Bored at work and found this entertaining, off the gundams.net forums Law of Phlogiastatic Emission Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds. Law of Energetic Emission There is always an energy buildup (commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualiities of weapons it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass. First Corollary- Small and cute wil always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon. Law of Inexhasutibility No one ever runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, outnumbered, outclassed, and unconscious. Law of INverse Accuracy The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the Bad Guys when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreses. (Also known as the Storm trooper effect). Example: A Good Guy in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle wil always hit, and several batallions of Bad Guys firing on a Good Guy standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss. First Corollary- The more bad guys there are the less likely they'll hit anyone or do any real damage. Second Corollary- Whenver a Good Guy is faced with nisurmountable odds, the Bad Guys line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take tem all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape. Third Corollary- Whenever a Good gGuy is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated Good Guy Area. Usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the Good Guy from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weapons, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers. Law of Americanthropomorphism Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny Bad Guy or a big stupid Good Guy. Law of Feline mutation Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably be female, will posess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation, and will wear as little clothing as possible, if any. (the only exception to this is Loveless) Law of Conservation of Firepower Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort. Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability ANy color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation. Law of Follicular Permanence Hair is pretty much indestructive, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons...with bladed weapons. Law of Probable Attire Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines. Female characters in anime wear as alittle clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing with invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is not opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparant reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, male characters invariably wear long cloaks that don't hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them. Law of Hydrostatic Emission Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. THis is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure htrough large tear ducts. THe actual volume of water contained in the eyes in unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. THe reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because anime characters have one large sweat gland which is located in the back of the head. When extremeley stressed, embarrased, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis Regardless of how long or involved the transofrmation sequence or how many times they've seen in before, any Bad Guys witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interupt it. The Law of Mahou Shoujo Metamorphosis (Magical Girl Transformations) No matter how many times a Bad Guy or Clivian sees the heroine in her transfromed state. Despite having the same eye color, hair color, voice, etc. Said Mahou Shoujo true identity remains secret unless said Mahou Shoujo transfroms infornt of someone then and only then will her true identity be known. This Law can also go hand and hand with The Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis to create whats known as the Sailor Moon Effect. Law of Universal Relationships: no matter what, any form of relationship, such as, Incest, Homosexuality, and Phedophilipdia, will always be accepted by 95% of cast members, and if not, will always be then understood later on in the story and accepted, fans incourage unusual pairings as entertaining, First Collary: this law can be negated by specific people who have a strong bond with, or romanticlly has or wants one or both of the characters in said irregular relationship Inverse Law of hemoglobic pressure The amount of blood that emerges from a wound is inversely proportional to the size of the wound. First Corollary: The character gets a minor sword wound on the shoulder. Blood will cover the ground anywhere from 7-10 feet away from the injury and will continue to spew for several minutes. This seems to suggest that the character posesses over 10 gallons of blood under extreme pressure. If an entire limb is severed approximately the same amount of blood will emerge. Second Corollary: The character is assaulted with a sword and severed completely in half following the line of their spine. Blood will will be immidiately visible but after a shory spray only a minor amount will dribble from the remains at a leisurely pace with little spray until it covers the same ground as example A. This will take about 5 minutes. Third Corollary: The character's limbs are pulled off by force with no sharp objects involved. There will no blood visible for at least 3 minutes at which time it will VERY slowly soak the area. Ironically, these are the only occasions where the bones of the character will be apparent after dismemberment. All other signs would point to the victims being nothing more than human-shaped bags of red matter. Bones are most often not visible in the previous examples. The Law of Quintupular Agglutination - Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to usually be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are: 1) The Hero/Leader 2) His Girlfriend/Cute Girl 3) His Best Friend/Rival 4) A Hulking Brute 5) A Dwarf/Kid Between these basic positions are distributed five attributes, which include: 1) Extreme Coolness 2) Amazing Intelligence 3) Incredible Irritation 4) Unbeliveable Eating Abilty 5) Shyness The Law of Old Man Comic Relief - Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits. First Corollary - If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid, etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying pan or something. The First Law of Temporal Mortality - "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. *NOTE: Sometimes, Anime heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone, cyborg, or the case of a Hero he or she just has a near death experience. The Second Law of Temporal Mortality - It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain. The Law of Juvenile Intellectuality - In anime children are often either smarter than adults, almost twice as annoying, or a combo of both. The Law of Juvenile Omnipotence - Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it done in half the time and twice the angst. The Law of Female Wrath Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. If she is a character that can perform magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body, ect. of said male character. The Law of the Wise Old People Little old Japanese men or women always know how it ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special powers, weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything. The Law of Understatemention Anything that is deemed too impossible will become possible. First Corollary: Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he is wrong and will invariably be toastied. The Law of Alter Egos In an anime that has the main character as hopeless loser he with the help of either an ancient magical relic, spell, alien ray gun, or blunt force trauma to the head will gain a smarter, cooler, stronger, and even more well rounded alter ego. This alter ego will which places with said character form time to time to which said character will have no memory of what happened afterwards. (This may vary depending on the type of anime.) Also this alter ego may only appear during a situation involving a fight/battle of some sort or in order to impress a girl said character has a crush on. and one more befoe I call it a night The Law of The "That Attack" Every protagonist has one. It is always considered dangerous but only 50% actually have noticable side effects. The standard reason the hero does not use it at the start of a the battle with the villian that is obviously more powerful is because it uses up too much chakra, raitsu, ki, etc. even though there is no way that they would survive if they didn't use it The Law of Hydrostatic Emission Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid. The Law of Nasal Sanguination When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see The Law of Hydrostatic Emission above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region. The Law of Very Long Attacks In most anime a final attack must be atleast seven syllables long, take forever to say, or in many cases take a very long time to prepare. This is usually followed by some big explosion or something moving very fast. Like come on if your going to say something as your final attack at least let it be something funny, maybe " Neener, neener, neener!" The Law of Temporal Space All women in anime regardless of time and location, while being hit on have the ability to trancend space and call up a very large hammer to hit said "hitter". The Hero Complex Regardless of situation and place the hero of the anime will not be killed. Unless they die in the attempt of saving many people, or many people learn something, from the hero giving up his life. The Law of Godly Piloting Seen in most Gundam series, whenever a Gundam pilot enters a mobile suit not his own and most likely cannon fodder if piloted by any other is immediatly invincible to some degree. The Law of Dramatic Multiplicity Scenes that only happen when the Good Guy strikes the "Bad Guy" in the face, upper body, etc. with a surprise/quick attack. These scenes can be seen at the least 3 times from 3 different angles. The Law of Backwards Attraction In the case of most anime couples. Instade of the it starting out with love at frist sight their realationship starts off with hate and distrust but as the story goes on the bound between the two gets stronger and stronger until some major event happends in a stroy that makes them realize they love each other. (Also known as the Inuyasha Ignorince Factor.) The law of Pornographical Possibility: There is porn of it. No exceptions.