SRS Life on hold

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by no lol today, Dec 3, 2009.

  1. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Seems like my life is always on hold. Sometimes I'm able to just bear it, but for the moment it's got me depressed.

    In the midst of growing up, making relationships, evolving ... I've found that addressing my personal issues and moving forward requires utter independence. Unfortunately my health isn't as conducive to that end as I'd like, but I'm as back on track in that area as I can hope to be ... for the time being.

    Waiting. No room to prepare for the next step until it comes. For now, I've broken off my engagement ... cancelled the wedding. Still sort of dating the 'fiance,' but trying to put a lot of space between. I'm staying at the house my dad plans to give me. My sis was given a house, so I get one as well ... as soon as he moves out.

    The waiting scenario goes way back to childhood. Mum is crazy, I wasn't allowed to socialize outside of school. Once school was no longer a factor, I went a bit wild ... ugh

    I'm just sick of waiting. It's something that'd get anybody down. I just fucking hate planning & not doing anything. That's all I've been doing my whole damn life & I'd rather be executing rather than forming strategies. It's never felt like I've been in charge of my own life. I'm 27 and I still haven't got my shit together. This just isn't good enough for me.

    If I can't get things in order I'm not interested in carrying on past 30.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Ah yes the "dreaded" cave syndrome, you can have all the plans in the world, but without the 'drive' to make them physically real your life will go nowhere. A get up n go attitude is essensial, a crazy mom will not enable you to form the discipline that is necessary to get things done.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mljMRRRb1vw&feature=rec-HM-fresh+div

    following mr.trumps advice will do you good. (don't put volume too loud its a bit abbrasive)
     
  3. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    What, precisely, does get up & go or thinking big do for you when all the key elements involved in moving forward are events spaced out over time?

    Sure, doing something else for the time being helps the time pass easily, but it doesn't actually do much for the meat & potatoes.

    I know I'm not powerless, but I've been behaving damn close to it for a long time now. Health & relationship situations have eroded much of the stubbornness and resolve I retained from my youth. I'm coming up on a great deal of opportunity that I'm eager to take advantage of, but it means biding my damn time and I'm sick of it. I'm having trouble holding onto my will to improve.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You might want to read books on enterpreneurship, so you can get your ass going into the right direction in your life.

    What also helps is 'stop thinking and start doing', you wake up , you don't think anything, you put on your shoes and do what you were planning to do.
    You see, the moment you 'start thinking' = the moment 'you stop doing',

    For some people 'thinking first and doing later' is best, but for people like you and me, we need to 'do first and think later', purely because we need to compensate for our lack of resolve.

    Also its hard to build up a momentum, you have to set a goal, and then work towards it everyday, while you must never give up. This is extremely hard for people who live day to day, but we must change our attitude and discipline.

    What worked for me was having bosses that were strict and disciplined and then just basically copying their behaviour while in your free time you press this discipline also into your life. But this is not an easy task.

    The thing is , you need to fill up your flaws in life. You know people have extreme weaknesses (myself included) , i couldn't stop playing computergames, then i got myself a SO who gets mad everytime i played so i managed to stop.

    You might need help from someone who's strong point is enterpreneurship and then learn from that person and apply that persons strenght into your own life. That more or less mends your own weaknesses.
     
  5. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    God damn it. That is NOT a mentality a narcoleptic can live by. I can't even read books and make coherent sense out of them any more because I end up unconscious too frequently. Hopefully the next round of meds will create some improvement so I can hopefully succeed a bit more at applying myself.

    THERE IS NO WAY TO FILL UP THIS FLAW (The problem is marginally treatable at best & isn't going to yield.) - with the exception of building a strong personal network of reliable friends. Have you tried this? It's difficult. I thankfully made considerable progress there. I already have a business model which utilizes each of our strengths and am ready to execute, however, the WAITING factor still applies. WAITING must occur. I am dissatisfied with this fact.

    BLARG
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You are your own worst enemy and you need to stop making excuses for yourself in order to get things going, being narcoleptic isn't an excuse for not doing any business. Create a product and sell it, even if you fall down you just crawl up from the floor to continue the business as usual. A die hard mentality is needed. From now on , everytime you think you must also walk and move your body and stick out your hands and produce something. You have to set that as a rule otherwhise you'll get nothing done. You need to be strict on yourself, or ask someone else to discipline you.
     
  7. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    :squint: I don't have my space to move the workshop into yet. The space is what I'm waiting for. I already, technically, HAVE the space. I'm simply waiting to take ownership. It is a process. There are hurdles. Waiting is infuriating. I want to get shit rolling NOW.

    WAITING MUST OCCUR. The narcolepsy isn't being used as an excuse. It's simply another matter that soaks up my time and pisses me off. Regardless of my attitude, it is going to render me ineffective in numerous situations. This is a fact. I attempted to operate in defiance of this fact for a long period of time and discovered that mode of thinking is actually quite dangerous. Not like ooo it's scary and I am cowering under the bed scary - like literally dying in a fire scary. Or drowning in a bathtub scary. Or falling down at the grocery store where nobody else knows what's wrong & they either think I'm drunk, on drugs, have epilepsy ... and try to revive me while I'm actually quite cognizant of what's going on but am simply incapacitated by sleep paralysis .... meh. I could elaborate endlessly. The thing is, I have to accept certain limitations or caps, if you will, to my energy expenditure or else I face consequences. The three I described are not far fetched in the least.

    Rather than be infuriated by all of that, I simply make goals and do what it takes to achieve them. This generally entails spacing them out so that sufficient recovery time is allotted for between periods where I am required to push myself and deplete my energy levels. Which creates ... periods of waiting. It entails much more than that, but I simply need to vent about the waiting part.
     
  8. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    :big grin: I finally have the house to move into with a garage to make into my workshop :big grin:

    So happy! I thought that it would be at least February before this was happening!

    Now all that I have to do is avoid screwing this up ...
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    That's wonderfull,

    You shouldn't live in fear of making mistakes as they form maturity in the individual,( however they also do damage :uh: so its always a good idea to avoid them as you can only take so and so much.)
     
  10. Qt_pie2

    Qt_pie2 New Member

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    Make life interesting.. Never get bored...

    Everything is in your hands & it is up to you as to how you turn your life...
     
  11. FLY-FAST

    FLY-FAST OT Supporter

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    I've also got epilepsy... Felt the same way you did for a while, but, doctors changed my meds around, and have been seizure free for like 3 years. If you'd like the name of the meds, feel free to drop me a PM. I'd be happy to help however I can.
     
  12. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    :( wish your meds would help me but I don't have epilepsy. What I have is more like a combo of epilepsy & parkinson's. Narcolepsy is sorta well known, but it's misinterpreted because of cataplexy (The tremor/seizure-like symptom.).

    I'm trying something new right now & trying to get on a prescription med again. I haven't been treating it for a long time in an effort to establish a better baseline through behavior/lifestyle modification. I think I've pretty much succeeded & now the only way up is if meds come through.

    Pretty upset right now as I've traveled to the east coast for a convention ... running into a worst case scenario. The tremors have had me on the verge of collapse and I haven't been able to take classes or move around much at all. Kinda been stuck in my hotel room all day. Hoping I can get it all contained & do as I please :/
     
  13. deadmeat

    deadmeat Active Member

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    GL on this.
     
  14. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Thanks, brotato :h5:
     
  15. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Damn...late to another thread but I just had to reply after reading the thread because WOW.....I can't imagine having to live with narcolepsy. The way you describe it can actually be quite scary. You sound like you're doing everything you can to overcome a very challenging and scary condition and I wish you the best of luck.

    Regarding waiting....yeah I feel ya on that. I can't think of too many other issues that are as challenging as knowing what you want to do but having to wait before you're able to do it. It often feels like the day will never get here because you're so excited and want to get started quickly.

    Hang tough and take care of you and don't let other's expectations make you feel bad about your own life. Fuck them. Some of us have to live lives that are different than what a lot of people consider normal. One of the things that really bugs me about the USA is that so many people are unwilling to accept people that are different.

    However, you sound like your doing the best with what you have and are trying to make a better life for yourself. I wish you all the best and I hope you will keep us updated as to how things play out. Don't be too hard on yourself.
     
  16. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Hangin' tough. :wiggle: Czech.

    I'm always too hard on myself :hsugh:

    And I always need to vent, so updates will be provided regardless of whether or not they're desired. :coolugh:
     
  17. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You should let us dudes handle that for ya. :naughty:
     
  18. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I know exactly what you mean. Also, I didn't know you were female until now. Not that it matters.
     

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