Seems like my life is always on hold. Sometimes I'm able to just bear it, but for the moment it's got me depressed. In the midst of growing up, making relationships, evolving ... I've found that addressing my personal issues and moving forward requires utter independence. Unfortunately my health isn't as conducive to that end as I'd like, but I'm as back on track in that area as I can hope to be ... for the time being. Waiting. No room to prepare for the next step until it comes. For now, I've broken off my engagement ... cancelled the wedding. Still sort of dating the 'fiance,' but trying to put a lot of space between. I'm staying at the house my dad plans to give me. My sis was given a house, so I get one as well ... as soon as he moves out. The waiting scenario goes way back to childhood. Mum is crazy, I wasn't allowed to socialize outside of school. Once school was no longer a factor, I went a bit wild ... ugh I'm just sick of waiting. It's something that'd get anybody down. I just fucking hate planning & not doing anything. That's all I've been doing my whole damn life & I'd rather be executing rather than forming strategies. It's never felt like I've been in charge of my own life. I'm 27 and I still haven't got my shit together. This just isn't good enough for me. If I can't get things in order I'm not interested in carrying on past 30.