SRS Like, what if I REALLY want to just leave the country?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Skinny Pimp, Sep 29, 2008.

  1. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2001
    Messages:
    201,401
    Likes Received:
    242
    Location:
    Georgia
    Well, more like USA.

    I'm broke. Worst financial situation i've ever been in. I don't get along with my mom for the most part but I live with her and my step dad while in school which, barring me finding a better job soon, means i'll get done in Feb. of 09. I'm seeing a psychiatrist for the first time in my life on Tuesday.

    As i've posted in here before, I have anger management issues, they are up and down. When im broke I hate my life, when I have money im happy. Even then I have a short fuse, i've gotten in more fights than I ever wanted to get into.

    I feel like im depressed right now. Seems like nothing has an effect on me. Florida loses, whatever. My bank goes into negative this past weekend because I was lied to, I got pissed off for an hour and was back to whatever.

    I've seen people on here talk about leaving the country or whatever to start over and I got to thinking about it. I know someone that lives in Canada and said I could come and live with them. Is a female. :o I just figured, if I have the chance, i'll pack up, head to canada no matter how much people claim it sucks, an throw the peace sign to Atlanta and United States as a whole. New phone number, new country, new address, find new friends....start over. Right now i'm in a never ending battle working jobs I hate, being around people that lie to me non stop, friends I don't actually think care. I just want to hit the re-start button. I've also SERIOUSLY considered suicide the past 2 weeks. I have plenty of drugs at my disposal.

    So, OG is looking for advice. I think the most excited and happy I get right now, is when I think about leaving everyone and everything behind and starting over.

    BTW, Im in school for massage therapy, as I was originally planning on going to college but im in such debt I figure that may be out of the question. I can make money rather quickly anywhere knowing what I know and have been trained so it's not like it would take me long to make money no matter where I move IMHO.
     
  2. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2005
    Messages:
    97,795
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary, AB
    I'd finish school first.

    Secondly, will moving change your circumstances? I know your feeling, as I've felt this way before, back when my life was in shambles. The thing is, moving won't fix anything for you, and can likely increase your problems.

    You need to take an inventory of your life, figure out what's missing, and take steps to address them.

    One step at a time, ignore the rest which you can't do anything about, and before you know it things will be better.

    If you have major time sinks, such as WoW or whatnot, I highly recommend quitting them or at least suspending them until things are better.
     
  3. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2006
    Messages:
    4,994
    Likes Received:
    0
    Finish school and then move. Keep in mind that the things that plague you here probably will anywhere else (esp moving somewhere so similar to the US). But a change in scenery can help.
    Nothing puts my mind back on track better than getting out of this place for a bit.
     
  4. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2001
    Messages:
    201,401
    Likes Received:
    242
    Location:
    Georgia
    well its not like anything bogs me down.

    I work four 10 hour shifts a week monday through thursday.

    I have school at night from 7 to 10 tuesday to thursday and clinic 2 times a week on sunday in the afternoon.

    Maybe 2....3 times a week I will stay at my best friends apartment 20 minutes from here because we go out on the weekends and he doesnt drive, but his brother usually pays for all the alcohol, gas, or entry fee for me being the most sober of the bunch. I enjoy dancing and doing that sort of thing but now that looks rather dead because the club that I have been going to for a year has changed their DJ around and the music and its just gotten bad. Not many good clubs in Atlanta and im not really a bar guy.

    I play NCAA 2009 on XBox 360 maybe 2...3 days at the most...a week for 1,...MAYBE 2 hours a day.

    So it's not like im doing that a lot.

    I've taken my own anger management "course" multiple times. Each time I feel like im making large improvements but something will eventually happen that sends me back like 3 years. Right now I feel about as hateful as I did 4 years ago when i was near my worst. The only real difference is I can control my temper for the most part, unless you really tick me off. :o

    I've gone back and forth with myself for the last 2 years about if I want to stay in Atlanta or not. Don't like the traffic, don't like the amount of people moving here, don't care for the weather and the lack of rain that forces water shortage laws to go in effect. We have the most ridiculous laws on gas/oil that has forced the city into a state of mayhem right now because of the shortages in the city.

    Like I said, obviously my temper will follow me. But i'm a bluntly honest and straight forward person. There really isn't a person I would bite my tongue around at any given time, which hurts me, but at the same time, I really don't lie to people. But, I feel....or seem....to be a giant target for people to let off their utter bullshit to. I'm also a failure with women lately, 3 dates in a month, 3 failures. This was before my financial crisis this past weekend.

    So I just feel as if a complete scenery and state change would do me better. Make new friends, start over. It's hard to work on my anger management and temper right now because it seems like that is what everyone around my expects. If im being nice to people and im not being an asshole than people think something is wrong with me, I basically resort back to it all because its like thats what people expect out of me. I need new friends, people that expect me to be nice and NOT happy when im an asshole.
     
  5. 7960

    7960 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2004
    Messages:
    60,415
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    but since YOU are going then the problems YOU have are going to go with YOU.

    running isn't going to leave them behind.

    fix yourself before you do anything else.
     
  6. melanie

    melanie Linus > *

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2005
    Messages:
    5,265
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ATL
    so what did the psych say?
     
  7. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2001
    Messages:
    201,401
    Likes Received:
    242
    Location:
    Georgia
    shit i expected. it was actually a social worker, basically the same thing to me except she cant give the drugs i probably need.

    she made a good point, dont latch onto the money and live my entire life around it. but its hard when you're 3 weeks late on a car payment and its getting close to repo time, just lost a job, and dont have money for gas to go look for another job.

    i think when i do find a job, ill be alright. hopefully. i need to make a fake server related resume tonight :o

    and as far as me considering suicide last week, she had a interesting way of making me look at my life next time i think like that and her idea works....so far :o
     
  8. melanie

    melanie Linus > *

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2005
    Messages:
    5,265
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ATL
    :hug:

    good luck w/ everything :hs:
     
  9. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2001
    Messages:
    201,401
    Likes Received:
    242
    Location:
    Georgia
    ill need it :o
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I don't know why but i have this strange feeling you should try living in France for a while. The people over there are enjoyers of life, although still hard work needs to be done to get your life in order there, i feel you might be a lot more happy in Europe. But anyway for your anger issues i would try the second thought thing. When your first thought is, 'i wanna kill that person', you stop. And then put a second thought 'negativity leads to nowhere, so why should i get angry? Its useless' , basically the point is that you push the foot in a conditioned way on the brakes in your brain every time you have an anger attack and turn the right cheek instead of getting into a fight, you'll steer away from them, just walking away and don't want to get involved. That's a much better approuch then what you usually do, namely putting oil on the fire, making things rather more bad then good.

    Suicide is not a way how you deal in a mature way with problems. Asking for help as you did now is a better and mature way, anti-depressants are only symptom supressors, and not problem solvers. You want to deal with the root causes of your problems, otherwhise they just keep coming back. Simular counts for going abroad, although it is indeed true that a different location can mean different better/worse oppertunities. You have to understand that your troubles travel along with you, the reason: Its how you approuch things in life that matters. A succesfull approuch is constituated in its behaviour. If i give a smack into the face of a police officer, im bound to get kicked to the ground and arrested. If i cooperate, i will face a better convo and walk away. So its just a silly example to emphasize how one action createds a reaction that is unsuccesful, and in the second one a reaction that is succesful.

    Every action has consequenses, you have to make sure that you stay calm and reap positive consequenses for yourself always remember that.

    Next is that you shouldn't rely on people, what love will you think to receive from hugging thorn bushes? Especially when you are in a selfish enviroment, you'd better beware not to automatically accept everybody's ideas, because big chances are that they are only out there to forfill their own lives, not to seldom at the cost of walking over other people's dead bodies. Remember trust is something to be earned over time, don't give it all automatically, let them work for it.
     
  11. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2001
    Messages:
    201,401
    Likes Received:
    242
    Location:
    Georgia
    i dont give out trust easily. like i told the social worker, my problem is i have unrealistic expectations from everyone i meet. so im working on that.

    the problem im running into now, is this. i already have someone to stay with in canada. room and all.

    im in massage therapy school in georgia, i have until february when im planned to graduate.

    the issue is these hours are not transferable. even in the province id be staying in, they dont have massage regulations to practice privately, but soon, from my research, they will have a nationwide certification that requires 2000 hours. my training will net me 750 hours. but right now, it doesnt matter. and in georgia you have to renew every so often and so forth and so on.

    so a side of me says quit and head to canada now. which i cant do anyways because i dont have the money to even make the drive.

    the logical side of me says to stick it out, finish the school (if i can, im so financially fucked i havent made a payment in 3 months). that way if this doesnt work out in canada and i head back to atlanta i have something to fall on. then of course, as im extremely analytical, the other side of me says if i succeed and everythin between us goes well in canada, all that time i spent here at the school and waiting is useless.

    and until she told me i can stay with her, i could have moved to california and been happy. i guess i just have this mindset about 20 years of failure in georgia. when im on vacation, im happy. of course i am, its vacation. but its like, the minute i hit the georgia borderline heading back to atlanta, i get hateful again. i dont feel that way if im still in florida or tennessee, but once i hit georgia, angry. its like i know my life full of financial failure, bullshitting friends, etc...etc...is just waiting for me.

    its why i want a new place to start over. start clean. talking to her, seems to me i will like canada. right now, my 2 emergency room visits are owning me. my credit is bad. im sick a lot because i cant afford to get extended surgery and shit done on my to fix my sinus problems. in canada, health insurance is dirt ass cheap. cost of living is cheap. right now, it fits what i need and ive never had a problem adapting to new places. like i told her, i can stay at a friends house, i never complain. too noisy? i dont care. too dirty, ill clean the bitch up :o. my ability to open up to people and make friends is actually a lot easier than you might expect considering some of the threads ive made on here, just right now, ive closed that off because i know i wont be around for much longer. :o
     
  12. DadLife

    DadLife New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2003
    Messages:
    47,316
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga.
    what do YOU do for your friends that they dont do for you? you always complain about how everyone is fake and shit but is it really them being fake or BSing you or is it your unreasonable expectations??

    if you dont call ppl, go see them, talk with them...why would they do the same for you???

    i consider us friends but i only hear from you when you need something....but that does not bother me...bc well im here and if u wanna hang out you will call... i invite you over every so often you chose not to come over...so i :dunno: what to tell you man but moving is a temporary solution to a fucked up problem...

    i think by seeing someone is a step in the right direction... good luck and if u wanna talk give me a call...
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2008
  13. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2001
    Messages:
    201,401
    Likes Received:
    242
    Location:
    Georgia
    i call most of my friends when i want to hang out. not a big talker on the phone unless im drunk :o

    like saturday :hsugh:

    like with ATL crew, I hate driving some of the lengths i drive to hang out with people when all of ATL crew knows i have little money, but no one is willing to come to a meet ITP or closer to OUR area. Its always that kennessaw area. im willing to come to the next party you throw at your house regardless.

    and honestly man, ive wanted to move out of atlanta for the past 4 years like REALLY badly. it goes back and forth, but in reality, i considered moving to florida with some OTers back 4 or so years ago before i was financially fucked.

    seems to run in my family :o

    my mom was born in connecticut, ditched it right when she graduated high school, dad left the north when he got done with college, my step dad headed south with no idea of where he was going when he graduated college in ohio.

    they both feel like a scene chance is necassary. i havent talked to my dad about it yet because i dont want to talk to him abot it over the phone.

    i know im not going to run from my anger issues, that shit will follow me around regardless until i target in on killing as much of it as i can. i realize that 100%. i just want a fresh start. i cant afford my own place here in atlanta. i can't afford to split rent right now with anyone in atlanta. shit id struggle if i lived with 3 other people right now because of my debt building up.

    of course, my debt will follow me, but at the same time, im not going to have to pitch in on rent for a few months up north until i get my feet settled. cost of living is cheaper. their gas is cheaper (for now). i have a better oppurtunity up north to turn my financial situation around as well as work on my attitude away from a city ive disliked being in for as long as i can remember, but BIG time disliked for the past 4 years.

    I ask myself though, and im sure everyone does, outside of my family, who in the fuck would honestly miss me when i leave?

    my friend ray and his brother, i hear from neither of them for weeks until one of us wants to go to hole in the wall and then ill get a phone call. ill call ray every other week but the convo is short lived as shit. 2 minutes max it seems unless football is on. so ive gone back on texting him only because we dont talk much outside of football and females.

    all the people in the club that enjoy seeing my up on stage dancing, i know none of their names, they dont know mind. thats my fault, and theirs because neither of us have put the care into asking. so i dont cry over that, but it leads me back to wondering, if they never saw me again, would they realize i was gone?

    i say no, a lot. but once again, i think a lot of it is because i have unrealistic expectations of other people that i NEED to work on. It just seems difficult when i live with people ive wanted to move away from for a year in a city i dont like living in.
     
  14. DadLife

    DadLife New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2003
    Messages:
    47,316
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga.
    .
    NP man and i knew that what i said in the thread was kind of harsh but i was being honest with you just like i always have been with you.

    no we're not best friends but we are friends and if you need something or just want to chill i am here for you man.

    i got love for ya you ornery bastard. as for this weekend i will know by the end of the day whether or not im going to Alabama for my dads 50th birthday to take him fishing. i will address the post in the asylum when i get to work and have time.

    if i end up staying here this weekend ill watch the game with you amanda/ayden permitting. :)

    I am going to post this in the asylum bc i think it shows growth and some insight into your situation and i think the other posters in that sub forum could benefit from knowing what you said in this pm.

    :wavey:
     
  15. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    25,647
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    dca -> nyc -> sfo -> san -> phl
    seriously.

    a change of scenery isn't always bad but your problems will follow.
     

Share This Page