SRS LD Relationships

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Guz200sx, Dec 11, 2006.

  1. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2002
    Messages:
    15,741
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wellington, Florida Bitches!
    Is their a statistic on how many LD's actually last??? I know they are harder to maintain.

    I am considering entering one....I'm basically like what the hell do I have to lose if i enter into one? And the answer is basically nothing. I would of course have to go and see her every now and then but oh well....make a trip out of it, i guess

    I would even go so far as saying If things go well, I wouldn't mind moving....I'm sure I could possibly get something else their, job wise. But i also don't know how the cost of living is out their and all that....

    I may make the decision and ask her what she thinks because she is coming down my way next month possibly.
     
  2. 2500

    2500 Guest

    how far are you guys apart? it all depends on how often you guys can see each other. if its only 2-3 hours, and you can see each other weekly, it could work. if its more, i dunno. my buddy tried a LD relationship. he was in chicago, she was in michigan. only 4-5 hours apart, and, they never met over 11 months, fought all the time, and i believe all the problems were rooted in the frustration of not being able to be together. or you can do what i did, met someone, and within 1.5 months, i moved over 600 miles from home to be with them. goin on 6 months now, and things couldn't be better. but, IMO, LD relationships are hard, and unless there is a chance of getting close soon, i say its a lost cause.
     
  3. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    790
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think that's the key.

    You both have to seriously consider how hard this LD thing will be, and you should both consider some solid plan whether or not either one of you would be doing the sacrifice to move so you can be together.
     
  4. Jeff Merr

    Jeff Merr Elite Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2003
    Messages:
    11,532
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northern California
    The main problem with LDR's is trust. And if you feel you have nothing to lose, then what do you have to gain? - If you can't answer that then save you or her the heartship and remain good friends. Sounds like you would be better off being mutual friends until you decide what you are doing - where you are going to live etc.

    IMO LDR's are a bad idea. I think that relationships involve a lot of things that cannot be accomplished over a phone.
     
  5. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2002
    Messages:
    15,741
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wellington, Florida Bitches!
    I think its a 5 or 6hr trip by car. We prolly wouldn't see each other much....maybe like every other month. I don't know. I can't really afford driving down their and paying for a room.

    I think moving in with someone in a short span of 1.5 months is too little time to get to know someone really well. I don't know if I would do it that quickly...How often did you talk with them?? Did you visit each other often???
     
  6. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2002
    Messages:
    15,741
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wellington, Florida Bitches!
    Well, maybe I was going over the top with saying I have nothing to lose. I would be leaving my family here and also some friends and more importantly a job where I have been for many years. I have a good relationship with the people their. Something that I may not have anyway else so I do have a bit to lose, Actually.

    What do I have to gain?? I would be gaining a relationship with a woman who I could have a future with. And its something I have been searching for. In my current position, its actually the one thing I am missing. But the real question of is the gain better than the lose and thats what I don't know yet.

    But if a LDR has that trust what then?? I think its the communication that becomes an even bigger factor. Communicating with your partner becomes very important. If the two have good communication then maybe that can take the place of "certain things" that cannot be accomplished over the phone.
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    5 or 6 hour drive?

    Unless you knjow you or she is going to be moving closer, or have already formed a solid relationship in the past, it's not worth it, nor likely that it will work.

    Who wants to be with someone who is 5 hours away, and can only see them once or twice a month, when they could find soomeone nearby who they could see 10 times as much?

    Not to mention, the tension and stress buildup would be insane...you'd end up setting these super high expectations for the times when you do see each other, any little thing is going to be blown way out of proportion.

    You have lots to lose: wasted gas money, time that could be spent pursuing/forming a realistically more viable relationship, peace of mind (how would you know if the girl wasn't playing you on the side), etc.

    I'd definitey recommend sticking to being with someone a whole lot closer than 6 hours away.
     
  8. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    50,478
    Likes Received:
    35
    Location:
    philadelphia/buffalo
    it all relys on the level of trust you have with each other. You'll need to talk at least every other day, webcams help 100x over, i highly recommend them. I've been in a LD for roughly 1-1/2 yrs. (we were together for 1yr before i moved), 7hr. distance and we only saw each other once every 4-5 weeks for just a weekend. It was very tough, one month it'd be fine, then the next it would take a lot of work to keep it together, but it's finally ending in 2 weeks and she's moving down here :bigthumb: So it can be done but the odds are against you.
     
  9. pixing

    pixing New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2004
    Messages:
    1,356
    Likes Received:
    0
    especially if you fall asleep being on the road for 20 minutes
     
  10. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    Off the top of my head:

    1. Time wasted that could be used to meet other women.
    2. Time wasted driving
    3. Being single when the right woman does come along.
    4. Not understanding that other women may look at you having a long distance relationship as a "cop out" because you can't keep a local woman, which in turn means something is wrong with you and they should not date you.
    5. You won't be getting laid much.
    6. Phone calls and instant message/email often lead to friendzone.
    7. Never being able to go on a date and learn how to succeed by failing.
    8. The stupid idea in your head that you're not single, yet you're always alone when out with your friends.
    9. The fact that LDR's are much harder to make work.
    10. Not knowing what she is doing, and if she is with another man.

    I've done them, they have all failed. Of course, all my in-person relationships have failed as well :mamoru: up until the last one!

    My rule of thumb has now come down to a 20 minute drive MAX. It's that simple. If you cannot find a woman to date within 20 minutes of you, something is wrong. You are either not trying, not doing something right, or not looking.
     
  11. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2005
    Messages:
    1,226
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    socal
    i've just come out of a bad ld relationship, and i can tell you it's worth it if you're not afraid to get hurt. i knew it wasn't going to last, despite how much me and my ex loved each other, and despite the fact that she never thought she was capable of cheating until she did it. not saying that your potential gf will, but that's one of the hard things about ld. there are plenty more listed already, and if you are going to value the time you spend together over the likely breakup, then go for it. if you don't like imagining that it's going to end, and will be hurt by it more than you can handle, don't do it.
     
  12. 2500

    2500 Guest

    for me, we met on myspace on june 11th. on june 16th, we were "together." we spoke every day and every night either on the phone or through texts. on june 29th, i made my first tryip to tennessee, and on july 29th, i was living here. haha, moved in together i should say. so, i've known my boyfriend for 5 days longer than i've been with him. i dunno what it was though, something just pulled us together. it'll be 6 months on the 16th, and, i really don't know what i would do without him, hes my soul mate. :hyper:

    but for me, the reason i met him, and moved to be with him so quickly, was because i had very serious doubts it would work LD. so, i wasn't about to lose him, so, i made the move.
     
  13. whelen1

    whelen1 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2003
    Messages:
    1,203
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hartford/Providence
    im coming out of a 6 month LDR, and I've seen her for 10 days out of that 6 months.

    If you don't FULLY TRUST her then, don't even think about it. Simple as that.

    5-6 hour drive was to her parents house which was where she was staying, then moved to over 1000 miles away. Started dating less than a month before she moved away and we just passed out 7 month anniversary and still going strong.

    We've been talking about marriage for a long time now too. If you both want it to work then you both have to work on it to make it happen and be successful. If one person looses sight of the goal then your both fucked. Simple as that.
     
  14. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2002
    Messages:
    15,741
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wellington, Florida Bitches!
    :squint:
     
  15. 2500

    2500 Guest

    haha, i just caught that :rofl:
     
  16. party_cat

    party_cat New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    0
    It demands a lot of patience to have a LDR. You should know and understand that you cnt just meet at any time you wish. From what I know on LDR is that there are more fights than good communication. I guess it comes from the fact that both are equally frustrated from not being able to meet, or see each other, esp. in times of need!
    I read an interesting article on whether LD relationships work on articlempire and well, it gives food for thoughts. THere are more odds to it than we anticipate.
    If someone wants to have a LDR, one should accept that distance rules above all!
     
  17. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2005
    Messages:
    1,226
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    socal
    yea and most girls aren't willing to. fucking bitches.
     
  18. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    LDR are not a good idea. I could go into a long song and dance about all the particulars, but...who the hell cares, let's just leave it at that.

    They are not a good idea.

    Knowing that, if you still choose to go that way...heh god love ya for it.
     
  19. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    790
    Likes Received:
    0
    If you can avoid it and find someone closer, that would be best. I don't think anyone chooses to do this intentionally, but we can't choose who we fall for sometimes.

    I've done it for close to 2 years now and I can attest that it's doable. All hope is not lost just because of distance. You just have to work harder and know what you're doing all of it for.

    Honestly though, if you can't even afford a hotel room and gas right now, this is probably not a good idea. You need to concentrate on establishing yourself before you worry about a relationship IMHO.
     
  20. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2005
    Messages:
    7,173
    Likes Received:
    0
    My LDR just failed, I would go home from college and she would only see me for a few hours out of 4 days. What sucked is she would never come to see me at college, instead she would buy her self something for $300+ instead of coming to see me for ~$140.

    I just gave up on it. She didn't want to make the effort to see me and I rather have someone who wants to be with me. The BEST part is, after I dumped her, she now calls/txts me everyday.
     
  21. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years- the first 2 were LD. We were 411 miles apart. For the first year we saw each other about every 6 weeks. The second year when I was finishing my bachelors degree and we only saw each other every 3 months. I moved out to be closer to him a year and a half ago. Things are great between us. :)

    It was hard when we lived far apart, but it wasn't terrible. We both had an advantage though, we had both been in relationships with SOs in the military- (you get use to not seeing and many times, not talking to your SO for a while when you're in that situation.) that actually prepared us a lot. You can have a great LD relationship if you have the right mindset for it. You learn very quickly how to communicate effectively. You'll also learn a lot about yourself.

    If you're up for it- give it a shot :) -but don't gamble more than you can afford to lose. It may work out, it may not, but you won't know if you don't try. Good Luck!
     
  22. whelen1

    whelen1 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2003
    Messages:
    1,203
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hartford/Providence
    :wavey: :wiggle:
     
  23. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    7,867
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ
    I was not in a long distance relationship, per se, but had a girlfriend a few hundred miles away at a different college.

    The anxiety you experience will be based greatly on your experience where YOU are rather than anything involving your relationship at all. The lonlier you feel, the more you will be concerned for your girlfriend, and she may find this constricting. You MUST learn to be interdependant in this situation. You must have your moments of dependance and exclusiveness, but also realize tha you are your own being, and must follow the path in front of your feet and nobody elses's.

    I'm not a fan of LD relationships, but I've seen them work. I'm not a big proponent of destiny, but in some cases like this I'll just admit "fuck it, I need to explore what else is out there. If it's meant to be it will find a way".
     
  24. whelen1

    whelen1 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2003
    Messages:
    1,203
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hartford/Providence
    EXACTLY!!!
     
  25. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,650
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Charleston, SC
    My LDR didnt seem very hard to me - we were 3 hours apart. In the beginning we saw each other every 2-3 weeks. After about 2 months it was every weekend. After 6 months, I moved the 200 miles to live with him. We've been together for just under 2 years now and are happier than ever. It all depends on how much you plan on seeing one another, how both of you deal with not being able to see each other as much as a non-LDR, and how much you both want it to work.
     

Share This Page