SRS Letter to my mom

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Mugwump, Jul 26, 2005.

  1. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    I'm mailing this to you per your comment about Larry two weeks ago. This is so both of you can read it at the same time. In this letter you'll read how much money I need, what I need it for, how I plan to pay you back and backup plans.

    I need $250 by August 15th to cover my health insurance. I have enough for everything else that's do prior to this (rent and credit card). On the 5th I will be flat broke. I may need more money by the 30th, depending on how this new job goes. I'm still stuck in training, and I don't know how much I'm going to make off training hours, as opposed to my regular commission-based salary afterwards, which will start out as part-time.

    I know that I am taking a risk with this job during a time when I need money now. I'm taking this risk based on what I went to school for, how this job lends to that major and how much money I could potentially make off it (at least double what I was making before). One of the other full-time designers there makes almost 8,000 a month. That is about quadruple what I've been making in the past.

    I plan to pay you back on a $50 to $100 a month basis, that wouldn't start for a couple months.

    With risk comes failure, and I do have a backup plan: I called my temp agency, worked out any discrepencies that were getting in the way of finding work last month and now have a contact there who will find me a job as soon as I reactivate. She is also the branch supervisor and oversees the entire department, which will be helpful. Note that I temporarily deactivated my temp profile to wait for this new job and to see what kind of hours I'll have available for training and designing. Again, I'm starting at part-time, and I don't know how many commissions that will be. I do know that I can live comfortably off 4 to 5 commissions a week, which would be like 2 days of 2 visits. That's nothing close to a 40 hour week, and I hope I can at least have this.

    You hurt me real bad two weeks ago, mom. I never expected to see myself as the guy who only shows up when he needs money. I would never ask to join you and Larry for dinner just to get money, and your assumption of that hurts me whenever I think about it. The shred of dignity I have left, which is little-to-none based on on two weeks ago and what you said to me last November on your surprise birthday, makes me not want to show my face around you two anymore. I feel like a weakened failure. Sometimes I don't think I can take this anymore. And here's why...

    I thought of my old job at OL today. I thought about how little money I was making there. Did you know I would not be able to live on my own with how much that place was paying me? I worked out the numbers, and even at 40 hours a week, I would not be able to afford this (FYI, my friend in the Shakopee suburbs pays the same rent that I do, so it's not my location), and I could still be at OL too, waiting for the layoff like everyone else. That job was a struggle to get. Everything was a struggle, but it truly saddens me that a place as low on the totum pole as OL would've been as stressful as it was. I could never go back to making pennies like that a week. I have not had one good night's sleep since moving here. I'm honestly afraid that I will go indebt and be out on the street.

    Last year I took a chance and was able to score a job that paid more and afforded me to move out. Now I'm taking another chance on a job that is even better. Please stand behind me on this. If you don't, I will fail. Not because I'm struggling with goals, but because my self-esteem is floundering.

    Your son,
    Jeff
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 3, 2005
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Well it's manipulative, but if you really want that money, don't open with the pitch.
    Open with some HONEST feelings about your mom. You do care about her, right? More than just a living bank machine to you?

    Tell her that. Soften the target, and then hit her up for the money.
    And don't just flatly state that you need money. Ask nicely.
     
  3. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    She's going to give me the money. I gave her a heads up two weeks ago that I was gonna need money. There's a lot more to it then just this letter. Normally I wouldn't write her a letter; I would just call her, but last week was horrible.

    Our relationship is rocky.

     
  4. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    You really hate your mom don't you? Eh, I resent my parents too. I can't help it. They're the only people in my life that I can't seem to forgive. Do you have any posessions that you could possibly sell?
     
  5. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    She's moody, immature, controlling, manipulative and sarcastic. All the traits that make for a great mom. :hug:
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Love + helping people > money issues.

    Really i would invest so much more love and give yourself totally into helping your mom out.
     
  7. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    The tension between us has never been based on money issues.
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    no it has always been based upon you two putting darkness and hatred into eachothers lives, im just saying if despite all of that you go against the river current and put love and light for the rest of your life into your mothers life it would be far more fruitfull if there was love for one and another. You have to see, you have to seed before you can harvest. And you have to lavish your mother with love and other people in order to try to produce a loving relationship between the two of you.
     
  9. Porquechop

    Porquechop New Member

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    This is so damned wise, and works in many areas of life. Thank you for this post.:)
     
  10. tris

    tris New Member

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    Personally, I didn't think that made a lick of sense.
     
  11. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    :werd:

    :run:
     
  12. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    Wrote it and sent it today. We'll see what happens.
     
  13. AQT4u2NV

    AQT4u2NV Guest

    Good luck, hope it all works out :hug:
     
  14. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Cant wait to see the reaction :noes:
     
  15. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    For how ever long it has been I cannot do or say the right thing with you. I am sure any silence on my end will be condemned also. I have tried to talk to you in the past and find your defensiveness defeating.

    You cannot seem to see the other side of anything. We do not offer advice any longer as all that does is make you mad.

    I do not talk to you for days or weeks and then you call and say you are coming over for dinner. The only words you had managed to say previously to me was that you will probably need to borrow money. You show up late for dinner, say nothing while we sit and wait for something from you. Larry and I do have things to do and cannot read your mind. You become offended when I make an assumption while I cannot ever have that luxury. For the past 3 days I had been getting some money options ready for you but again I was supposed to know exactly what was going on without the benefit of being told.

    I am trying to have Larry be a part of this as he would rather not get involved and you would rather not get involved which leaves me in the middle always feeling pitted against you both. So when the blame falls it is always with me. I give up, no matter what I do or don't do it is wrong.

    When have I not supported you? When have I not stood behind you? The attempts to help you get rebuffed at every turn and again what is it you want me to do?.

    I am just trying to make it through most days. I realise I will never ever have what we used to have again. And if that gives you some sort of satisfaction then I really do not know you at all.

    I am at a total loss.

    mom
     
  16. MamaDukes

    MamaDukes New Member

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    Seems to me that there is a little miscommunication between the two of you. Have you guys ever tried to actually sit and talk about what's going on?:sadwavey:
     
  17. johan

    johan Active Member

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    That should make you very sad and very shameful. It made me feel sad for your mom.

    The way out is for you two to talk more. More openly and just plain more of it.
    If you care for your mom, as a person, not as a walking atm, then tell her and show her.

    Bring her some cheap flowers -- pick some wildflowers off the side of the road, even -- and go over when Larry's not around.

    You two need to reconnect, for both your sakes.

    You'd be surprised how big issues are tamed when there's caring and love present.
    And how the small issues just sort of melt away and disappear.

    You have it within you to do this.

    That letter from your mom was open, naked and raw. I didn't see any blaming or fingerpointing in there. It should be possible to reconnect with her with just a little effort on your part.

    But you have to see beyond yourself, beyond your problems with the job, or rent, or whatever.

    See your mom as an older woman (and not getting any younger) with her own hopes and fears and daily challenges and money woes and believes she's lost her son due to....disinterest.

    You talk about your own self-esteem floundering, what do you think that does for her self-esteem?

    You can do this because your letter reveals you to be intelligent and aware. So...go pick some flowers already.

    PS Good on you for having the balls to post your mom's response.
    It shows you are earnest and genuine. Good luck with this one. You'll do fine. Just make the effort.
     
  18. johan

    johan Active Member

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  19. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    a few things are to be said, one thing is:

    people do not have crystal bolls , your mom doesn t and cannot read your mind , and you only show up for money. No wonder your relationship is rocky, you base relationships on how people are helping you financially instead of it being based on love: have you ever done things for your mother just because you love her; Did you ever give her a bunch of flowers, to show your appreciation for all the things she has done for you; which are far more then you are willing to admit;

    your lesson is that life isn t about money but about loving and helping other people;

    always try to view things also from another persons shoes
     
  20. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

  21. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Yeah, I know, she's whiny, she's needy, she's manipulative, she's a bitch.

    But maybe you can find it within yourself to pretend that's not there.
    Maybe you can rise to the occasion, transcend the little sins against you, and act differently?

    Pretend you just won 100 million dollars, and you roll home in your new Carrera GT and find out your mom is weak, tired and she has terminal lung cancer. She only has a few days left.

    In her fearful eyes amid the tears welling up, you can see the words "I'm sorry, Jeff, so sorry". But she can't bring these words to her mouth, even though you know they're there.

    All those past resentments would wash away, because you're a big enough man and that shit is all so trivial and minor.

    You'd probably say "don't sweat it mom, everything's cool." as you hold her in your arms for what is probably the last time in her life.

    Well you know what. You can be that bigger man. You don't need 100 million dollars -- you have everything you need within yourself already.
     
  22. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    I've done that, dozens of times. How many more times do you want me to do it before my spine completely withers away?
     
  23. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Why would your spine wither away?

    I think we're talking about two different things here. I'm suggesting approaching her with tolerance and compassion, coming from a place of power and strength. You have a lifetime ahead of you. Hers...is coming to a close.

    Act powerful...and become powerful.

    I'm not saying to debase yourself or give away your personal power, trading it for affection. Just the opposite. I'm saying for YOU to become the parent, and treat your mom as the small child. Her tantrums...are just that. Childish tantrums.

    Your spine doesn't wither because you're the adult. You have the power. She has very little. Only people without power play games. To people with power, all that shit is trivial little mindfucks that is beneath their notice and not worth their time to get involved.
     

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