SRS LONG gf story, need some advice or encouragement

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by niquesuave06, Jul 13, 2006.

  1. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    Here's a little background on us. . .

    First off, our relationship started off in probably the least socially acceptable way possible.

    She'd been dating my best friend for around 14 months and I had been dating her best friend (who she had set me up with) for around 6 months. We ended up breaking up with them in the same week and then hooking up just a couple days later. The three or four months before we started dating (and thus the last three or four months of our previous relationships) we were best friends. We spent more time with each other than with our SO's, we always had people ask if we were dating, and even people who knew (and were good friends with) all four of us would publicly say how we would make a better couple than who we were currently with.

    Let me clarify and say that we never cheated, we never even considered dating until we were both single. Honestly, the thought never crossed my mind beyond the point of "Wow, she's amazing. Too bad we couldn't ever be together. . ." I respected that and was trying to work things out with my (now ex) gf. But after we broke up with our respective SO's we both talked about it and realized that we should see what happens. We both knew we would end up regretting not finding out what could be between us.

    Things moved pretty fast with us, we really fell for each other and got pretty serious. We got 'promise rings', but not the way you would normally think of them. Our rings just meant that we were committed to each other but that we understood we were fighting an uphill battle based on where we are in life and where we are headed. Basically, no expectations but I really do love you right now.

    So it started out with us seeing each other 1-2 times a week, and then it moved to 3-4 times a week, and eventually we were seeing each other every day. We took the physical side of our relationship at a fairly slow pace. We both knew that rushing into the physical before we are comfortable with the emotional can really screw up a long term relationship.

    After we started having sex, things really changed. We became attached. We started losing who we were individually and became like a single unit. We didn't really notice that much because we were caught up in the moment, but we just came to realize it.

    My gf's mother really enjoys controlling my gf's life, and she is beyond the age where her mother should have this kind of influence. My gf is a very strong-willed person, but that doesn't change the fact the she always believes every word her mother tells her. Her mother told her recently that we were getting 'too attached' and that she was 'worried' about her. Also, she told my gf that her 'family misses her' and that our relationship has 'stolen who she is'. She pressured my gf to break up with me, but thankfully my gf decided to try and alter our relationship rather than end it.

    Now, we're 'starting over.' I think this sounds like a good idea. We're going on our 'new first date' when she returns from vacation, and we're taking it slow. There won't be anything physical before we would if we were in a completely new relationship. The rings are gone, but they may come back if we ever get to that point in a relationship again.

    I'm not so much afraid of losing my girlfriend as I am of losing my best friend. Do you all think the 'starting over' thing will work? Any tips for how we can get around the over-attachment stuff and have a healthy relationship? We aren't going to go on long, if at all, if things don't change.

    So I have 10 days to plan my counterattack. OT, help me!
     
  2. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I'm more concerned with how things will be when she comes back from vacation. That's when things usually get sour between a couple that is on hard times. Keep us updated on that, and then we'll see what's the best move.
     
  3. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

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    Just want some clarification - is her mother just generally very possessive, or is she more possessive against you in particular?
     
  4. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    I don't wanna be pessimistic, but I doubt "starting over" will work. Chances are things'll get physical again pretty quick. You guys are already comfortable with each other and obviously love each other. I think her mom's gotta butt out of it. And if anything maybe she should start to focus on her family as well as on you. I don't see why the point of starting over. Just balance time between family and friends/bf. It's just jealousy the mother's having because she feels like she's losing her daughter. Your gf needs to make it clear to her mother that she still loves her and they're still best freinds.
    My dad's the same way. Claims that I'm never home and always with my bf, that all I need is to move my bed over there. I just ignore! :dunno:
     
  5. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    Her mother is more possessive against me in particular, I'm really the first guy her daughter has gotten this close to. My gf became very close to her family when her dad cheated and her parents' marriage broke up, and now that she is finally trusting a guy and spending a good amount of her time with me, her mom hates it.

    My gf's mom is always right :rolleyes: . If my gf questioned her mother, there would be hell to pay.

    Her mom is also a huge hypocrite. She PREACHES about how her kids need to be independent yet she is an obvious golddigger and relies completely on her new husband financially.
     
  6. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Look, bottom line is that if a girl was "in love" with you then she wouldn't be ditching you because of what her mom says. She wouldn't let her mom interfere at all. If she does then she either is not "in love" with you or she isn't a good woman worthy of your love.
     
  7. bearsdidit

    bearsdidit OT Supporter

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    Make a point to have personal time.
     
  8. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    I normally agree with that, and I think she is the type of person that would typically not listen so much to what her mother says. Unfortunately, when her dad cheated on her mom she had no one else to turn to and her mom became her everything. She really hasn't let go of this completely and that is why she cares so much about what her mother thinks and that is also why her mother thinks she has the right to dictate how our relationship is going. :squint: Bitch.
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Bullshit dude. You're making excuses for her. If she was "in love" with you she wouldn't end it because of her mother's crying. If she was "in love" with you she would love you at least as much as her mother. Her mom is still going to be there for her if she stays with you and tells her to mind her business. However you won't be there (you shouldn't be there) if she ends it with you because of this petty crap. It's not equal. If she ends it, she doesn't love you, not like that. Bottom line.
     
  10. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    I agree, it is just hard to accept that things probably won't work out. I'm going to give it another chance and if things really don't get better then I'm outta here.

    The moment she went out of town I had some offers from some very good looking chicks that jumped on the opportunity. I just have to keep reminding myself that if we do break up I can get right back into the game.
     
  11. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    Oh, and just so you know, I'm not going to do anything with those chicks. Atleast not anything 'questionable'. I don't want to do any damage to my current relationship and I honestly don't want any girl other than the one I have right now. I'm very content with her if she can get her emotions and her mother straightened out.
     
  12. bearsdidit

    bearsdidit OT Supporter

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    The worst word to describe a relationship.
     
  13. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    I'm completely happy with everything we have going (except when her mom steps in, but that BS has to stop) and I'm really not looking for anything else in a relationship. aka content

    I didn't mean it to sound like I was settling for something, I actually found some things about her that I like and never knew existed.

    We have belching contests. She doesn't mind if I fart or scratch myself :mamoru: She bugged me for 6 months to get my sega genesis out of storage and hook it up so we could play sonic the hedgehog. Seriously, what more could a guy ask for?
     
  14. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    A girl who will tell her mom to mind her own business.
     
  15. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    :rofl: Yeah, that's kind of a given. If she can change that, which I think she can, things will be great.
     

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