Last week I woke up one morning in the ER having no idea why I was there or how I got there. I remember flashes of fighting off parametics, but nothing more. My wife, and then many doctors, relayed to me that I had a severe seizure. I handled the news pretty good, I mean, seizures happen and its even becomming epileptic can be dealt with and medicated, and a normal life can be had. I didnt look forward to taking medicine daily the rest of my life, but shit, its better then waking up in the hospital bruised and scratched up with a chewed up tongue and inner cheek. Well of course I have the routine CT scan, MRI, EEG's...even some other tests that seemed rather pointless. Nothing came back that showed anything significant, so I was released from the hospital and given an appt with a very well known neurologist in town. I was pretty upbeat from all that happened, and just looked forward to getting on with life. Flash forward to my appt with my neurologist. We are sitting there talking about things, and symptoms and I start talking about de ja vu, and other odd feelings I have been having for months. It turns out, what I thought was just weird feelings, may have actually been seizures. This wouldnt be so scary, except for the fact that I was having these feelings (or "aura's") daily, even multiple times a day. Retrospectively I should have gone in sooner, but I just thought I was going through a time in my life where I was having alot of dejavu and anxiety...life is crazy, so i didnt think much of it. I was put on an anti-seizure medication called keppra twice a day. In the time since my major seizure I have been taking the keppra as perscribed, and STILL having these aura's. My neurologist bumped me up to the max FDA allowed dose and I am STILL having constant aura's, and they seem to get more intense by the day. My neorologist is stumped, and luckily he isnt too ashamed to ask for help. He has refered me to one of the worlds top epileptologists, and for that I am grateful, but at the same time I am scared to death. There is nothing like sitting in front of a doctor, talking about my brain, and him telling me that he is honestly scared for me. He believes the problem lies withing my hyppocampus (sp?) in my temporal lobes, but is expexting the epileptologists to do alot more tests. The thing that scares me most is my brain is what makes me, me. The purpose of this post is certainly not to brag, but I finished up my FIRST college degree in math and computer science when I was 17. I am now in my mid 20's still continuing in school while working for a major computer science and banking firm. I also own my own technology consulting business. I am happily married, and you know what, ive had a damn good life that ive worked hard for. I dont look at the situation as unfair, because life in general is unfair sometimes. I understand things could be worse, but at the same time I dont like perplexing doctors with what is going on in my brain. Its just not a good feeling. Through it all, I have found that there are more people that care about me than I could ever imagine. People from around the country that I have known through life have rallied around me. Family has been more than amazing to myself and my wife (who I think needs uplifted even more than I do right now). I dont even know the point of this thread. I dont post in this forum. I guess I am just scared and I am looking to see what others have done in similiar situations to keep themselves cheerful. That is my main goal through all of this...stay upbeat...thats just who I am. I feel awful for my wife. She is going through law school and the stress this is causing her is just tearing her apart. She is by my side no matter what, and for that I am grateful. I always understood life could always change in a second, but I guess I never thought it would happen like this. They are already talking surgery, but want the epileptologist wants to do alot more testing before cracking things open (thank god, that scares me more than anything). I dont know if im looking for encouragement from strangers, information about epilepsy (especially temporal lobe epilepsy), or what? Id really like to talk to someone else with TLE, just to discuss my symptoms and see if its "normal" for a TLE patient, or if its beyond what other TLE patients go through. I dont know, comment, dont comment, do whatever. I think this post was more for myself than anything else. But if you take anything from this post, all I can say is to treasure every day. No, im not gonna die tomorrow. I may never die from any effects of this at all, but my life has certainly been changed forever. Life is precious, and while I dont fear death, I certainly have alot to live for, and times like this remind me even moreso.