SRS LDR on the rocks

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by The Secretary, May 24, 2006.

  1. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

    Apr 21, 2004
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    Where Blood Bleeds Orange
    I decided the skip the anomity of posting anonymously and put my name with my thread.

    I have a situation with the relationship with my bf.

    Here is some background:
    Met at college 2.5 years ago about
    Started dating
    Both of us moved back home to our respective cities (approx 3hr drive) after school let out
    Both of us live at home still
    LDR for last 2yrs
    Both of us are 20
    Seriously dating each other
    We get to see each other about every 4-8 weeks depending on my school/work schedule.

    Both of us have room for improvement in the relationship, I have faults, and he has faults, we are attempting to be human. Here is our issue though.

    I work part time and go to school full time. I work what people would call a white-collar job.
    He works full time on nights, he works blue collar.

    We also had a fight about a month ago about a different subject and I could not deal with the stress of it at the time because it came about 3 weeks until the end of the semester and I had a scholarship riding on the line, so I did what I needed to do for me.

    This year I scheduled my vacation around his work schedule so that way we could see each other for more than a day. I told him that this is really the only days im going to have off until this coming Jan, unless I work fed holidays. We had agreed about 6 weeks prior that we would spend Memorial Day weekend together. I drove to see him a few weeks ago when he was off work and we spent a few days together. About Wednesday of last week, my bf tells me his sister is coming in from out of town, and that he was going to only come in on Saturday. I have to admit I lost it, I was extremely upset because of our previously made plans, but he pretended as if it was no big deal like it would not bother me. However, I have expressed that I was and still am very upset with the situation. I think that it bothers him more that I expressed my displeasure and voicing my opinion of the situation than the actual subject matter of it, he hates confrontation, and I take it head on normally. I don’t want to be the bitch and be non-grateful for the time we have together. Nevertheless, he works twice as much as I do and makes more money than me, and has a schedule that is more flexible than mine, to maybe fly to see his sister or come and see me. I have a problem getting him to come to my house and spending more than a day. Its not that my family and his don’t get along but its very awkward for him to be around them. I do not know what to do. Because of my voicing of displeasure we have to have a “talk”, I feel like im 1st grade again and I got in trouble with the teacher. I feel like I cannot win, because if I do not say anything then he’s walking all over me and if I do say something I feel like im being an ungrateful bitch and I have to chastised like a child. Almost every time I go see him there really isn’t an issue, but when its his turn to come and see me it’s a big fight of the who what where when and how.

    I have a lot of financial strain in my family, I work because I have to I am putting myself through school and help my parents with the bills. Many times, I do not have the money to go and see him but I do because I want to be with him. He came from a family where money really wasn’t an object, they aren’t rich by any means but they don’t worry about paying the light bill at the end of the month. He does not understand how I can be in the situation that I am in because he is never been there. I have loans for my education and he doesn’t his parents wrote checks. He expects me to be able to drop everything for him and be at his beck and call, but when I need something from him it’s a war and sometimes I win but its hell in between. Also I think he thinks like any good politican and says if you throw money at it the problem will go away. He has been buying me alot of stuff lately, and he normally doesnt do that.

    Thank you guys for any advice in the future.
  2. Isaac

    Isaac New Member

    Apr 24, 2006
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    It sounds like he's coming up short on the deal. If you were in a more comfortable situation, I'd be questioning why 3 hours apart is really that big a difference. If I really loved somebody that distance would be nothing for me to drive once a week, and my car aint exactly a Prius.

    If I were you, I'd have the talk with him, and don't be a supplicant about anything. You're the one who's feeling cheated here, so you're the one with the grievance. Tell him you have a problem with how little you're getting to see of him, and see how he reacts. If he's wishy washy at all, screw him. Find a guy who really cares. Hopefully it puts less strain on you.

    Nobody wants a break from a relationship because they want someone who cares. If you don't have someone who cares, you're not losing much. Take a break from the stress of having to deal with it. You'll feel better, even if it's without him.
  3. an0nym0us

    an0nym0us New Member

    May 10, 2006
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    ask yourself one question.... is all of this worth it? once you have the answer to that question then you can make a decision on how to handle the situation. in my opinion it seems that although your relationship is somewhat functional, it's not fulfilling at all.

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