Long distance relationship help

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Fachh, Nov 15, 2008.

  1. Fachh

    Fachh New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2006
    Messages:
    1,961
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC, Canada
    So i've been dating this girl for a little over a year now and she is graduating come december and I am staying here for another year or two.

    She is moving back home about 5hours away and I clueless as to what to do

    Back in September I thought I didn't want to get into a long distance relationship as I have had bad experiences with them before and in general don't enjoy staying in touch by talking on the phone a lot, being part of someones life but at the same time not being there physically at all seems real shitty to me

    Now that November has come and we've begun to talk about it and my emotions are getting involved I am not sure if I can just breakup with her because I don't wanna do long distance...

    There really is nothing wrong with the relationship so I feel stupid for not even trying a LDR but on the other hand I feel a year is too long to be in a LDR. Then again I also feel like if I break it off now I will regret it later since again there is nothing wrong with the relationship

    so OT

    what do you think?
     
  2. Fachh

    Fachh New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2006
    Messages:
    1,961
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC, Canada
    One thing that is making this really hard is when I was sick for a few months and had to take a break from school she was there to help me through it and get back on my feet

    argh
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    It always baffles me how many people stay in relationships because "he/she helped me through some really hard times!" as if you owe it to them to stay with them even if you're not happy.....

    Anyway, the point of the matter is if you really love her and you see yourselves moving forward in a serious matter you will just deal with the LDR. LDR's especially work when there is an end in sight, unfortunately you know yours is at least another year to 2 away. The question is-what do you see in this relationship? It's only been a year which is not horribly short or very long in the grand scheme of things. Do you want something more serious with her?
     
  4. snoodles

    snoodles New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2008
    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    ^^ second
     
  5. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
  6. Fachh

    Fachh New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2006
    Messages:
    1,961
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC, Canada
    The thing is she really wants to give LDR and try but I don't really want to
    but I feel like I owe it to the relationship to give it a try although personally I don't really want to

    It feels selfish if I don't?
     
  7. Fachh

    Fachh New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2006
    Messages:
    1,961
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC, Canada
    And I agree with you beer, there needs to be light at the end of the tunnel, for me there isn't really an end in sight from my perspective.
     
  8. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    It's not something you can half ass babe. If you don't want to then don't. But be straight with her.
     
  9. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2007
    Messages:
    1,346
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ/PA
    if you're not in it 100% its never going to work. take it from a person who's done long distance for the last 4 years. yes, it has the potential to work, especially since you've built on a solid base of being together. but no, it will not work if you don't put the effort in, both don't see the point in the end, and both don't want the same thing.

    never feel like you owe anyone anything, it will only get you into trouble and never keep you happy. unless its your parents and you're taking care of them in old age.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    :uh: No, you owe her the truth, you don't owe her the "shot" if you're not 100% in.

    It's more selfish of you to try the LDR all the while knowing you don't want to as opposed to breaking it off. Yes, it's wonderful she was there for you during a tough time but that's how it goes. Almost everyone in a decently long term relationship goes through an important moment during their SO's life.....doesn't mean they owe you more commitment. If it's not there it's not there.

    Hope you make the right decision because at this point I bet you a million dollars if you "tried" the LDR even convincing yourself you were into it it'd still end months later with you saying "yep, I just didn't want to do it."
     
  11. Pseudonym

    Pseudonym --

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2006
    Messages:
    2,406
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    I was in this same situation when both my girlfriend and I left for college. I stayed in Canada and she went to the US.

    I felt the exact same as you where I thought I owed it to her to try. I put A LOT of time thinking through this and decided it was best to break up.

    It has been hard knowing that I still wanted to be with her if we lived in the same City, but she wasn't. I'm really glad I made that decision.

    It seems like you are in the same emotional state as I was, so feel free to ask any questions on how I went about it.
     
  12. -=Likwid=-

    -=Likwid=-

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2001
    Messages:
    9,200
    Likes Received:
    0
    has a LDR ever worked? it seems like they all end in failure.
     
  13. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    11,134
    Likes Received:
    8
    No, an LDR has never worked anywhere in all the years of dating and distance.
     
  14. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    11,134
    Likes Received:
    8
    The option of her moving in with you is not on the table or what's the deal here?
     
  15. Fachh

    Fachh New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2006
    Messages:
    1,961
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC, Canada
    how did you?
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    :ugh: She's moving away, he has to stay for school.

    And moving in shouldn't even be an idea for a guy who doesn't even want to attempt an LDR.
     
  17. Striff

    Striff Gimme the chocolate OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2007
    Messages:
    33,685
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Encinitas / San Diego
    I am in the same sort of situation. My GF left to go to school 3 hours away and I stayed at home. I had been dating her for 2 years before she left and we loved each other more than anything.

    I agree that LDR can work if there is an end in sight....in that you know that it will end at some point.

    My GF and I decided that when I go off to school in June I am going to go to her school and live with her. We both want to live together and get married sometime after school so living toegher seems like the right thing to do.

    I don't know if I could have done a LDR without knowing when it was going to end. You just have to love the person enough.

    It all comes down to trust though.
     
  18. Fachh

    Fachh New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2006
    Messages:
    1,961
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC, Canada
    I actually have been living with her for about 3 months, was just a temporary thing but it is working out...living together that is
     
  19. Fachh

    Fachh New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2006
    Messages:
    1,961
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC, Canada
    only living together because of some circumstances that came up but its going well
     
  20. Pseudonym

    Pseudonym --

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2006
    Messages:
    2,406
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    It was stressing about how to do it, but it just kind of happened.

    It was the weekend before she was leaving and we were at here cottage. I was kind of having a shitty weekend just because I had this on my mind and I was quite stressed about it. I was still unsure about what I should do, what I should say, and how should I bring it up.

    I was out sitting on the dock thinking about this stuff and she came out and asked if I was okay. I told her not really, and then what was on my mind. It just all came out.

    We were both pretty upset because it was a great relationship. Over the next week before she left we talked a lot about it to try and clarify where I was coming from and what her feelings were about it.

    We still talked about it after she had moved and was having trouble settling in a new place.

    The biggest thing is to communicate your thoughts and feelings to her and try to help her understand.

    I could tell you what to say, but I think it would be best if you figured out your own reasons and tell her that (if you are leaning to breaking up).
     

Share This Page