LDR

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by radfad88, Jun 25, 2008.

  1. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    Recently a whole list of things have brought me to look into Nat'l Guard as a way for finishing school while serving 1 wkend / month unil i'm done w/ school (possibly being deployed somewhere after, which I'm fine with). My parents and I have all looked into it and we have a family friend who is a recruiter we've been talking to also. I've been to the recruiter's office a couple times already and am going to take the AVSVAT (sp?) test tomorrow. You can check out this thread if you want some back story and if you still have questions just ask. http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3834720

    The only real downside I see right now is I'd have to be gone initially for like 4.5-5 months. Which would be fine with me except that I have a boyfriend here that I really, really like. I'd like to leave ASAP for basic training to be able to go to school again in January. My real question is... after dating 7 months, is it unreasonable to ask my boyfriend to stay and wait for me when I probably won't be able to talk to him very much (esp in the first 8 weeks or so) and certainly wont be able to see him for pretty much that entire time?

    Some of you might think it's crazy for me to do this but I really feel like it's what I need to do to make sure I have a secure future... I'm a pretty spiritual person and for some reason I feel like this is what God has lead me to do... So whether or not I SHOULD go isn't really the issue here... it's whether or not it's reasonable to ask my boyfriend to stay together while I'm gone. What do you guys think?
     
  2. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    just to add... I keep thinking "what would I do if he decided to do this? would I be able to stay with him knowing we'd be apart for that long?" and my honest answer is yes, I love him and being with him has made me happier than I've ever been. Being able to stay faithful wouldn't even be an issue, I'm not really attracted to other men and he's the only one I want to be with.
     
  3. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    yes, its reasonable to have him stay and wait for you. At least try-- if you dont try, you'll never know if you could have made it. Don't ever give up an opportunity for a relationship, and dont throw away a relationship because you think you cant make it work. Plenty of people in the service are in relationships or married, and people make extraordinary sacrifices for each other. Those months will fly by I'm sure, and if you have a secure relationship you will come out stronger and healthier than you even were before. You have to put your relationship through these kinds of trials to see if it will ever make it long term. You cant just baby it and avoid all struggle to maintain something.

    Good luck babe! :love:
     
  4. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    I say go for it. If you really see yourself with him for a long, long time then 5 months is nothing in the bigger picture of things. If you're busy, time will FLY, believe me. If he feels the same, he'll be in it for the long run, and, if not, at least you've found out now.. :hs: I don't think it's unreasonable at all. Hard time make or break a relationship, but sometimes those hard times are responsible for unbreakable bonds and strength in a relationship.
     
  5. Vanilla Tarantino

    Vanilla Tarantino OT Supporter

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    Why would it be unreasonable to ask him to wait around? If things are going well, it should be no problem picking up right where you left off. I would assume you've talked to him a bit about this whole plan. What has his reaction been so far?
     
  6. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    This is why I'm asking you guys... I've grazed the subject... basically he's been in the loop about everything I've done so far (talking to my parents, going to see recruiter, he knows I'm going tomorrow for the test), but the few times I've actually said something sort of point blank about it, he clams up and doesn't have anything to really say about it.

    A couple of days ago I asked him "so if I really wind up doing this and have to be gone for 5 months... would you be okay with that? would we stay together?" he didn't say anything for a minute and I asked why he wouldnt answer and he said he was just sad thinking about it, but then he asked me "would you stay with me if I left?" I said yes I would, and he said "well then that's what we'll do, I can handle it". Then he wanted to change the subject and I haven't brought it back up.

    --he's sort of an introvert whenever it comes to feelings and stuff... sometimes it takes me a few tries to get him to really open up and talk to me.
     
  7. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Certainly reasonable to try if you believe it to be worth both of your whiles.
     
  8. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    5 months isn't long when you're in it for the long haul.
    ldr's can work when there is a definite end to the distance part in sight.

    i say go for it. it'll be shitty at times, but there's a reasonable chance you'll make it.
     
  9. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    well he just came by for a minute to drop something off over here... so I just asked him if we could talk about it again. At various times I got answers ranging from "I just don't know I'm going to have to think about this" to "Let's just see what happens, you're not even sure yet. Let's leave it up to God and pray about it a little" (he's certainly not religious so I didn't know how to take this).

    Meh, this hurts my feelings a lot... when he was going to be away for the entire summer I thought it would suck but I never thought of breaking up with him about it. Even thought it's only 2 months during summer and we're talking 5 months here... eh, I don't know this is just really sad and I dont' know what's going to happen.
     
  10. fray

    fray New Member

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    It almost sounds like he doesn't agree with you joining the guard and is clamming up because of that more than because you're leaving.
     
  11. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i was thinking the same thing. or hes not sure he can last the 5 months with you being gone.

    either way, please dont change your mind about joining if he says he wants to break up when you leave. you are doing this for you, not for him, so dont let him possibly hold you back

    if he decides he cant handle it and wants to break up, thats ok. to me it shows a lack of support for something you really want to do, which is a big problem if you planned to have a future with him. you need support from him about this!

    if he decides you guys will see how it goes, try to have patience. its going to be hard, and im not sure which one of you it will be harder for. you will be busy and distracted and have scheduled things to do while you are gone, which will make it a little easier for you. but you will be away from everything familier to you, which will make it harder. he might not be as busy as you while you are gone, which might make him more lonely and make the time last longer, but he will be at home with friends and family which could help him feel better too.

    try to find ways to communicate as often as possible. when my cousin was in boot camp, his then gf (now wife) would write him at least one letter every day. you guys could try something like that so that it feels like you are still communicating every day even if there is no chance for phone calls

    good luck with this!
     
  12. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    In the big scheme of life, a 5 month seperation isn't such a big thing to deal with. If he isn't willing, then maybe he isn't "The One".
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    The only thing I don't agree with is when you say "I'm going to ask him to wait for me." You don't ask him...he needs to want to wait for you and tell you that's been his plan from the start and how an LDR is fine with him.

    Asking him is only going to possibly force him into agreeing that waiting is what he wants.
     
  14. mavfan1

    mavfan1 Active Member

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    jesus...you are SUPER cute...he would be an idiot not to wait for you. god, you will be the cutest defender of the nation...ha
     
  15. fray

    fray New Member

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    you are such a leg humper...
     
  16. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    yeah for real.


    ...



    pics?
     
  17. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    thanks guys for everyone's input. I got my scores back today and scored a 94 (out of 99) which the recruiter said was the 2nd highest score he's seen. I know that this is really what I want to do. I talked to my bf again today and he said he just needs some time to think. I think what you guys are saying is true, if he can't wait a few months for me, then he's probably not the one and it should be no loss. It still feels really shitty though and I still think of it as losing someone very very close to me :(

    Hopefully he will just suck it up and decide our relationship is worth more than a few months of seperation.
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Congrats on the score and doing something you feel strongly about.

    However...if this choice of yours wasn't completely out of nowhere and he's known it might happen and he's still having to "decide" whether he wants to keep open an LDR with you I'm sorry, I wouldn't stand for that shit. It is a big decision, but if his gut reaction isn't "of course I will wait for you to come back!" then I'm not sure you guys will work.
     
  19. mavfan1

    mavfan1 Active Member

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    she's cute....:hsd: relax...post a cute pic of you and i'll let hump too:mamoru:
     
  20. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    it hasn't come "completely" out of no where but it's only really been brought up to him for about 1.5-2 weeks now. Of course my gut reaction would be what you described, and the fact that it wasn't his is probably what bothers me most about everything.

    BLAH!
     
  21. mavfan1

    mavfan1 Active Member

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    btw, radfad, the national guard reserve headquarters are two floors above me in my building. not that anyone cares...just saying
     
  22. rickforking

    rickforking OT Supporter

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    Maybe he is just anti-military atm, like the rest of the country.

    Or maybe he is thinking that you will be gone for nearly as long as you guys have been together. Or maybe he is thinking that you will be gone, then back for college, then off to who-knows where after college.

    If it was me, I wouldn't stay with you, not because you are leaving, but because you are asking if I would stay with you if you did this, not what my opinion on if you should do it or not.

    If the relationship is serious enough for you to want him to wait for you and support you, it SHOULD be serious enough to weigh his opinion on IF YOU SHOULD BE DOING IT AT ALL in with your and your parents opinions.
     
  23. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    His opposing opinion would only be valid if he could offer another solution to the whole "getting through college" thing, and he can't. He certainly doesn't have any money to give me, and the military does.
     
  24. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Well, I'm just gonna come out and offer some defense/support for the guy in this situation...he has to do what's best for him. If he feels that an LDR is not right for him, then he needs to end the relationship if/when you live.

    He could be like me, and just not be comfortable with the idea of an LDR.
     
  25. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    i understand all of this. it's not like i would be MAD at him for doing what he feels he has to do (just like I'm doing with leaving). I'm just going to be really sad and disappointed. This whole situation is new and exciting and everyone i know is behind me 100% except him and it's really hard :wtc:
     

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