel like the last string has popped. i have no more reason to live, i have no more reason to fight for this relationship. we started fighting because when i got home from work and the gym, she was complaining about how hungry she was, and she didn't want to eat anything that was in the house. she wanted me to cook something for her right away. well i told her that i was going to take a shower first, and while i was in the shower, she fell asleep with our daughter on the couch. i finish up dinner (hamburgers and fries, if it really matters) and am looking for the katsup. cant' find it so i wake her up "yelling at her" to ask her where it is, and she doesn't know. so i ask her sister if she used it, and she gets an attitude and says why are you accusing me of stealing your katsup. then my g/f won't get her ass off the couch to eat dinner and says, well i'll eat here, just bring it to me. so this pisses me off more than no katsup on my hamburger or fries. and i keep asking her if she could come eat with me. finally i get pissed and storm down to my computer in the basement. well about 10 min later she's up and sitting at the computer upstairs and she's watching the tv show i had for us to watch together. so this pissed me off worse. i go up there and we start yelling about it for a while. then my phone rings, and its my family's mechanic, whom i had to call about her car being broke down. she finds out its going to be cheaper for him to fix it by about half than the quote i also called and got from another place (notice who has to make all the phone calls about HER car breaking down). so she was in a better mood and we both kinda dropped it. temporarily. later we kept arguing about small things, i'm guessing because we were both still kinda mad, made the small things seem worse. just seemed to be one fight after another. then we kinda make up, aren't really mad at each other and go to bed. well, once we are in bed she asks me to lotion her feet, so i reply by asking her for sex. (long story short, ever since she was pregnant she has had ZERO desire to have sex, so she does it to keep me from bitching to much i guess) and she says, you only do things for me to get sex (which is somewhat true). so of course i had to just lotion her feet now to not seem like an asshole, so i did it. she gave me a lecture on how we have sex more than one of her friends, and i should be lucky to get to have sex that often (which is usually 3 times a week, as of now, its been 2 weeks since we've had sex at all). and basically she said, we can have sex if you'll take care of everything with my car tomorrow, including coming home when the tow truck guy is there, even though she has to sign the AAA paperwork and show her drivers license, and i had to agree to give her a 20 minute massage after sex. btw, in case you were wondering the sex sucks. i mean its better than none, but its get on get it over with sex. she even asks me to hurry if its taking long, and asks if i'm almost done. so i said that how is it that you don't want me to only do nice things for you to get sex, then you'll tell me that i have to agree to do these things or you wont' have sex with me. i told her that you making these deals like this is whats gotten me to expecting sex favors for other favors. then i got pissed and said some other things that i probably shouldn't have. and i was laying there in bed wishing i could die. and thats when i started writing this book. sitting here in the basement crying at 2 oclock in the morning, wishing i was dead, with no clue as to how to even think about going on with my shitty life.
    and i've tried time and time again to get my g/f to sit down and talk to me about the problems i have with the relationship to no avail. she sees nothing wrong with it so no reason to change it. i've tried to get her to see a relationship counsellor with me, but she says that i'm just depressed and need to see one on my own for that. and i know i'm depressed, how can you not be depressed when you feel like your life is slowly being drained by a self-centered bitch. honestly everything in this relationship has always been about her, and it makes me depressed to think that if i want to come home to my daughter everyday then i have to come home to her everyday.
    honestly, i guess i would love some advice because i have no idea what to do, but its kinda nice to just get this rant out of me. i know i need to work on not being such a hornball, but i don't know how to stop that either :hsd:
     
  2. darnit

    darnit New Member

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    just from your story, which is only half:
    Seek councilling for yourself, gotta take care of you first.
    talk to your parents after you get a firm hold on yourself.Ask them to be supportive no matter what you choose
    then..your not married, get a lawyer, get ready to move out, get her served, move out fast, go to court and get custody. And do this soon.
    In some states if you take care of a person for 2 years and they dont work.. you have to give them $$ till they get a job.
    Just from your story, she is a pysco lazy bitch, has found a pathetic free ride and your it!!
     
  3. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Depends on what state you're in. In Texas, where I am, the father is pretty much screwed when it comes to custody. I'm identifying your problem as wanting to get rid of the freeloading without losing your child (please correct me if I'm wrong). Got a few questions that will help with specifics:
    1, do you own or are you the sole name on the lease of your home?
    2, does she have a place where she can "escape"?

    It really sounds like she's just not interested in being married and only putting out the least effort she can to keep you doing stuff for her, and using your child as a bargaining chip. You need to either call her bluff or change the stakes. To provide appropriate advice, I need to determine the stakes.
     
  4. tetsuo

    tetsuo And shepherds we shall be...

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    i'm in kansas, which basically means unless i can prove her unfit to be a parent, she gets custody. as far as my parents, they've been hoping that i would dump her for a while now, like since they met her. as far as a place for her to move to, she would just wind up moving back home with her parents. and i know that this would be a horrible move for my daughter. she would be around my g/f's sister even more than she already is, and this would be a bad thing. and i know that she wants to be married, but she's said time and time again that until i buy a 1karat+ ring, she won't say yes if i ask her. she thinks she's such hot shit that she deserves nothing but the best and to be waited on hand and foot. and i guess thats the problem with trying to turn a whore into a housewife, because of all the guys she fucked or wanted to fuck her before she met me, she thinks that she's the hottest girl in the world. and her sister is even worse with this attitude.
    i rent a townhouse, and technically both of our names are on the papers. but at the same time, our lease was up 5 months ago and its just gone to a month-to-month basis. i could just notify the landlord in writing and move out at the end of any month i want without any consequences from him. as far as her not having a job, she does have one, well, 3 part time ones technically. none of them are actually legit jobs though, she gets paid in cash and doesn't report any of the income from any of them. hell, she makes enough that she just bought a new (to her) car and has a $400 a month car payment. i'm still not sure how she managed to get the loan, other than the loan officer at the bank she went to is a friend of her family's.
    i'm not 100% sure whether i want to leave her or not, and thats the problem. i know without a doubt that if it wasn't for our daughter, i'd be gone in a heartbeat. but my daughter is the only thing i have right now that really gives me a reason to live, and i can't bear the thought of only seeing her every other weekend. i guess what i really want is for both of us to get counselling or something to where we can work on making this relationship work. i know that would be the best thing for our daughter, i just don't know how to go about convincing her that things really need to change. we both are stubborn, which doens't really help. and she doesn't want anything to change, but i can't go on with it staying the same. so far everytime i try to sit down with her and talk about the things i want changed in the relationship, she just sits there and rolls her eyes and asks me when i'm going to be done bitching. she takes it as me just wanting to complain, or turns it into a you just want more sex argument (which i do, but i'd rather have a g/f that really loves me and really wants to be with me).

    i guess i just don't know what i want and until i figure that out, i'm just not sure what to do. i've been thinking a lot about moving a bunch of my stuff to the basement, and setting up another bedroom down there for me to try living down there. this is probably the option i'm going to wind up going with at least on a temporary trial basis. but this means that i'm going to have to find another place to move her sister's computer (its in my basement on another desk because every day she comes over to "work" for my g/f and the graphics business she runs).
     
  5. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Well if it were me, I'd kick the sister out. You think the girlfriend would follow her? Want to get sneaky and sabotage the computer or disable the internet feed?

    Next time she bitches at you for wanting sex, tell her that - that what you really want is a loving woman who wants the best for your family, but sex is the closest you can get to it.

    Counseling isn't really going to work if she's not into it. The problem, as I see it in this "type" of strained relationship, is that your priorities differ. She wants to get taken care of, you want your daughter and a companion. Unfortunately she has a monopoly on your daughter, while she can replace your care elsewhere. Should I venture a guess and assume that she doesn't really want to care for your child either, that the baby is just another chore to her?

    In my opinion, you identified your priority right. Your daughter is your overriding purpose for living and doing well. No matter what happens, no matter how you feel, you need to stay alive, stay viable, and keep trying, even if you have no other reason than for her. She may be too young to understand and appreciate it now, but she will know it later. I was in a similar situation myself, and while my mother ran around, fed my lies, and made my father's life miserable, I eventually figured out what was going on, and know my father was an incredible man. It may take twenty years for it all to come out, but absolutely nothing can replace a father who truly loves you.
     
  6. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Dude, she does have complete control over you, and she knows it. Anytime you try to something she doesn't like, in come the threats and you back down. She has no respect for you, no attraction for you, nothing. She even uses the child as leverage. I'll tell you what, the WORST thing you can do would be to raise the child in this environment.

    What you should do is start cataloguing EVERYTHING. Keep a diary with dates, times, bills you pay (and that she doesn't), etc. When she refuses to eat at the table after you cooked dinner, mark it down, "I cooked dinner for her today, she refused to eat with me at the table and demanded I bring it to her". Other stuff as well, "Tonight she used sex as a leverage to get me to do all of the work for her car so she can sit at home..." and so and and so on. Also document times and specifics on how the sister treats you, everything. When it comes time, and you've got a good history of her behavior, tell her that you are breaking things off. You can even offer to help out with the rent until she gets situated and tell her that you will pay for the child's well being, supplies, etc. This way, if she threatens you by using the child and saying that you cannot see her, get a lawyer and you have a documented history of her behavior to help ensure that you have your rights to see the child protected. Maybe even contact a lawyer or someone before hand to let them know what you plan to do, and that you want the best advice possible because you know how she will act.

    Seriously bro, it is obvious that this relationship WILL NOT WORK, and the worst thing you can do is raise the child in this scenario. Don't lose your temper anymore, just be cool, calm, collected, and think about the future before each action you make.

    Once this is all over, you will be fine, in fact you will be much happier.
     
  7. tetsuo

    tetsuo And shepherds we shall be...

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    thanks for that. i really needed to hear the part about my daughter. and my g/f does try to take care of her most of the time. sometimes she acts like she's a chore, but to be honest, sometimes it seems that way to me too.

    trust me, i've tried kicking the sister out. i've done everything but calling the cops and/or getting a restraining order. i just haven't wanted to take it that far yet. its not as bad now that she has a b/f because he gets home from work around 7 so she leaves at 630 to be at his house.

    i know counselling won't work unless she's willing to work through this, but honestly thats what i really want. i want her to realize that she's slowly squeezing the life out of me and i feel that before long i won't have any will to live. i just want her to change to be a more caring person, because right now the only person i think she really cares about is herself and maybe her sister and our daughter sometimes as long as it doesn't inconvience her too much.
     
  8. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Well it sounds like you have the knowledge, tools, and responsibility to take care of it. I think you're going to handle it as well as your girlfriend lets it be handled. Just remember, you're in the long haul for your daughter. You're going to hit bumps, but you're going to get past them too. If you need to talk it out, you know where to find us.
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    For your daughter, seperate from this woman. Do it as I mentioned above.
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Good couples complain to eachother, this way they inform eachother on what their specific needs and feelings are so they can stay in tune and appreciate eachother. If you feel something is wrong , you should listen to your inner voice because 'most likely' something is wrong.

    The maintanance of a relationship is a continues investment, it requires that love comes both ways in giving and taking.

    small arguments can lead to big break ups, remember only to put love and light into eachothers lives, did you go with her with the thought, 'im with her so she can make me unhappy' No of course not, so make eachothers lives happy instead of miserable. Stop pouring darkness and hatred into eachothers lives, make sure you want to be with a person, the looks are one thing, being on the same frequency with her inner self is another.

    This has been a 'VERY' expensive mistake that you have made in your life. I do think you need to be a man and stick up for your daughter, but i don't think you should stay with this woman. 3 losers here, you for ruining your life, your daughter who gets ruined by your egoistical behaviour, your woman because you are going to leave her for her godawfull behaviour.

    At least that last i assume, because you as well as i know that there's is no sustainable relationship for either both of you in the future, you need to fully understand the consequenses of your mistakes, and known now by you fully that your decisions create the reality that you live in. A relationship goes both ways, its about giving and receiving , not about leeching on eachother like both of you have been doing. You on her for having sex, and she on you for having everything served on a plate for herself. I believe everyone if possible has to stand on their own legs, she hasn't done a serious effort to do so, and has basically abused your willingness to help.

    There are 2 forms of help, one is where someone really needs your help in case of an emergency, and one is where someone abuses your help, and not an emergency, you have to distinguish this more vividly. I think what is most important that you say to yourself ' STOP, to here and no further. Drawing boundries will be very important for you. If possible you should try to get custody of your daughter, and get rid of your woman, this way you will take up your responsibility , and remove the evil out of your life.

    But it would be best if you somehow could make up with your woman, and stop putting darkness and hatred into eachothers lives. Your daughter will be a victim of your inadequate behaviour, i would push thru it just for her sake, if you don't think that's possible, then you will have to resort to more harsh measures.

    In any case DONT commit suicide, you have no idea how much this will hurt your daughter when she grows up, having to answer all the questions 'where is your daddy?' and having to answer something godawfull like that he hung himself' , i know daughters who's fathers did that, and they are absolutely devastated for the REST of their lives. What to do then? Find professional help, and try to fit in within the relationship, or bail out and get custody over your daughter.
     

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