SRS Long distance relationships

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by davidle94, Aug 14, 2006.

  1. davidle94

    davidle94 New Member

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    Do they seriously work? Or am I just wasting my time and money?

    How far you may ask? Oh about 6 hours away.
     
  2. drake

    drake OT Supporter

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    I've seen one work, and it wasn't mine. The one that did with my friends had the following:

    1. trust
    2. very set/defined schedule of visiting
    3. money to make those visits happen
    4. a lot of time to spend on the phone with your SO
    5. a set date of one or both of you moving into the same city/house/apartment (depending on how you were raised/what you believe in)

    Parts 1 and 5 are very important. If there is no trust, one of both of you will get jealous. If you do not have a date or time frame of when you might be living closer it probably won't work. The relationship will most likely stagnate, and one or both of you will start to find weekend-only visits draining, busy all week, 12 hours of travel to spend a day and a half together. Both of you will have no time to meet new friends because you will be spending free time talking/chatting with each other, etc. unless you both have established friendships where you will both be going.

    The money adds up a lot. If you are working, you will find a way to budget it in. If you are in school, it really isn't worth the hassle. Both of you will change a lot from 18-22.
     
  3. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    I was in one for 6 months, and still am in the relationship (we live together now though; been together for a year and a half now).

    The relationship started off as a LDR ... we met on a 3rd Gen F-body site and after 3 months, drove 3 hours to come see me. I was about to turn 18, he was 19. Hit it off great. At first we didnt see each other for about 2-3 weeks at a time, but talked everyday whether it be on the phone or on IM. Then around the time of my senior prom, we saw each other every weekend for 4 weeks. I got quite a bit of graduation money and tax return money so we were both able to see each other every weekend after that. In July 2005 his family went on vacation to Maine and I stayed with him here.

    Originally we settled on December/January 2006 to see if I could move in with him, since we'd have been together for nearly a year and could show his family we were very serious about the relationship. Well during the time I stayed with him, we decided we wanted to see if it'd work out then and there. Since then, we've lived together quite happily and couldnt imagine it being any other way. I think I would have gone crazy waiting an extra 5-6 months after that.

    But its NOT as easy as it sounds. It takes A LOT of trust, more than if you're in a closer-distance relationship IMO. His ex-gf didnt want to get out of his life, which made it hard. But I had trust in him that he knew what was right and wrong. My mom would try and change my mind, say that I didnt know what was going on when I was in NC and he was in SC. But you have to have that trust or its really not worth the money or the mileage. The money does add up. I can only imagine how much combined we spent driving our gas-guzzling carb'd V8's back and forth 3 hours each way. But it was worth every cent to us.

    You both have to want it to work equally. If one doesnt put much effort in, it will fall apart. But if you both truly know what you want from the relationship, and have long term plans together (wanting to live together / get married / whatever), then there's a higher chance it'll work.

    Good luck with it :)
     
  4. davidle94

    davidle94 New Member

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    The trust thing isn't a problem, that's for sure. It's just the time, effort, and patience trying to make it work is my concern. There are times where I don't mind because 80% of my time I spend is working and school. The only time when I do have off is on the weekends and that's about it. I mostly focus on work and school and I guess that's just a side thing? We like each other and we're willing to make it work. (That was discussed in our convo) But am I better off finding a local girl around here or just trying it? Most of my friends tell me to just go for it since I have nothing to lose.
     
  5. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    If you think she is worth it go for it. If not, you may regret not taking the chance.
     
  6. LordOvenMitt

    LordOvenMitt New Member

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    LDR can definately work as long as both parties are committeed to making it work. Constant communication is very important. As well as trust and limited jealousy.

    LDR can be very, very rewarding. :)
     
  7. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    My good friend claims she loves LDRs. You get mind-blowing sex and attention on every visit, then you get the freedom and independance in between. In fact now she can't commit to the guy she's with because she doesn't want him to move in. :hsugh:
     
  8. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    To some extent, I think ldr's are more special just because every visit, every time you see your so is much more valuable. If you hang around your gf all day all the time you're bound to get tired. Each type has its drawbacks and benefits.
     
  9. Sandwich

    Sandwich OT Supporter

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    i was in one for about a year, and then she moved to my state for college, and then she moved into my house with me. i agree with what onslaught61 said..each visit is great because the time spent is so valuable you make the very best of it.. but there must be a whole lot of trust and she has to want it and love/like you as much as you do her...it's gotta be completed balanced.

    With myself, it was a 500 mile away relationship. i was in NJ, she was in Ohio. I drove there about once a month, sometimes twice in one month, and stayed the weekend. All while going to college myself, and working almost fulltime. We made the best of it, and she transfered to a college in NNJ aboout a year after we met. After dorming for 2 semesters(maybe 3 i forget) i was just finished buying a house and she moved in with me. There were some major incidents and bumps in the road in our relationship (search for my thread from last summer) but it wound up lasting for one more year after last summer until we broke up for good..and again you can look at my thread from last month on that story..lol.

    All in all it was a good experience, and a different one at that. It lasted for a total of 3 years and change. The whole long distance thing was enjoyable for me. I didnt mind the 8 hour road trip each month because I loved to drive and I had my music and getting there and being with the person each time is the greatest feeling.
     
  10. shiba

    shiba Active Member

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    Its when you actually have time to actually be together that the problems begin to flow.
     
  11. davidle94

    davidle94 New Member

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    Good feedback. So I guess it's all about you in the end?
     
  12. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    i'm in a 6-7hr. LDR, the worst part is the drive home on sundays after a visit. Those suck!
     
  13. davidle94

    davidle94 New Member

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    :hug:

    I know how that feeeeeeeeels, and it isn't fun.
     
  14. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    Im about 3 hours away from mine. I get to see mine only about once a month if that, just because of work and school schedules. My work takes an act of congress to get off for and my only day worth taking off for is saturday.
     
  15. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    Yes, that definitely was one of the shittiest parts. I hated Sundays :(
     
  16. kristin

    kristin my dog > *

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    I've been in one, and hated it. Would never do it again :dunno:
     
  17. iceburgslim

    iceburgslim Guest

    It can work if neither one of you have dating options.
     
  18. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    This is damn true!! I used to hate leaving on Sunday. But she was only an 1hr away.

    I think tho....i may be gettin into another one now and this girl is even further away from me, like 3hrs.

     
  19. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    If I start seein this girl that lives 3hrs from me, I prolly won't see her but once a month too.

     
  20. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    I have a suggestion for a long distance relationship.

    You pick up Vonage for $25/month.

    What you do is this, you pick up Vonage and select a home number in the city she lives in - a number that is local to her.

    Once you do that you can call her locally (Vonage is free nationwide long distance) and when she picks up the phone and calls you it is a local call for her.

    Bam.
    $25 a month and you have all the long distance chit/chat covered with her.

    Of course, I am making the assumption you have broadband.
     
  21. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    having webcams > that. when we both got webcams its 1000x better being able to see her while we talk than just talking alone.
     
  22. shiba

    shiba Active Member

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    unlimited nights and weekends ftw
     
  23. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    This is what I have!

     
  24. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Webcams would be awesome!

     
  25. B4 I FU R U 18

    B4 I FU R U 18 Active Member

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    all i will say on this is:

    DONT EVER do it.
     

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