Loneliness is a bad advisor

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by purplebeast, Oct 28, 2005.

  1. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    3yrs ago I had a one night drunken stand with my GF’s sister, we’ll call her Stacy. With sobriety came sanity and we never did anything after that. A few months later Stacy got divorced and we hung out a few times. She ended up falling for some guy and shortly after she got remarried. Since, I have hung out with her a few times but nothing’s really happened. I recently saw her and she thinks we should start seeing each other. Apparently she is not happy in her new marriage.

    I’m sad to say that I’m considering it. I just miss being with a girl. I haven’t actively pursued anyone since the second quarter of 05. I want my next relationship to actually have a shot at going all the way. And to do that, I have some personal demons to defeat. I estimate I should be “fit” for a healthy relationship by mid next yr. And I know Stacy very well; she’ll get bored and move on in 3, 5 months tops. So basically it would be something to keep my company until I’m ready to date. Plus because of her job, school and husband, she wouldn’t take much of my time. We would probably meet once a week or so.


    My only problem is that this goes against everything I believe in. Not messing around with girls that are taken, having sex w/o caring about the person, etc. I've worked very hard to try and develop morals the past 2 yrs. It seems I was born without a conscience and its been a tough job to try and make myself do the “right thing” after many yrs of truly not caring about jacl. But the flesh is weak. Im confused:wtc:
     
  2. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I grew up with strict morals. It's overrated. In the end none of this matters.
     
  3. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    IMO you would regret it deeply.
    You KNOW you would be the cause of the breakup of her marriage. It doesn't matter if you think she's going to 'move on' and divorce him anyways. Maybe they have a shot right now. Do you really want to be responsible for that?
    I have to admit that my mouth dropped open when I read your post. This goes against everything I've ever seen you 'say'.
    Put yourself in 'stacys' husband's shoes. Would you want your wife cheating on you?
    think long and hard before acting on anything like this please.
     
  4. hezekiah

    hezekiah New Member

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    Sure it matters. There isn't a lot anyone can say.You have to work to make peace with your conscience.
     
  5. joedelt

    joedelt MSU > *.*

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    as a bit of an aside, from what you've described, it sounds like this woman is carying a lot of baggage herself. i'd think that might not be a good thing to associate to closely with if you're dealing with some of your own.
     
  6. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    I know. Thats why its so hard. it does goes agains everything I believe in. And I would not try to get anyone's girl. But I must say Im truly being tested when she is the one chasing me. And I dont know if she is going to divirce him. i meant to say that she is gonna get bored with me and move on. She did the same to her other husband. She would have a lover for a coupl eof months and then go out and explore what else is out there. And actually, her new husband is one of the lovers she had while she was married to her ex husband.

    I know I should say no. But its hard, very very hard.
     
  7. hezekiah

    hezekiah New Member

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    just keep thinking.if you mess up don't give up on your values just try to get back to your conscience.People get overwhelmed by circumstances sometimes,it just happens...
     
  8. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    If you can't do this without feeling guilty, don't.
     
  9. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    sounds like this girl is a hit an run. dont stoop to her level.


    how integrated into your circle of friends is she? if this got out, it could be bad advertising for you.... if you are just looking for temporary, and know she'lll move on in a matter of months give it a while and hook up when you are both single. it doesnt sound like the poppertunity will be leaving anytime soon.
     
  10. hezekiah

    hezekiah New Member

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    It'd be good if you really could just say no,I agree-butI just wanted to say you shouldnt feel like a mistake is irrevocable-some things cant be undone-but you need your conscience for the worst times.
     
  11. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    She is not at all in my circle of friends. I know her because I dated her sister for about 18 monhts. I have brought stacy arround my friends, but they have no comunication with her unless i bring her arround.

    And thats another issue. Im in good terms w/ her lil sister. And even tho I dont love her lil sister, I dont want to cause trouble bewteen them.

    I dont know. I got my female "fix" yesterday at a strip club so I should be strong enough for atleast a few more weeks. Altough I get very depressed during Xmas, so I dont know how I'll handle it then.
     
  12. darnit

    darnit New Member

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  13. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Go ahead. The problem is not what you think (your morality).
    I think the greater problem is in you letting go cleanly when you deem it's time.

    I think it'll be messy and you'll have (accidentally) let yourself get far far more attached than you intended.

    And in the end, it will be YOU that suffers. After it's over, it will take you another several months to get yourself "fit" (as you put it) for a healthy relationship.

    Ask yourself if you want a healthy relationship or if you want a fun fuck partner. The two lead in different directions for you, at this time (due to your loneliness and personal headspace).

    And by the way you write and conceptualize the situation/dilemna before you, I see that you're not a callous fuck'em and leave'em type, and you have a fairly good understanding of interpersonal dynamics.

    And therein lies the root cause of why this won't be easy for you.

    PS. But do it anyways. Just know what lies ahead.

    I'm leaving her so-called marriage out of this, because we're talking to you.

    If I was talking to her, I'd tell her NOT to do it. That'd be what's best for her.
    Not to mess around, and to get counselling, followed shortly by the inevitable divorce. But not to cheat. You're not the one cheating. For you, it's just a case of guilty, emotionally attached sex.
     
  14. SeaMack99

    SeaMack99 OT Supporter

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    No female is worth going against your morals, but then again with out risk there are no rewards. If it was me I wouldnt do it. Messing with marriages aint cool even if they are falling apart.
     

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