SRS Let her go?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by bastid, May 9, 2005.

  1. bastid

    bastid New Member

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    Started dating at 16, got pregnant at 17, got married. Divorced at 20. Got back together for about a year at 23, had another child. I'm almost 25 now and I thought we were headed in the right direction. She keeps telling me that she wants to start all over in our relationship. She also wants to go to counseling (i've got no problem with that) and i'm just getting all kinds of mixed signals.

    I've always felt like she was the one for me. Even when we'd break up, it onlly felt temporary. But now I feel like she's moving more and more away from me. I don't know what to do. We've got 2 kids and I'd love nothing more than to be married again and be a family. Guess you never know what you had until it's gone :hs:

    I don't know what to do. She's saying she doesn't want to make any promises about being together, and says she doesn't want to keep me from seeing other girls. But she gets insanely jealous everytime we're not together and I even start casually dating someone. And, besides, I'm only interested in her. I want to give her space and let her figure out what she needs, but how long do I leave her alone? Months, years? I also don't want her to feel like i'm not interested in her, or that I'm interested in someone else.

    Man this sucks :(
     
  2. Killa B

    Killa B Abuse This!

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    Damn, Thats tough
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    This girl is a loonatic. Seriously , she must be dillusional about her future and marriage and cannot possibly and will not possibly ever be satisfied with the outcome of her life. Basically she is the typical , house, tree, animal type of girl that wants to have something stable settled for her own, but once she settles she wants to find out if there's anything 'more' in life outside there.

    So you have to set her an ultimatum, either she stays with you to build up a stable future, or she can run like a chicken without a head thru-out the rest of her life, seeking her utopia life which doesn't exist. Say she can't have everything , and that she has to make a choise either to put up with you, and the good and the bad stuff that you carry along with you. Or to take a hike, and search for someone else who can forfill her needs. You love her, but building up a future has to come from both sides.
     
  4. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    That's pretty tough for both of you. You guys had to grow up real fast so there's going to be some things missing mentally that need to be addressed. From what I've seen, couples usually deal with the same issues for the complete duration of their relationships. It's just not something you can escape so easily. Going to counseling would be a great way for you guys to discuss the issues you have with each other. You don't have to be in a relationship to go to counseling.
     
  5. bastid

    bastid New Member

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    I talked to her again tonight about it. We actually talked for like 3 hours. The outcome was this: Let's just go back to how we were last week when things were fine. We'll freeze our "relationship" where it is now and for 6 months, we can work on ourselves. I'm going to go to counseling and so is she. If, after 6 months in counseling, she can't decide whether or not she wants to move forward, I'll probably give serious consideration to ending it and closing the book on "us" forever. She seemed excited about keeping things how they've been, and I'm hoping counseling will help us both.
     
  6. CelesteLeSonne

    CelesteLeSonne DEWmocracy

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    i'm assuming you'll be doing some couples counseling, not just independent...
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You can't go back, and you can't 'freeze' things. Well, you can try, and I'm not knocking you for wanting to try. It shows a commendable willingness.

    But...given your extensive history, the fact is the two of you have serious, deep rooted longstanding issues that will not resolve simply by pretending they don't exist (going back) or by ignoring them (freeze).

    Surely you must see that?

    The only real chance you have as a couple is to enter couples therapy together and try to resolve the issues within your marriage.

    Go asap.
     
  8. Its H

    Its H New Member

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    Seem like both of you want to work it out. I think marriage counseling is the best way to fix all the problems you guys have. And it doesnt work out, then you know for sure its just time to end it -=(
     
  9. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    :werd:

    You can't bury/hide/runaway from problems definitely, the longer you cover them up, the bigger they get, and one day it's just gonna blow. In your case it sounds like it blew a few times, which caused the off/on in your relationship. So until you iron those problems out between you two, aka communication without anger, couple counseling is probably the only thing thats gonna help.

    Spending time on freeze with the both of you going seperately trying to find your own faults isn't gonna work, because the problem lies with the two of you together, theres nothing wrong with either of you. You just have to see eye-to-eye.
     

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