SRS Life After Jail

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Dalmation20, Dec 27, 2007.

  1. Dalmation20

    Dalmation20 New Member

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    Got released a few weeks ago after doing 5 months for assault and can't seem to get a break. MY gf dumped me and i want her back but want to get things back to normal before I can do that.

    Where I live most people would know I've been in jail - the court case and the sentence was in the local paper. Just being out a few shitheads have made comments to me and I felt like giving them a thump but I know I can't.

    I went for an interview and they were going to give me the job but when they heard that I'd been in jail they changed their minds. I don't want to end up doing a crappy job but I just want to be earning some money. Do you think it's right that your past mistakes can be held against you?

    I'm living back at home and am having a hard time from my family who think I'm going to slack and end up in trouble again. I want 2008 to be better than 2007 but I just feel Iife is passing me by. Anybody any advice on what to do?
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Should've thought of that first. At least you learned your lesson.

    And according to most people who have been convicted of something, yeah, putting your life back together is hard and take time and patience.
     
  3. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    I'm sorry to say it but I do think it should be harder for people to an extent if they commit a crime and go to jail. This rewards the people who stay out of trouble.

    It's true that you serve your time so that should count for something. That's why I think felons should be allowed to vote again. But if you've hurt somebody before what proof can you give somebody that you won't do it again? The same amount of proof that somebody else can but the difference is you have a history of it.

    It's sad in many cases because the crime was assault. It doesn't have a detail of the situation. So they are just going to assume the worst.

    Best thing for you to do is to keep trying and be completely honest up front and let them know you've learned from your mistakes and maybe your situation can present some reasons to why you did what you did. And maybe those reasons are something an employer can relate too. That's your best bet there. It's different situation if you went out and beat somebody up because they smacked your mom around versus getting in a fight with somebody because they looked at you wrong.

    good luck.
     
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2007
  4. Asherman

    Asherman New Member

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    Its better not to dwell on what "ought to be", but to squarely face up to "what is".

    The facts of the matter are that you've had a troubled past that resulted in a felony conviction and imprisonment. Unless you had a really crappy lawyer, or your crime was especially notorious, you had many earlier run-ins with the law. You didn't listen and didn't learn. You've just completed a very harsh lesson, and will carry the stigma probably for the rest of your life. The world isn't going to change its prejudices about convicts.

    The real question is, have your attitudes, expectations, habits and behavior changed? To "make it" in the straight world for you will certainly be difficult. What can you do to build as good a life as possible, and stay out of jail? Surprisingly they are about the same things that every one else has to do.

    Learn a marketable skill and/or get a good education. No one is "entitled" to a great job with wonderful promotional opportunities and pay. If you have a skill that is in demand, you will find someone willing to take a chance on you. By taking and successfully completing a course of study demonstrates that you have some self-discipline and are patient enough not to expect instant gratification. You will be competing with others who aren't carrying the burden of a criminal record, so you have to be twice as good and work twice as hard just to get onto a "level" playing field. Improving your education, something that probably you didn't do in High School, will help you better understand social relationships and broaden your horizons.

    Getting a job is always hard, but you have to be prepared for being denied many entry level jobs. You might be tempted to lie, or conceal your past, but that would be a mistake. Be up front about your youthful mistakes, and emphasis you are no longer that person. Emphasize your skills and willingness to work the least desirable jobs until you prove your self. You need to build a reputation for honesty, hard work, loyalty, getting along with others, and above all the ability to do outstanding work. You build a foundation, and then after a few years you will find it easier to move to a better job elsewhere because you will have demonstrated your changed life.

    Save a portion of every paycheck, live quietly and modestly. Avoid hanging out with unemployed people whose lives are centered on partying and instant gratification. Keep regular hours, and cultivate self-reliance. Make friends with people around your own age who are working in your field. Find an older more experienced mentor(s) in your chosen career field, and learn from them. Don't expect rapid change, and try to learn from failures how you can do better in the future. Keep your head down and your eyes on the prize, which is a better life that doesn't include prisons.

    You will eventually meet, become friends with, and become attracted sexually to a someone. It will take time, be patient. They will know you from your behavior, your reputation and character. At the appropriate time, and that's probably early in the relationship, you need to share your past with your potential life-partner. If they can't handle it, be prepared to move on and wait for a person who can. Get married, have children and as time goes by and your criminal record recedes into your distant past, you will wake up one morning and find your life turned out pretty well after all.

    Good luck, just stay focused on rebuilding the foundations. Demonstrate to the world that your past is past, and that you are worthy of the confidence you are asking for.
     
  5. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    try moving out of state.
     
  6. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    :werd:
     
  7. daneeyah

    daneeyah Guest

    :bowdown:
     
  8. smartypants

    smartypants New Member

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    Talk to your PO
    Maybe he can refer you to job/mental health counseling.
     
  9. Maffy29

    Maffy29 Active Member

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    The military might be an option. A guy in my platoon in basic training had been in jail for stealing cars.
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Society is condemning, the whole once a criminal always a criminal really still is the general thought amongst the common people, but you need to give yourself a chance, and stay out of trouble so that your past stops haunting you. If i where you id head out to some place where nobody knows me, and most people will forget about your past , just keep a low profile when trying to get a job, make sure they don't find out about your past.
     
  11. Dalmation20

    Dalmation20 New Member

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    Hey thanks for all the advice - mostly made sense and gave me a lot to think about. I just want to put all the crap behind me and never end up back in jail again - I know alot do but I don't want to make a habit out of it if I can.

    Somebody suggested that to me but I wouldn't really be the army type - wouldn't be good at taking orders!!
     
  12. Asherman

    Asherman New Member

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    We all take orders, all the time. Customers "order" employees about, but the customer is "always right". Everyone has a Boss, and you can't be the Boss without giving orders. Sometimes those orders masquerade as suggestions, but only a fool will fail to follow such kindly direction. Orders are a necessary part of running any enterprise, they keep the organization on track toward the mutual goal and integrate the efforts of individuals who would otherwise go off in the wrong direction. We are following "orders" when we show up on time, punch in at the time clock, and "orders" define our jobs. Orders and hierarchies are the means of providing organizational discipline, and without them organizations would fall into chaos.

    Not even the entrepreneur can escape being ordered about. You can't deal with banks and lawyers without conforming to their requirements, and that's an order son. You can invent the ultimate mouse trap, but will die broke if you don't pay attention to the orders given by your potential customers in the market place.

    After a hard day's labor before you even get in the door, your significant other will be ordering you about with less mercy than any Sergeant Major. You might prefer sitting down with a cold beer to watch a football game on Television, but the boss will have you in suit and tie and out the door to spend a dismal night with her cousin Jane who just got into town. "Daddy!!", is the beginning of a command, and if you don't follow those orders you will have to deal with a pouting, perhaps crying little darling.

    You'll be sitting in the sun in your wheelchair, gumming a piece of bread from breakfast two hours earlier, and the Nurse will order you inside to take a handful of horse pills. Shucks, we usually have to use the coffin that someone else ordered for us.

    Get used to taking orders, dealing with orders, and even occasionally perverting orders. There's no escape. No way out.
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2007
  13. TiffanyTJB

    TiffanyTJB New Member

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    You may have to work at some crappy jobs at first, just to build your resume. Once you have a year or two of a steady job, the case will be long forgotten, you will have some decent work experience, and you will be able to get a better job. If the case had been quiet you would have that going for you, but since it was public you have to take the jobs you can get and just wait it out.
    Good luck!
     
  14. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    After reading some posts I have to agree military might be your best option at getting a better life. If you serve in the military and get a honorable discharge I think that most employers will look past your criminal record. They will respect what you did and realize you did get past it and turn a new leaf. Not only that but you will meet a lot of people that might be able to help you get a job after the military. Who knows? Maybe you'll get a job in the military and really enjoy it and make a career out of it.

    For the average person it can be hard to live a good life and if you have a criminal record it can be even tougher. I know you don't want to join because you don't like taking orders but I think you really need to consider it if you want a chance at a better life because to be honest. I think it's almost your only shot right now. Sure you could end up landing a decent job in a few years but what happens if you end up quitting that job or getting laid off later on? You'll still have that criminal record and employers may still hold it against you because all you did was get a job after prison. But with a military record they know you worked hard and likely learned discipline and found a new way of living.

    If I hired workers and I had 2 to choose from-one who had a felony record with regular jobs after jail time and the other with a felony record with a 4 year service in the military. I'd probably take the x military person if they both seemed the same in terms of a general inteview.
     
  15. Dalmation20

    Dalmation20 New Member

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    To be honest I have been thinking about the army and it seems like a good idea. I know what I said about taking orders but would probably get used to it if I went for it. I didn't think it would really be an option with my record but if they're being lenient with that at the moment maybe it's worth doing.

    How tough is basic training? I'm fit enough I think but smoke and drink a fair bit and don't really work out as such
     
  16. Asherman

    Asherman New Member

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    Stop drinking and smoking whether you go the military route or not. They are expensive and unhealthy habits that you can't afford. If you decide that the military might work for you, talk to an Army recruiter. Be up front about your past. Get the best deal you can in bonuses, and educational funding. You may be able to negotiate a MOS that will train you in a marketable skill. Most probably though with your background, you should expect infantry going in.

    Prior to reporting in for basic, get into good physical shape. Run, run, run. Work on upper body strength and be able to do large numbers of push ups. Show up for basic training with the cloths you're wearing, and your toilet kit. Keep your mouth shut, and blend into the crowd. They will stress you in everyway they can think of, but the idea is to build physical/inner strength so that in combat you will not break and endanger your unit. In basic you are stripped of your individuality and given in its place membership in a larger family of brothers. Its not a fun thing to go through, but it has a proven record for making men out of little boys.

    Start visiting the Barracks Forum on this site and ask questions of people already in service.
     

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