SRS Learning to control my emotions

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by anonymous, Aug 4, 2005.

  1. anonymous

    anonymous New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    0
    I didn't realize how much my emotions hurt people until my SO decided he wanted to take a break.
    All my life, I've been a pretty private person because I'm afraid to get too close to people for fear of getting hurt. I don't tell people how I feel. I never cry. If I have problems or issues, instead of telling people about them, I'll call my friends to get them to distract me from my issues instead of talking to them about it. I've lost close friends because I thought it was easier to cut them out of my life than telling them what was wrong.
    Then I met my SO a little over a year ago. We got along perfectly. However, when things bothered me, I never let him know. I figured they were little things and not worth mentioning because I didn't want to cause any issues to arise. I kept them bottled up inside me and I just shut everything and everyone out. It's almost like giving someone the cold shoulder, only it feels a lot worse. It's like I alienate them and don't acknowledge their existence. I just clam up and when he talks to me I'm very soft spoken and only give single word answers or use as little words as possible. That's when he knows there's something wrong because when I'm okay, I'm a happy-go-lucky, bubbly, always smiling person. He'll then ask me what's wrong and I won't tell him or I'll pretend everything is fine. A few hours or a day or so pass by and that's when I decide to tell him what's wrong. I didn't know that when I do this, it affects him too. He started to feel the effects of my cold shoulder attitude and it made him a miserable person. He eventually got fed up with my attitude and decided he wanted to take a break.
    He's not the only one I've done it too. I did it to one of my best college friends because I felt like she wronged me in some way so I just stopped talking to her and anyone associated with her.

    I care for him a lot and I want this relationship to work. Also, I don't want to lose anymore friends. I've lost some really good friends because I felt it was easier to alienate them than talk about the problems. I've alienated my sisters. I know I need to to learn to control my emotions and not get so riled up about things and to just let the unimportant things go.

    I don't know where to begin or what I should do. Please help. I've seriously considered going to a counselor or some kind of professional to get help, yet they're so expensive that I'm hoping maybe I can find the answers online.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2005
  2. FairyTat

    FairyTat Anticipation, the taste of things to cum

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2004
    Messages:
    609
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nashville, TN
    I'm not sure I can give any great advice on this subject. I have a tendency to do the same thing. It's easier for me to just bottle everything up inside than it is to tell anyone how I feel. The unfortunate thing is it usually ends up turning small things into big issues because I brood over them. I'm sure you do the same.

    I don't know what the solution is. I think realizing it's a big problem is a good first step tho.
     
  3. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    Just say what you're feeling. No one can fault you for telling the truth, only your delivery of it. Communication is key... if it pisses you off that your SO leaves the toilet seat up (lol), then say something. At least he'll be aware of it, and him knowing about an issue facilitates discussion about it - you can find ways to work around it or decide whether you're justified in feeling the way you do.
     
  4. rookie

    rookie New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2005
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    realization is definitely a great first step.

    we all have some things in our past we aren't comfortable sharing. start with something there. nothing earth shaking. Just something you wouldn't normally share. I think that would be a great first step. If nothing comes to mind, try something more current. Perhaps the issue that caused your SO to want a break. If he's patient and you want to change, it will be tough but you can do it.

    If that's still too tough, there is nothing wrong with seeing a psychologist. Stay away from "counselors" as they are often far less qualified to help.

    Hope it helps...
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    "don't make your heart a murder hole"

    That's what once was said in a comic book, however it is more true in real life then it was in this cartoon.

    We people are like a steam kettle , you have to release steam every now and then otherwhise 'she's gonna blow' , and that makes you socially defect to that extend that you aren't able to choose for those things in your life that you want to choose, because your introvert attitude is keeping all the steam forcefully in.

    That's not the way to go, what you want to be is a person free from worries, and if you recognize that all worries in life are no real worries at all, then you can lift your heart every now and then. Even by using these forums would be better then letting everything stay inside of you. Trust me you will feel a lot more reassured and free, and can remain to be anonymous without gettting hurt to certain proportions.
     

Share This Page