Letting someone down easy (i.e. rejecting them)

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Zoso, Dec 4, 2009.

  1. Zoso

    Zoso OT Supporter

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    Letting someone down easy (i.e. rejecting them) v. advice?

    Simply put, I was hanging out with a couple girls. One has taken a more serious turn toward exclusivity while the other has been traveling for work. Now #2 is back and wants to hang out, but I really shouldn't. I don't want to burn any bridges, and she's a friend of a friend, so I don't want her to hate me. Any advice for weaseling out of this? :hs:
     
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2009
  2. Cobra Commander

    Cobra Commander OT Supporter

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    If you just want to be fwb with her then just keep avoiding the subject. If she stops you one day and says "Look we need to talk about this.." tell her that you are not in the right mindset to be in a relationship.
     
  3. Rurikar

    Rurikar OT Supporter

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    She travels, so you simply say you met someone else and you think it might be serious. No need for anything big as that should be enough to keep everything safe.


    If you wanna keep her as a side project, lie.
     
  4. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Simple truth is she isn't around enough to gain enough attention. You found someone else. Just tell her the truth.
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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  6. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I could never do this to somebody.

    When I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, ending a year-long relationship with her, I finally admitted to myself that I never had actually loved her.

    When she demanded to know why we couldn't get back together, I told her that I never had actually loved her.

    Most people don't have the stomach to push through a horrible moment for a better future. They ask me when I tell that story why I didn't just lie to her. You know, to "spare her feelings."

    In general: I cannot make the judgment for other people that they are too weak to handle reality.
    Specifically: I didn't want this girl to think that that was what love was. But that is just an extension of the above, general truth.

    She and I are friends to this day.
     
  7. RuskeR

    RuskeR ReksuR

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    :bowdown:

    I'll have to agree that the truth is the way to go, but I've always struggled with this. I'm usually the one to try and "spare her feelings'. It's not right, but I get too caught up in the other persons feelings.

    Glad to hear you salvaged a good friendship out of the deal.
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Agreed.

    Obviously, I shouldn't have lied to her in the first place about loving her romantically. :nono: :o

    I do love her deeply... but not in that way.
     
  9. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I've always appreciated direct and honest myself. Sure it stings a little at first, but you get over it quickly and you appreciate the person for not leading you on.

    Just be honest with her dude. You can be honest without being mean or brutal.
     
  10. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Thanks. I must admit I enjoy reading your affirmations :o
     
  11. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Burn, baby, burn.
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Probably because you invalidated her by telling her you didn't love her.

    She's pining for you in secret, hence maintaining a "friendship" which is as close as she will ever get to you loving her (and therefore validating her).

    :mamoru:
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    If so, that's her call to make. Obviously that was the case for some time after the break-up. Things evolve though.
     

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