SRS Long distance relationship. HELP!!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SovietRussia, Sep 18, 2005.

  1. SovietRussia

    SovietRussia What? You pooped in the refrigerator? OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    21,387
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    madison
    so i started seeing this girl that lives 1.5 hours away. we were basically just hanging out having fun. we would sleep in the same bed cuddling and such. so i was visiting her this past weekend, and we were talking about starting a relationship, but she basically told me she couldnt deal with the distance. i know she really likes me, and i do her, so short of moving down there...what can i do?:sadwavey:
     
  2. AmCo

    AmCo Haters goin' Hate

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2003
    Messages:
    5,744
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Earth
    nothing. you can still hang out with her alittle longer and then she might come around but don't hope for anything.
     
  3. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    790
    Likes Received:
    0
    I may not be the best person to give you advice because my relative distance meter is out of wack.... my last relationship with someone was far enough to be in another country. It makes 1.5 hours seem like a walk in the park.

    I will tell you what I've learned though. LD situations can be difficult unless both partners are equally committed to doing it. It also has to have equal ingredients for both sides to have high levels of trust and independance.

    She's fearful of what could happen once you take this relationship further. What she's afraid of is caring for you more, but being unable to have you next to her when she needs you. Those are valid concerns for her.

    Should you move? I think it's too early to do that. But you both need to talk about the implications of this and both equally understand what you can be getting into. LD relationships require a LOT of communication with each other...you have to both learn to enjoy the moment & the journey.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    1.5 hour is still do able if you ask me if you stay over for the weekends or something. As said she sounds afraid i would tell her that you wouldn't go any further into the relationship if she doesn't feel like it, whatever makes her feel comfortable.
     
  5. SovietRussia

    SovietRussia What? You pooped in the refrigerator? OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    21,387
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    madison
    yeah, its not like we are trying to even start a relationship anymore. she told me she didnt want to because of the distance. so i left it at that. but i wish there was a way to make her see we might be missing out on something great.
     
  6. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    790
    Likes Received:
    0
    yeah, if that's all it takes to stop her...she's just not that IN to you I'm sorry. It's better for you to know now before it gets really painful.
     
  7. SovietRussia

    SovietRussia What? You pooped in the refrigerator? OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    21,387
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    madison
    im pretty sure she is that "in" to me. :dunno: she was talking to me the other day, and she has some trust issues. which would make it difficult.
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I would try it for another 2 months, ask her again and if she still doesn't want to go into a relationship i would drop it. Meanwhile she might get over her fears if she gets a bit more time and you can enjoy her company. But again if she doesn't show any commitment i think that you two being together has come at a dead end.
     
  9. SovietRussia

    SovietRussia What? You pooped in the refrigerator? OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    21,387
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    madison
    but i should probably not contact her anytime soon right? let her come to me?
     
  10. MikeYOX

    MikeYOX May 2000 account: DELETED :(

    Joined:
    May 18, 2005
    Messages:
    2,839
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    West Boemfugk, Egypt
    1.5 hours??????? Are you kidding me? 1 and a half hours? 90 minutes? Long distance? :dunno:

    That's nothing that simple planning can't overcome. My current girlfriend lives an hour and 10 minutes away and we see eachother almost everyday.

    Sounds to me like she is making excuses. Thanks to traffic down here, it takes at least 45 minutes to get ANYWHERE, and it has never stopped me from dating girls from the other counties and cities.
     
  11. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    790
    Likes Received:
    0
    OK, it's not just me then :)

    Like you mentioned, the relationship hasn't progressed to the point there is any trust yet. She feels that proximity would allow her to check on you more often and vice versa, for you to be there for her at her beck and call. I detect insecurity and lack of trust.

    If she's not willing to go slow and let this develop, then move on before you invest too much of your heart into it.
     
  12. SovietRussia

    SovietRussia What? You pooped in the refrigerator? OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    21,387
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    madison
    i know she has insecurity and trust issues. which i am willing to work past. it doesnt seem like she is though. also, the part where you said, move on before you invest too much of your heart. one of the bad points is i get emotionally attached too quickly. not really sure why, but i have been thinking about her constantly. i jokingly sent her a text tonight saying, "so...have you been thinking about me all day or what? :)" i thought it was funny...she didnt text back. :hsd:
     
  13. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2000
    Messages:
    11,036
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    42.520686, -83.305014
    a universal truth. especially early on with a woman.

    Show interest. Do not allow yourself to feel, or show neediness/clingyness.

    it's hard to implement for some of us though :hs:
     
  14. Spirito

    Spirito New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2005
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    1.5 hour = 90 minutes away , i don't consider it as a long distance :rolleyes: , duh!
     
  15. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    Long distance typically means a relationship where you're unable to physically meet with the person REGULARLY because it would require extraordinary effort to do so.

    The actual distance is all relative. 90 mins could be a long way if you don't have a car, for instance, and you're say...14 years old.

    Sure you can take a bus once in a while, but I doubt you'll do this every day. Or even every 2nd day.

    For most people though, it means living in a different city, and checking in once a week, maybe every 2nd week.

    You get occasional mad sex, and all the good parts of the relationship, but you don't get to really experience and know the person -- the good AND the bad -- because you see each other so infrequently. Thus it takes much much longer to really find out if the person is deeply suitable for you.

    If you just want some casual sex, then go ahead, have several LD relationships going. But it's a poor way to screen for potential long-term mates.
     

Share This Page