SRS living with my boyfriend

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JemmaX, Jan 29, 2007.

  1. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2007
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    0
    So Ive been dating my boyfriend for a while, things are great, we spend a lot of nights together mostly at my place and sometimes at his. In december right before he took me to meet his parents, we had a discussion about living together. I felt like I wasnt ready and he said he didnt really want to live with me right now, he just wanted to know it was an option. That didnt really make sense to me and the whole discussion was a little uncomfortable so we havent talked about it since.

    Well, the last couple weeks I have been thinking a lot about it. The things that I felt were holding me back (mentally) I havent really been struggling over. I feel peaceful about the idea of living with him and doing it in the next couple of months. I didnt know how to bring it up so I decided I would wait until the conversation came up naturally. figured it was bound to, right?

    So today, we are having a great day. We come back to my place and make love. in the middle of it I was overwhelmed with my desire to live with him and said "I want to live with you". He smiled and said "you're cute". then we finished. no other discussion. afterwards we laid there and I wanted to say something but I felt stupid, so I didnt. then he fell asleep. :(

    My question is, should I bring it up again? or should I just pretend it didnt happen? It feels like a blow to my ego that he didnt say anything about it. Maybe he didnt think I was serious and it was an impluse statement. I dont know. It wasnt the way I wanted it to go down, thats for sure.
     
  2. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Just bring it up. Tell him you have resolved your previous issues and would like to explore the possibility of living together. Get his feelings on it, and just absorb what he's saying, don't try and change his mind on the spot if he has reservations. By bringing it up you'll get him thinking about it at least.

    I'm a guy, we like direct and to the point. If you are too subtle chances are he won't pick up on it, we are pretty stupid when it comes to signals.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Bring it in the form of a question' so when are we going to move?' that will force him more or less to give an answer.
     
  4. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2007
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    0

    How can I be more direct than "I want to live with you"?

    I guess I need to set my ego aside and tell him how I am feeling now.
     
  5. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    7,356
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, MO
    Tell him when he isn't inside of you.
     
  6. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    I think it's more of an issue when you said it. You said it during sex, he probably didn't think you were serious.
     
  7. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2007
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    0
    So apparently he didnt even hear me. he does have a slight hearing loss (he is a drummer) hence the innane response from him initially. We talked about it, it opened the door for another conversation we had been needing to have about marriage and priorities. All in all, after getting over the confusion about my original statement, the talk went pretty good.

    And we also came up with a code phrase he will say when he didnt hear what I said :mamoru:
     
  8. 7960

    7960 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2004
    Messages:
    60,415
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    This thread defines women to a T :rofl:


    Is it "what'd you say?"
     
  9. 7960

    7960 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2004
    Messages:
    60,415
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?'' And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

    And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

    And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

    And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . .February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

    And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

    And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

    And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

    And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

    And Elaine is thinking: maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a Knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

    And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their......

    ''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.

    "What?'' says Roger, startled.

    ''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so......'' (She breaks down, sobbing.)

    ''What?'' says Roger.

    ''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''

    ''There's no horse?'' says Roger.

    ''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.

    ''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

    ''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says. (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

    ''Yes,'' he says.

    (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

    ''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.

    ''What way?'' says Roger.

    "That way about time,'' says Elaine.

    ''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.''

    (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

    ''Thank you, Roger,'' she says.

    ''Thank you,'' says Roger.

    Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

    The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

    Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: ''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''
     
  10. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    You know thats not the guys fault at all. Thats what happen to me. I am sitting there thinking everything is fine and I just want to have a good time. While the girl that lets emotion control her is thinking years down the road. Speaka english to me, its not that I don't care. Just don't pull that bullshit and blame me for everything.
     
  11. deviant

    deviant rest your trigger on my finger

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2005
    Messages:
    32,929
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    a town near you
    :bowdown:
     
  12. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2007
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    0
    but my name isnt elaine... :mamoru:
     
  13. deviant

    deviant rest your trigger on my finger

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2005
    Messages:
    32,929
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    a town near you

    yeah. but did you have a horse?:noes:
     
  14. FyreDaug

    FyreDaug lolswift

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2006
    Messages:
    23,228
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    wow, didnt read the whole thread, read the op though. so I will respond to that with this:

    BRING IT THE FUCK UP, communication is the heart of relationships. I wish my gf would realize that
     
  15. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    We could change the names in the story for you if you'd like :rofl:
     
  16. pocketkings

    pocketkings New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    197
    Likes Received:
    0
    is he or his parents religous at all? I know that can make a difference living together before marriage.
     
  17. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2007
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    0
    hes lived with girls in the past, thats not the issue. in fact, last month he was more ready for the idea then I was. Im always feeling like Im one step behind in our relationship, hes always ready for the next thing before i am. thank god he is a patient man.
     
  18. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    I bet things didn't go to well living with those other girls.
     
  19. pocketkings

    pocketkings New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    197
    Likes Received:
    0
    i would sit down and have a chat, and ask him flat out. tell him you are ready and wanting this and what are his feelings on the matter. Sounds like you have to be more direct.
     
  20. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2007
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    0
    well, hes not still living with them :hsugh:

    mostly this was when he was much younger. we are both in our thirties. he did live with a woman about two years ago, they got pregnant and moved in together. then she decided to abort the baby and go back with her loser druggie ex husband.

    so this IS a big thing to him. Neither of us are taking this lightly.

    we had quite the conversation about it the other day. short story: re-evaluate in a couple months :)
     

Share This Page