SRS Long distance relationship(anonymous thread)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, May 20, 2009.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I am going to keep this brief for the sake of being brief. I have been dating this girl for about a year and a half now, and I really care about her so much. I do love her, and genuinely have strong feelings for her. We are both independent people in a great relatioship, going off to college next year, about 4 hours apart. We are open about our feelings, tell each other when we are annoyed etc., and keep it mature. We do not fight about immature things, and we always look out for each other.

    We both want to try the relationship long distance, and I was wondering if i could have any advice, as long as it is serious advice. I do not just want to end it as it is very important to both of us, and we both have become better people out if it. Thanks for any help you can give me, I appreciate it. You can even tell me if its a bad idea, ways to keep in touch, stuff like that, anything is good. We are not the clingy type at all thank God, and will both have fun in college. We trust each other, and I know I won't cheat, and neither will she (although none of you will believe me), because she is just not a wild or dishonest person at all.
     
  2. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    It's a bad idea. Keep in touch the way friends would but don't preclude yourself from forming new relationships while you're in college.
     
  3. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    even if neither of you cheats, most likely you'll grow apart and meet someone else
     
  4. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    4 hours is nothing.
     
  5. vizyn

    vizyn New Member

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    I know people who have made situations like this work, and those who haven't. In my personal opinion (and experience) its a bad idea - you're young and have so much to learn about yourself and where you want to go in life.. and I think meeting new people helps you along that path. There is no right answer to this - everyone and every relationship is different. I think it will become much easier to see what you need to do when you start school.
     
  6. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    i also know people who have made this situation work, but almost everyone i talk to who went through this says that they regret having been in a relationship through college.
     
  7. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    its going to suck and the only way it can work is if you both keep the lines of communication open and you trust each other the entire time.

    find a ritual you guys can do every day/couple days to stay connected (texting each other goodnight, emailing in the afternoon about your day, etc) but something that doesnt completely take you out of the college experience. its a new thing for both of you, so you want to make sure you each are able to go out, have fun, make friends, and enjoy being in college without feeling like you should be sitting at home waiting/hoping for your SO to call you.

    when my husband and i were long distance, we used to play a video game together when we couldnt see each other. totally nerdy, but it helped close the distance.
     
  8. k1ko

    k1ko OT Supporter

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    its possible. i also know of one couple that made it in a similar arrangement. However 95% ive noticed dont work out. College is just such a new experience, its hard to keep old ties.
     
  9. Apostle777

    Apostle777 Outlawed in the USA

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    This is my question btw, dont wanna bother with the whole anonymous thing anymore lol. I like this idea, and I am not dumb, if we feel it's better off to split then we will. We are no like dependent, we know how to live w/o eachother. So we will probably try something like this, and if it doesn't work, then it wasn't meant to be and we will break it off. The one thing we do NOT wanna do is stop each other from enjoying college
     
  10. uneek

    uneek OT Supporter

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    well from what I've seen you both need to be willing to make a strong commitment. i.e. driving to see her a few times a month & talking on the phone/IM pretty frequently. don't worry about 'not enjoying college'. if you want to work on your relationship, then recognize that the relationship is what you want, and foregoing other things is ok. it doesn't mean you're not enjoying college, so even if you're not doing what other people are, so what?

    you're going to continue to grow anyway, and college will be ancient memory. don't let 4 years define your life- if you let college dictate how your relationship will be, that's a big mistake imo. work on what you have that can be long term and lasting.
     
  11. HailStorm

    HailStorm OT Supporter

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    I started my relationship long distance and it worked. We were on the phone ever night for a few hours as well as random emails/ims during the day. As long as you can both be faithful it can work.
     
  12. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    You both will change a lot. I see people change so much when they start going to college. The ones that never drank but drink now. Never parties but now party every weekend.

    You and her are both going to be around people who are with g/f and b/fs and hooking up with people. It's going to be hard being around all of that when your g/f is so far away.

    4 hours seems like it's a couple hours away from being able to see each other weekend. IMO, unless you can see each other once a weekend or at least every other weekend it's going to be really tough to stay togethre.
     
  13. SPACECATAZ

    SPACECATAZ New Member

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    Don't do it man! I'm in your situation right now and sometimes I want out, but I won't leave for some reason.
     
  14. Apostle777

    Apostle777 Outlawed in the USA

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    Why don't you then
     
  15. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    good luck with your LDR that shit is rough
     
  16. WFUWaldo

    WFUWaldo New Member

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    I was in a long distance relationship my first two and a half years in college. It was very difficult, but looking back I would have made the same decision to stay together. We did a good job of having our separate lives so I missed out on very few opportunities while we were together. Eventually, though, we decided to break up due to circumstance. Three years later, we still remain very close friends.
     
  17. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    My SO and I were LD for the first 2.5 years of our relationship. He was 411 miles away. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't horrible either. We saw each other about every 6 weeks the first year, but more like once every 3 months the second year cause I was finishing my degree.

    We've been together for 6 years now and our relationship is amazing :big grin: I moved after I graduated and I'm about an hour away from him now- we spend the weekends together and sometimes a night or two during the week. :dunno:

    It's absolutely possible. You both just have to want to do it. You both have to commit. After that, it's easy.
     
  18. 17%

    17% New Member

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    if you're a guy, be prepared to abort.
     
  19. 17%

    17% New Member

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    oh, you are a guy.

    be prepared to abort.
     
  20. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    I agree with Lucky Penny. Its definitely possible. My fiance and I were long distance for 2.5 years, and we lived 9 hrs apart.
    My advice is keep communication open. We spoke almost everyday (maybe we are both just clingy). But be honest and open about what is going on in each of your lives. Also, a good cell phone plan between the two of us and Skype + a webcam made things easier. If you dont communicate often enough, you will drift apart, its human nature.
    As far as 'enjoying the college experience', you guys might want to sit down and define what that would mean for the two of you, you might have different ideas about what that experience is/should be.
     
  21. dmcgill

    dmcgill New Member

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    4 hours is not long distance. Seriously. That's not even hard. It's just different.
     
  22. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    You have to realize you both will change in college, especially you're first year. You're around different people, you're around different living circumstances, and you're really defining yourself all over again. As much as people don't believe they'll change, they will. Like someone said earlier, those people that didn't drink and didn't party will get into that culture because it's everywhere at college. It's what people will doing, and naturally, that person that hasn't done either will begin.

    Also, think of this. You're sitting home, wanting to talk to her, you call her, she's out partying. You don't talk, or you talk for a minute. You expect to talk to her that night, but you don't. That feeling sucks, and it's going to happen multiple times.

    We can't tell you what to do, but if you do go through with this LDR, don't have high expectations of the relationship. And don't let it hold you back in college.
     
  23. Chuckyhawk

    Chuckyhawk New Member

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    I'm a full 8 hours drive, 7 hours flight away from my fiancee.. it's hard, but we know and trust each other enough to get through
     

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