Living together 2 years, she seems to have lost all libido

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Osiris^, Jan 24, 2008.

  1. Osiris^

    Osiris^ Creepy as fuck son OT Supporter

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    Hello all,

    Just posting really to hear about everyone's thoughts and opinions on the situation, and whether any of you have had/are in a similar situation now.

    My girlfriend and I have been living together for nearly 2 years, and it appears as though she's lost all her sex drive. When we first got together we would be having sex several times a night and usually through the day. Now, obviously, I understand that this frantic sex would fizzle down slightly as both parties settle into the relationship. However, she never wants sex, ever. I think we've had sex once this year, maybe twice.

    Like the other night for example, she started kissing me in bed. I reciprocated, then after about 10 seconds she pulled away and formulated a random 'I don't want sex line'. In this case it was "I've got to be up for work in 7 hours". Then she cuddled in to me and went to sleep.

    She's perfectly fine with me otherwise, she always compliments our relationship. She's always loved up with me, always wanting to cuddle and things, but she just never wants sex.

    I'm 21 and she's 22; 23 in a month.

    I know I'm going to get told about communication, but I've done that before, plenty of times. When I have brought it up before her reasons were always turned on me. For example, last time I brought it up she claimed her reason for not wanting sex a lot was because I mentioned other girls too much...:squint: The only thing I say about girls is the far away, distant, celebrities on TV, and even then I hardly ever say it, because I know she doesn't like it. Besides, I do recall her saying - a few days ago when we were watching the music channels - "I bet the sex was so good with him", referring to old school Michael Jackson music videos. In my head I was thinking "how the fuck would you know anyway, you'd probably just wanna cuddle him all the damn time".

    This has been happening for over a year now, and on the occasions that I have brought it up, I've always ended up having sex within the next 2 nights. But, that's not good enough. I don't want to have sex only when I moan about not getting it, because then when we are having it, all I'm thinking is "Great, this is all an act, she isn't really in the mood, she's just doing it to shut me up". This is true, because we likely as not won't have it until I complain again.

    She's 22 years old for crying out loud, I can't understand why she doesn't want frequent sex. Maybe if not frequent, surely she must get the urge at least once a week or something. If the sex is crap and she finds it boring, then she knows she can tell me, and we'll work through it.

    I don't know what I'm asking really. I posted about this before, on a different forum, and everyone just jumped down the cheating route, saying she must be getting it from somewhere. And, to be honest, it is something that enters my head now and again. If a 22 year old, young, active female is never in the mood for sex with me, then who is she getting it from? Perhaps this is just the frustration talking, but you know.

    Anyway, what are you thoughts people?

    Cheers.

    PS: Geez, didn't realise it went on for so long lol. My bad:o
     
  2. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    she wants frequent sex, just not with you, in your bed, at the same time you do it every other night, pushing the same buttons you always do.


    go to the bar, and play the 'do you come here often' game and fuck her in the parking lot.
     
  3. Osiris^

    Osiris^ Creepy as fuck son OT Supporter

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    Well why doesn't she tell me that? What's so hard about sitting down and saying it? If she feels too awkward to come out and say it of her own accord, she has more than enough opportunity to say it when I've brought it up in the past.

    It's not me that wants it in the bed all the time either. On the rare occasions we do start getting frisky - like on the settee, on the rug downstairs, or something - she just takes me upstairs to our bed. Then when we do have sex, it's only ever the missionary position, because she refuses to do anything else. Why is the blame always at my feet over the sex issue? It's a two way street, and there's plenty she could do as well.

    I've said lots of times about wanting sex in our car, and she does the same thing she ALWAYS does; talks the talk, but never walks the walk. She's always fine to say "Yeah, that'd be cool", but if I did drive her out to some secluded place, I can bet my bottom dollar she wouldn't want to.
     
  4. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    the blame, burden, etc is at your feet because you're the one who has a problem with it. she's content.... why would she bother changing anything? it's not a priority for her, and doesnt bother her as such.
     
  5. Yahdude

    Yahdude New Member

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    how incredibly selfish is that train of thought? jesus.

    I've been in relationships with women just like this, all they care about is that they are happy/content and your sexual problems are your own.

    And now I've been on the other side of things, with women who aim to please and enjoy knowing they are one half of a good sex life.

    The comment about her refusing any position other than missionary just screams some kind of issue to me, has that always been the case?
     
  6. Osiris^

    Osiris^ Creepy as fuck son OT Supporter

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    Oh okay, I'll remember that the next time she has an issue with our relationship. I'll just be like "Sorry hunny, but it's your problem. I'm content with the situation, and it's not really a priority for me, so deal with it".
     
  7. Osiris^

    Osiris^ Creepy as fuck son OT Supporter

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    It's not that she never does anything else, it's just always a hassle. She never just jumps on top and takes over for a while. The sex is always a one-way thing in our relationship, from the initiation right through to the end.

    It does my head in.
     
  8. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Did she start or change birth control around the time this started happening? Do you know if she ever :clit:?

    If it's not a birth control problem then it sounds like she's just bored of you or the relationship. You've spent your dating around time trapped in one relationship so one of you was bound to get bored with it at some point. She may think she's happy with you but she's just not experienced enough to understand that the reason she doesn't want sex is because she's not happy. Or it could also be that you have just stopped acting sexual towards her in the same way that you used to. Has anything else changed in the relationship since this has been happening? Did one of you get fat or stop caring about your appearance?
     
  9. Yahdude

    Yahdude New Member

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    Answer those questions and you'll find the answer...awesome post. :bowdown:

    Women who don't [​IMG] are a scary deal.
     
  10. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    or they are on the wrong birth control, that shit will kill your sex drive
     
  11. Yahdude

    Yahdude New Member

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    Aye, I should have asked that in my post...sadly I've been victim to that first hand. Her libido wasn't the only thing to suffer....holy bat shit insane.
     
  12. Mangina

    Mangina New Member

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    If it's nothing wrong with her sex drive, she's just not into "you" sexually. It happens.
     
  13. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    any medications involved? (include birth control)
     
  14. themorrison

    themorrison New Member

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    living with someone and always seeing that person can make any realationship old a drab. you should try having sex in exciting places. In the car, in the park, in a janitors closet in some random building, an empty movie theater, etc..be original. you have to ignite something in her, spark her interest. If that does not work start fear of lossing her and act as if you wnat to move on. sex is 50% of a relationship, without it it dies.
    don't confuse love with complancency, I made that mistake a long time ago.
     
  15. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    lol.. note to those trying for a movie theatre: buy tickets seperately. when they see a couple go to an empty theatre they send someone in to take a lap every 20 minutes. :rofl:
     
  16. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    hope the usher is a hot female, invite her to join in?
     
  17. bluefox1081

    bluefox1081 New Member

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    You obviously know nothing about relationships.
    Sounds like she's already changed if they used to have sex and now she doesn't want to.
     
  18. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    What you need to do is just "TAKE HER", spice things up a little, sounds to me like nothing more than a case of severe 'complaisant comfort' a.k.a BOREDOM.

    Do you romance? Do you still take her out, or do interesting things together? Or have you gotten yourself into a routine that you feel 'comfortable' with, apparently, that routine is not working.

    Do you both hang out with your friends separately ?from each other, the time you spend together is it quality time? Meaning do you spend it With one another or just beside one another? There is a big difference.

    Sex is a SERIOUS issue, and by the way: If you're sex life is experiencing issues that only means one thing: so is your relationship. Apparently from you saying all else seems "fine" , just because she cuddles up to you, shows me that you have been neglecting and not very observant.

    Pick yourself up, get some hobbies, go out with your friends, be a man and romance your woman! Knock her fucking socks off....... Quit talking about it, and DO IT, take HER! she's yours.
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2008
  19. Tzuma

    Tzuma New Member

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    It sounds similar to what my fiance went thru. For her it was medication, including birth control. Her system is all kinds of fucked up, and finding the right birth control that keeps her sex drive and doesnt make her sick has been rough. She has also been on antidepressents in the past, which have seemingly magnified the non-sex feelings.

    Before anyone assumes the cheating route, at least anyone who isnt just posting to be an ass, we need more information as asked above. What medications is she on? Have you talked to her about her lack of a sex drive and what can be done to correct it? She can very easily have this conversation with her doctor if she is actually missing it, or worried about it for your relationship.

    Of course, if shes not willing to talk it out or seek out some professional help, then it may be the issue outlined already where shes simply comfortable with the way things are, with no care of your feelings.
     
  20. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Birth can control can generally be the culprit, however in truth and most of the time it only 'aids' in the lack of drive, most of it comes from our 'minds'
     
  21. ware_ru

    ware_ru I know, I know, I'm amazing

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    lack of attraction. you're probably not on your purpose, you give her too much compliance, you're not leading the relationship, you're needy, etc. etc. Sex once in a YEAR and you're still with her? Dude... that you're willing to put up with that is a MAJOR sign in her animal brain that says "wow. i'm dating a chode. i do not want his chodey ass genes inside me passed onto my child"

    it's not "romance" that you're missing. It's not that you're not showing her you like her. It's that she's not attracted to YOU. It's plain and simple attraction. you stopped acting pimp. Start acting like it again
     
  22. Osiris^

    Osiris^ Creepy as fuck son OT Supporter

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    Pardon my ignorance lol, but I'm going to assume that that picture means masturbating. If so, then yeah she used to, but only for a few months before she met me, then she stopped, because she didn't like doing it anymore.

    With regards to birth control, she is on it, and has been on it for as long as I've known her.

    Fair points I guess. I've had 3 relationships, she's had 5 relationships, so I guess neither of us are massively experienced.

    I'm not sure, really. I think I'm the same as I've always been. Obviously, I was more sexual towards her in the early days, but that was only because she was so much more reciprocal. She's so closed off these days, in that respect, that my sexual behaviour has maybe toned down very slightly, but not by much.

    I'm exactly the same appearance-wise as the day she first saw me, with the exception of my increased receeding hairline. However, when she met me I was already noticeably balding, and she knew the score, and isn't bothered by it. That's what she says anyway, and I'm not a mind-reader, so I'll take her word for it.

    She's about a stone (14lbs for the non-UKers) heavier, but she's so tall you barely notice it, and her weight gain was intentional. She viewed herself as too thin, decided to put on some weight, and is now much happier in her appearance.
     
  23. Osiris^

    Osiris^ Creepy as fuck son OT Supporter

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    I would, but - as I mentioned in the post above - she's just so closed off, she'd probably end up shooting me down, or whatever. Then again, I could try and see what happens:x:

    We regularly go to the cinema, to restaurants, we shop for clothes and things together, we even jump in the car together, put on some good tunes and just drive for the sake of driving. We definitely enjoy spending time in eachother's company. However, we are very friend-like. If I'm honest, a fly on the wall in our house could well mistake us for two friends living together, if you ignored the shared bed.

    She spends time with her friends from work, either clubbing or just spending a night at their house - usually where they do eachother's nails, watch films etc. This happens maybe once every 3 weeks. I spend time with my mates during university all day. I also travel home to see my family every 3 weeks or so, meaning that weekend is spent entirely apart. We also get a fair bit of time apart, as well as spending a lot of time together... if that makes any sense. This weekend, for example, we won't be spending it together, as she's out with her friend from work during the day on Saturday, and is spending the night at said friend's house. I'll be going to watch the football with her dad (he has season tickets to Manchester United). That's another thing, I usually go to watch the football every other week, so that's usually a full day not spent anywhere near each other.
     
  24. Osiris^

    Osiris^ Creepy as fuck son OT Supporter

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    I act exactly the same as I always have, and I'm not needy. I have friends and a life outside of my girlfriend, and she does too. I personally think we're pretty independent people.

    Edit: And it wasn't sex once in a year, I said "once this year", as in from the 1st January until today. Last year we probably averaged sex once a month.
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2008
  25. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    :hi5:
     

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