Living together

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by THT, Sep 21, 2005.

  1. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

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    I've been dating my girlfriend for over a year now. I have known her for over five years. We're very much in love and she's trying to get into a local medical school so we can live together. Neither of us wants to get married any time soon (four years or more) but we do want to see if we can live together. Anyone have any insights into what to watch for so I can head off any potential issues before they become problems?
     
  2. shlibar

    shlibar New Member

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    don't let her eat all the food
     
  3. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    I actually wrote my term paper for psy on the divorce rates of couples who cohabitate before marriage and those who donts. If i can dig it up, I'll pm it to you. Its kind of long tho, about 15 pages. But basically in a nut shell your odds of getting divirced increase by 20 something percent. And also, your odds of not getting married increase by 17 percent or so. There are a lot of factors that come into play as of why the odds are like they are. But there is too many of them to list. I'll try to find the paper.
     
  4. shlibar

    shlibar New Member

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    can you pm it to me as well plx?
     
  5. danison

    danison The Contrarian

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    Oh crap, PM me too please!
     
  6. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

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    I'd appreciate it if you'd send me that paper. I'm surprised that couples who lived together before getting married have a higher seperation rate and would be interested in reading more.
     
  7. Dax420

    Dax420 Guest

    wait, 20% greater chance of divorce if you live togeather first?

    I would have though it was the other way around....
     
  8. JaxFlJon

    JaxFlJon Guest

    My thoughts too...

    I lived with my g/f for about a year. Now we dont live with eachother but we're still 'goin out'. I dont think I would marry anybody without first living with them.

    Instead of getting a paper I'd rather check the facts. Lets google search!

    Divorce Myth 2: Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce the chances of eventually divorcing.

    Fact: Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have a considerably higher chance of eventually divorcing. The reasons for this are not well understood. In part, the type of people who are willing to cohabit may also be those who are more willing to divorce. There is some evidence that the act of cohabitation itself generates attitudes in people that are more conducive to divorce, for example the attitude that relationships are temporary and easily can be ended.


    http://health.discovery.com/centers/loverelationships/articles/divorce.html
     
  9. [DWI]

    [DWI] Master of Nothing

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    I'd like a look at this paper too. I've heard those numbers before, but I'd still like to see them in some sort of context and anylized.

    and it comes down to the "am I an individual or a statistic"
     
  10. islanderman7

    islanderman7 New Member

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    :ughwerd:

    so if you want to marry this girl, dont cohabit!
     
  11. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    CAnt seem to find the floppy disk and I know the back up got whiped out when I reformatted my computer. Dont get ur hopes up but I'll check work tomorrow. I seem to think I got a floppy disk with some school papers in my desk.

    But basically Jax hit it straight on. The main issue is that by living together as a BF/GF the institution of marriage is not taken as serious. By the time couples get legally married, they have already been married for all practical terms. Bank accounts, leases, etc, etc. So to an extent the couple does not feel any different. They acted the same before and after the actual marriage. So the marriage becomes just one more piece of legal paper, much like a mortage. So if at any time there are issues that ariase during the marriage. The couple is more likely to get divorced. Simply because the divorce is looked at more like a BF/GF breaking up. Rather than a husband and wife getting a divorce.

    And as far as the higher percentage of couples that do not get married. This is due to the fact that there is no urgent need to "close the deal" so to speak. Just in case I cant find the paper just do some research on your own. Look up terms like


    Divorce rates among cohabitators
    Divorce and living together
    Risks of cohabitation.

    There are literally hundreds of studies that concentrate in studying just that.

    But also there is a great debate like Jax pointed out. IS it cohabitation that causes
     
  12. kai-li

    kai-li New Member

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    Interesting. I don't really know. I guess I could see that if you got married before co-habitation then any problems that then came up, you would try to be on your best behaviour and just try to work things out.

    But really I don't think I could just jump into a marriage without really seeing how a person lives. I want to know before hand how they really handle their finances and messes and the chore divinding you know?

    I think that higher divorce rates are caused by people who don't think things through enough. I know I didn't and look at me now-- a divorcee in my mid-twenties.
     
  13. Coco Monkey

    Coco Monkey OT Supporter

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    i've always been told this from married men. Never go to bed angry at each other.


    if you two are going to live together, and love each other and even have hints of getting married in the future, i would suggest the same advice.
     
  14. Ninjarider

    Ninjarider New Member

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    The only thing that I noticed was that our appartment was decorated with nice pictures and flowers instead of beer banners and empty liquor bottles. Other than that (it obviously costs more to decorate) it's all good. We shortly thereafter bought a house (still nicely decorated) and got married. If you can communicate openly, it should still be cool for you to hang with friends and have your own space. I would never had married if we didn't live together first. My $0.02.
     
  15. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Just be ready to GIVE alot. Be ready to not get frustrated. Be ready to not worry so much. Be ready to do more than you have ever done. Be ready to bend over backwords to make it work. Be ready for anything...

    Living with a female you love is a great thing, but it also changes alot. You get to know each other on a WHOLE new level, which for some couples is great, and for others leads to complete distruction of thier relationship.

    Every person has thier own little way of doing things, its subcontious and you dont even think about it. Alot of those subcontious things are going to be changed, and alot of people dont do well with that.

    Statistics or not, living together before marriage is something everyone should do. There is way more that goes into divorce and relationships to even show a correlation between living together and divorce. So take the statics with a grain of salt. You in NO WAY POSSIBLE can know anywhere close to enough of about someone without living with them. There are just way to many little things that go on in a persons day to day life.


    And as with everything in a relationship...its all about open communication at ALL TIMES.
     
  16. RotiEatter

    RotiEatter New Member

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    I'd rather have my own place and her stay for weeks at a time than actually live together.
     
  17. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    You mean my racing banner and colection of bottles would be gone?:wtc:

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    I dont know about all that. I think that would be a deal breaker:nono:
     
  18. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Umm... purplebeast? I think there's one other thing that would be gone too. Your girl probably wouldn't like that you park your bike in the living room :rofl:
     
  19. trackstar400

    trackstar400 Active Member

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    I want to wait until marriage to move in with my girl. I think waiting would make the marriage a lot more special. And for all the ppl who say you wont really know her little habbits or what not.... i dont buy it. I mean when you've been with a person for that long (over a year), you've probably had countless sleepovers and that its pretty much the same thing. Me and my girl probably spend the night together like 1/2 the time, maybe a bit less.... but I feel like Id know exactly how she'd act if we lived together.
     
  20. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    :rofl::rofl::rofl: I was thinking that too!!


    And who knows, maybe she would ;)
    We have car parts/turbos as 'decoration' all over our house :mamoru:
     
  21. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    Unless I have a garage. My girl is more likely to get kicked out and sleeping on the street than me parking my bike outside.

    Even in my house I have an alarm on my bike. If you move it/sit on it, the alarm will go off and you will have a very pissed guy coming out of the next room with a shotgun in his hand.
     
  22. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    That would be great. Maybe she'll even ride. We could have a his and her parking in the living room:naughty:
     
  23. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

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    I disagree. Spending the night, even for weeks at a time, is not the same as living together. When you live with someone, you are bound to reveal things you've been hiding, consciously or unconsciously. We both feel this is a natural progression of our relationship and realize it will either make us better as a couple or end the relationship. We're going into this with our eyes wide open and know that there will be times when we get on one another's nerves. There will be times when my music will be too loud or her quirks will infringe on me, etc. It's about how we will deal with those idiosyncracies that will shape our relationship.

    Although we've dated for over a year and we've been friends for over five years, I feel as though I've only scratched the surface and that there's so much more to who she is. I think living with her and being forced to confront things about her I may not like will help me learn more about her and help me grow as a person.
     
  24. NeoPaladin

    NeoPaladin New Member

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    I lived with my now-wife before we got married for about a year and a half.

    The fact is that living with someone is like a stress-test for your relationship. For the first 3-6 months, you will drive each other absolutely crazy. Little tiny things that would never be an issue otherwise will all of a sudden become massive issues, no joke.

    In the end, it was well worth it for me. By the time I got married, I felt that I knew my wife perfectly, and sure enough, our relationship has stayed exactly the same. If you're happy with a person living with them and understand that nothing will change after marriage, then you know you've found the right one.
     
  25. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    :eek3: :cool:

    I saw pictures one time of a guy who parked he and his wife's twin corvettes in his den for winter storage.... about 6 feet from his pool table :rofl:
     

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