SRS Life is in shambles...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ToeZ, Apr 19, 2009.

  1. ToeZ

    ToeZ Go Spurs Go!

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    I am in a bad depression this week, I dont know that the problem is, or how to shake it... I got divorced in december, and it has gone back and forth, I hate her but yet from time to time I still fuck her... I miss my married life, I miss having someone to wake up to, go to sleep with, and to share my thoughts with... I have a "gf" of sorts I suppose, her and I got along great for a little while, had a lot of fun, but lately I just dont want anything to do with her, she was a serious relationship, and I dont know what I want. I am all alone most of the time, and it makes me sad / depressed. I dont have any friends, I have work friends, but we just tolerate each other, nothing where we would hang out outside of the office. I dont know what to do with my time to keep my mind off of how truly alone I am. I dont believe in the easy way out, but I really could care less about waking up in the morning, all I have to look forward to is another day of loneliness. I dont expect any responses, I just felt like putting this all out there.
     
  2. deleterious

    deleterious OT Supporter

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    keep your head up dude
    it is darkest before the dawning
     
  3. FunkyMunniez

    FunkyMunniez Active Member

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    sounds like you need to separate from your ex completely. im willing to bet every time you see her it just brings up all the past memories. its gonna be hard but you gotta try and push forward.

    keep your head up and push forward. dont stop. youre strong enough to make it through anything but the only way youll realize it is if you keep pushing onward.
     
  4. ToeZ

    ToeZ Go Spurs Go!

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    I still have to communicate with the ex from time to time, she is living in my house (im not) and I have it for sale, so when people view the house I have to make sure she has it available, I tried doing it all through the realtor but they keep messing things up and will only notify one of us....

    Yes seeing her does bring up the past, I dont love her, I hardly like her, there is no reason for me to miss her, I just miss what we had, she has 2 kids that I help raise for 11 years, and she helped to raise mine (who hates her) but her son loves me and calls me all the time. He moved in with his dad to be away from her because of all this.

    I just dont see my feeling the same way for anyone else as I did for her, I also feel that my time has passed, i'm almost 38 and everyone out there wants to meet someone 30 or younger... those that want to be with someone my age are usually in their 50's...

    I just dont know what to do, i'm lonley, and I thought I had gotten passed all of this months ago when I got my "gf" but i'm honestly not that into her, I told her that, but she keeps coming around...
     
  5. FunkyMunniez

    FunkyMunniez Active Member

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    If you're not that into your current gf, then break up with her and find someone who you will be into. Just like any relationship you should find someone you enjoy the company of.

    I wish I could help you out more bro but I can't honestly say I've ever been in a situation like that. Just keep your head up man. Things will always get better :hug:
     
  6. Ichinichi

    Ichinichi take dat blue pill

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    OP, understand and appreciate the difference between missing what you had and the person you had it with. The person, with respect to building a life together, is fungible because love is love and life is life. The issues you have are with the woman, not love or life itself.

    My advice is to tie up all the loose ends as objectively and quickly as possible before dwelling on the emotional wounds. Sell that house, stop fucking the woman, build up your pride and independence. There will be time for retrospection and introspection later, after its all over, after you have no legal/social ties to the woman; only then can you concentrate on your emotional and social recovery. Right now you are trying to juggle both the legal/social responsibilities as well as the emotional recovery and you are experiencing anxiety because you don't feel like you're getting any traction in either respect. PRIORITIZE. Get the real-world, tangible responsibilities out of the way first - sell that house, concentrate on work, focus on getting all your social and legal responsibilities wrapped up and tucked away first.
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Your are just going thru a vicious cycle of despair, the only thing you can do is to jump out of that cycle. Cutting her away from your life is the best thing to do, otherwhise your just repeating the misery over and over again, its more then hard to let go, but don't be tempted into going back into the circle , the repetition of bad things is bad for your health, just like doing drugs, you go into it knowing that its bad, but you still do it, the only thing that helps is stopping drugs completely and only live a life that is right for you.

    My advice : run away from her, start a life anew somewhere else far away from her.
     
  8. ToeZ

    ToeZ Go Spurs Go!

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    You are very correct, we have the house, her car, and her plastic surgery bill that is in both of our names... once that it taken care of, we will have no ties, and I will be able to walk away for ever, I know that but until then... I answer the phone... I did good this weekend, she called me 14 times and I didnt answer at all, I havent talked to her since wednesday... its nothing earth shattering, but it is a start, as much as I miss my life, I do not miss it iwth her, I just think it sucks that 10 years are over and they were all for not.
     
  9. ToeZ

    ToeZ Go Spurs Go!

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    I think running is the only thing I can do... I called in a few favors and I am trying to get a gig in Iraq for a year, the pay is good and I will be away from her for a year... its a start and hopefully we can both move in different directions during that time.
     
  10. 1.8t

    1.8t Member

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    Its just part of the depression man. Some days will be good and some will be bad. You have a lot of experiences tied to her and they will eventually fade to the point to where you can think about them and not feel the emotion that you feel right now. The quickest way to recovery is cutting her out of your life and knowing that many many people go through this every day and you aren't alone in this experience. I have had a rough past few months as well in breaking up with my g/f of 3yrs(she is a great girl, we are just at 2 different points in life), losing my job, and having a very expensive failure on my car. I just keep myself thinking of the now and the future instead of the past and focus on taking care of myself and it works very well. I recommend you take the same focus.
     
  11. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Iraq is not the place to go to if you are depressed, how about a smaller trip in which you go backpacking in europe?
     
  12. ToeZ

    ToeZ Go Spurs Go!

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    All I can think about is the future of my kid (14 from first wife, and I am the custodial parent) I want him to go to college and I will make enough money in 1 year to pay for any 4 year degree he wants...

    I have contemplated going even before I got divorced, so that isnt the only reason, but right now it just makes sense for me to go, I have nothing keeping me here, ya my kid, I know I know, but his mother lives here and so do my parents... I dunno, im just conflicted right now, I have an interview tomorrow and I will see what happens after that.
     
  13. ToeZ

    ToeZ Go Spurs Go!

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    Nothing ever seems to go my way, I deal with it, its just that this wont stop bugging me, I went through the bad part of this many many times, I thought it was all over, but damn, it keeps coming back, im not sad or anything, im just alone and i miss companionship. I did however get a gift card for 10 bux from Pei Wei cause my meal was missing carrots.... uh, I dont eat those anyways :)
     
  14. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    :bowdown: This is exactly what I wanted to say but worded way better.
     
  15. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I think people gave you some great advice, and I'm going to remove the final nail from your coffin so you can really begin taking deeper breaths.

    This is all grief, that's what it is. Emotionally, we can't "choose" how we'll consciously cope when something ends that we expected to turn out differently.

    The key to moving through Grief is to sometimes do nothing at first except feel the pain -- but then, as you do this, you'll naturally become willing and able to take the advice given in this thread -- which is really the standard advice we all need while hurting like this.

    Some of these steps will help the healing process, take the advice at a pace you can tolerate, and you'll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    Good job everyone, good input. I think we've all been in some similar situations. They're pretty painful -- changing, adapting, experiencing the anger, the depression, the blame, begging (sometimes it's just in our own heads -- but we all beg and wish that it didn't have to be the way it is, that it somehow could be worked out as we're going through it) -- then finally, we accept it. Then, the jaded feelings will fade and the good ones will begin to surface
     

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