I can't give you our entire backstory but to understand what is going on I need to explain a little... My girlfriend and I have been attached at the hip for 7 months. We fell straight into love and never looked back. We're eachother's best friend (I can safely say she is mine) and both call eachother "the one." We're so alike in terms of our personality and emotional development that it is scary. "Two peas in a pod." Sometimes that helps us, sometimes it hurts. But I truly believe that we relate to eachother in such a special way that it is something that I would never give up. We both became too dependent on eachother. Attached at the hip. My lack of emotional restraint and dicipline caused me to let my schoolwork slip to an irretrievable level. That was the thing I had going. GPA from 3.67 to 3.2 in a semester. That semester doesn't look good on paper. Anyway, I'm 20, girlfriend is 22. She was supposed to have graduated this past spring from college but due to all of her transfers and performance in college she has a few semesters left. I helped her a lot last semseter academically and she pulled her grades up significantly. She took a course this summer which she Aced and I really feel that I helped keep her in discipline mode and intrigued about the class. Well she was planning on starting the year out in school again but suddenly things changed a few weeks ago when her sister called her about an open-casting for ew a nsex and the city movie or something. Well my beautiful girlfriend is an aspiring actress. It is her "passion." She took some classes at a Film academy last summer and apparently was gonna make the move to the city but a boyfriend at the time and her doubts about making such a big transition held her back. Apparently I "give her the confidence to make this move and follow her dreams" because in the 3 weeks since her sister called and she went up to that first audition (and ended up staying in the city for 2 weeks when she had planned to stay for 2 days) she's dropped out of school, sublet her apartment, and is looking for aparentments in NYC. Her older sister lives in the city and has been helping her. I think its good for her to have her sister, but I blame her sister for pushing her into this without thinking. Her daddy can afford to cover her rent while she lives in new york "actressing and modeling." When she was up there last week she was told by the crew at hollister that she had a job working the register. She has no plans for taking acting classes at a school yet. To me it sounds like she's gonna be living a fucking party. I'm feeling so many emotions right now its unbelievable. I came to pick her up in the city after her 2-day trip turned into a two week stint. The day after we got back I'm taking her to the train station so she can be there this week to do some extras gig. I feel that after everything she's said about us and I, all the emotions, that it is wierd she can just take off and go live in the city. She claims that she wants this, wants to be together "forever" type of thing, and I do. I believe in this connection, its unlike one I've ever felt. I just can't imagine a long distance relationship like this for such a long duration after we've been so close. I don't want to spend my time with anyone else, and it is kind of unhealthy, however I want nothing more than to live and work together. I know this is probably best for us so that we can both get focused. I just feel that my focus is more "legitimate" but I sacrificed so much progress I had made when I let everything go jumping into this. It just hurts me in a way that she is ready, almost overnight, to leave me behind to go party in NYC. We're both jealous people and have wanted eachother to ourselves. The fact she's able to make such a big move with what seems like no problems kills me. But I know its that she's just distracted by everything, the crowd, the scene, the people. She's a fucking gorgeous girl surrounded by gorgeous girls and guys. I just really don't know about her self-control. But she promises she wants this more than anything and she is a very strong girl, I just worry worry worry maybe not even that she'll do something wrong, but she'll put herself in wrong situations unknowingly or just be next to the wrong person at the bar. I worry about her when she drinks a lot, etc. I guess I'm projecting because now I've got to get my school back on track, I feel all alone and I've let everything go for so long for this one person and this person has decided to move on. My sole focus will be on school and developing my resume so I can make a smooth transition to the city. I will be operating autonomously with a half-empty heart. She claims she doesn't have to worry because I've been doing it all - and I have. It's naturally hard for me to contain my emotions and this has been emotion overload. Ultimately I support her move and transition to the fullest because she is happy now where she is and what she is doing. It will also give me the opportunity to focus without distraction on doing my job. I feel bad mostly because I let my emotions turn the focus of the conversations down a negative path. She's the same way I just need to be the one who learns how to be above it. And I feel I was learning the more we were together. Now I feel like she's talking to me condescendingly from 400 miles away. I guess I'm also projecting jealousy over the fact that everything for comes easier in the sense that she's blessed with family money. I can't let myself and my projections create problems that aren't there and ruin something so good, but I'm so fucking messed up now. She tells me every second she wants this, that she will wait. She talks very maturely about this being best for both of us and that we can be apart for however long and make it work. She is in it now as much as she can be, I know that is true. I just dont want feelings to fade as we naturally become used to our separation. Again, I feel it will be easier for her to be distracted by new things, new groups of people, etc. and it is wrong to hold her back from that, I guess I just wish my life included all of that at this point too. I made a life altering move by neglecting school for her and that's a hard lesson learned, but I've put too much in, learned too much, and felt too much to let this go. I believe that this is the "one." I love this girl, and if things are meant to be, they will work out. I guess I just need school to start to get me focused. I have been very alone here in her empty apartment taking care of the dog. Fuck I'm just so lonely and depressed now. I haven't been as emotionally supportive about this as I should be, but I'm still so shocked about it all that its hard for me to say to her "yeah, do whatever!" without worrying or thinking about things. I just need to stay focused. I miss my girl.