SRS Long Distance Relationships

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by GraemePC, Nov 26, 2007.

  1. GraemePC

    GraemePC New Member

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    I am currently single and attending Arizona State University as a freshman. I do not really have a hard time meeting or talking to girls, but none of the girls I have met here really interest me. Sure there are a lot of attractive girls here, but I cannot say that I have met a single girl that I would consider having a relationship with.

    I recently went home to Texas for Thanksgiving break, and I had a really great time with all of my old friends. I really hit it off with this girl who I have known for probably 2 years now. She is really the coolest girl I have ever met. We get along great, but I have never been really close to her because she had a boyfriend who was one of my friends and he was pretty jealous. I think we have always had a little thing for each other, but we both respected their relationship. He really fucked up a few weeks ago and they broke up and now none of us talk to him anymore and he is moving away.

    Well this week we were flirting a lot and it was pretty obvious she was into me. I really like her a lot. She is smart, has a good sense of humor, is attractive and is just a cool person. I am a freshman in college, and she is a senior in high school. She will be going to college in Texas and I will be in Arizona. I am back at college now, but I go home in three weeks for a month. I really want to ask her out when I go back, but it will mean a long distance relationship for 8 months out of the year. I have seen several of my friends with long distance relationships end badly after only a few months.

    I know that if I do not act now, the opportunity will be gone forever. I have never been more sure about liking somebody, but I have also never been more sure about long distance relationships being a bad decision.

    I really don't know whether to ask her or not. It is really eating me up on the inside because I don't want to miss this chance, but I also don't want the relationship to end badly.

    Anybody have any advice?

    Cliffs-I will be in Arizona for 8 months out of the year, girl I really like will be in Texas, should I ask her out?
     
  2. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    You don't seem to understand what asking someone out is. Asking someone out means going on a date, not making her your gf. I see a few problems with your story here.

    First, why do you think the opportunity would be gone forever? Relationships don't work like that, there's no reason you can't be her bf later if you ever end up living by each other. And if she says it's now or never then she isn't worth dating anyway.

    Second, why do you need a relationship out of it? You aren't going to see her much anyway so what's the point? You can hook up when you are in the same town and still talk when you are away from each other without having to stay committed to each other. There's no point in having a LDR when you are that young. You should both be out living your lives and meeting new people and not desperately clinging to this little relationship that will probably not work out anyway. One of you will probably just end up cheating on the other anyways because that's how those relationships end up.

    Go home, hang out with her, hook up with her and have fun but don't get sucked into the silly idea of a LDR at such a young age. You can still act like you are in a relationship without the committment part of it.
     
  3. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    You might want to be careful with the ladies or men you get with down there. LOL. One of the highest STD rates in the country.
     
  4. The Militant

    The Militant THE FUTURE

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    I'm in a similar situation except I am the senior and she the freshman in college.

    I agree with a lot of the things midgetized says even though they are pretty harsh, the only reason I'm gonna work one is because it's not that extreme of a distance and we aren't going to go months on end without actually spending time together. Especially in college and her being a senior in highschool don't sell yourselves short on other opportunities and people because you want to make something unnecessary work while you are young.

    If you do think either of you want to attempt it for any reason don't base it on some thanksgiving meeting where you two had a good time with all your friends like back in high school. The girl I am with and I talked like friends online for over a month then hung out one night when she came back and realized we got along really good and then after like 3 or 4 dates a week later we decided to commit to eachother.
     
  5. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    this is unfortunately the truth
     
  6. SpectreMatrix

    SpectreMatrix New Member

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    I will warn you to not to invest too much into a situation where there is too much left for interpretation. You haven't been in an actual relationship yet. She may yet just piss you off or just not go for you at all. I am not saying to see if you are potentially compatible, just be very circumspect about the situation. And if there are major deal breakers, do not waste your time.
     
  7. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    life and reality is harsh :dunno: better for the guy to hear the truth than some watered down BS that isn't true
     
  8. GraemePC

    GraemePC New Member

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    I meant start an official relationship, I couldn't think of a better way to word it.

    I guess this is the paranoid part of me that I can't shake. I have waited too long to act or not acted at all and lost an opportunity too many times in my life. I want to start making the first move and not hesistating because it has cost me before. I understand what you are saying though and it makes sense, but I just don't have good luck in situations like these. I am afraid if I don't do anything now I will never have the chance again.

    I guess this is the same thing. I am afraid if I don't do anything then we will drift apart and I don't want that. I guess I just need to realize that she isn't going to run away and never come back just because she is not my GF.

    Thanks for helping me out. I don't want to make the same mistake I always make, but I think you are right in this case. Sometimes I just can't think straight about something and I just need someone to slap me upside the head and say "what the hell is wrong with you."
     
  9. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    people don't really do this the way they do it in high school. i think as you're both young and really need to be experiencing things outside your hometown, just keep in touch with her, keep it casual and hang out when you're together, but don't try to commit to anything. you'll be causing each other a lot of emotional pain from suspicion, jealousy, etc. there's always the summertime when you can really get to see how you'd be in a relationship, and if it works perfectly, then after college you can move closer together or something :dunno:
     
  10. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    You should definitely make a move and see what happens. Just don't think that because you kiss her or do anything else that that means she has to be your gf. It's not an all or nothing situation. People tend to forget that you can date someone without it being exclusive. Also you haven't said anything about her even wanting to be your gf so it might not even matter :dunno: She may just want to date you casually too. And if you guys are really meant to be together then things will work themselves out later on.

    No problem, if you ever need another smack upside the head then feel free to PM me, I'm good at that :mamoru:
     
  11. Sybill

    Sybill New Member

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    If you could tell that she was into you and you also really like her, then sure, ask her out. What do you have to lose? The worst that could happen is that after a couple of dates you guys don't work out. From what you wrote, I think you should definitely ask her out. Why not start e-mailing with her in the mean time on just a friendly basis and then taking it from there?
     

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