last time me/gf did it: valentines day :(

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by multiplexor, Apr 26, 2005.

  1. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2001
    Messages:
    5,038
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal Quebec Canada
    :wtc:

    (5+ years)

    as a scorpio, i find this extremely difficult... then again we're going through some hard times at the moment, and i'm not sure if it's going to last...

    I used to be extemely horny around her at all times... now i'm like... meh...
    she constantly said back in the day that sex isn't important to her...
    infact she doesn't really do much during it... she pretty much stays in missionary position and that's it...

    It's hard at this point, when we've moved in with each other / blended friends, etc... to simply say, ok that's it... But then again i'm getting this temptation to be single and just be..... go out / do shit / etc...

    I dunno... it's so odd because i say it, but i can't talk to her about it...
    Part of me wants to say something, but i had once done that 6 months into it (with this gf) and she cried and said she didn't want to be alone... so i said ok... we'll try again... I think I might have the fear of putting myself back in those shoes... it's not easy to just say, i'd rather be friends... :-/

    but yeah... no sex, hell i even try not to look at her when she's changeing... I'd rather not get excited over something I can't touch... or if / when i do, she'll get upset because she feels used... I just wish i could have a gf which would do these takes back to me...

    oh, and she doesn't just get "regular" upset... she has problems in the send that whenever she feels attacked or whatever, she'll used anger to solve it...

    i'm VERY VERY VERY passive... i lower my voice, i try to solve problems in a meaningfull way...

    anywho, just sharing... :-/
     
  2. ISO9002

    ISO9002 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2005
    Messages:
    249
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    townhouse, usa
    feel bad for u....sex is important to me but i love my gf too! But no sex for that long, wow...pretty impressive! :wtc:

    You dont even look at her when she gets changed?! urgh...that must feel awful...sorry man, dunno what to say more! :sadwavey:
     
  3. me and my bf are just the opposite... he used to be a horny bastard, we have sex like 4 times a day even after we moved in together.

    now 3 years later...
    i can walk around the house naked, do dishes naked, scrub the carpet naked, his eyes will still be glued to 1. PC monitor 2. some book 3. Halo 2.
    I feel like ... i am whoring myself out to him and not even getting enough.
     
  4. Ghostaz0r

    Ghostaz0r With my ego, I can stand there in a Speedo, and be

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2004
    Messages:
    1,071
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Boston, MA // Cornell University
    I feel for you... Me and my GF are much the same, although we havnt quite hit that stage of the relationship (we want to, we just never have the chance to. Its been almost 10 months)
     
  5. laracroft

    laracroft teh croft

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2005
    Messages:
    340
    Likes Received:
    0
    You guys need to talk. Better to break it off than to cheat on her.
     
  6. Ryuhei

    Ryuhei Oh gawd

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2001
    Messages:
    6,612
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    Run. FAST!
     
  7. Yes have some!

    Yes have some! Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2005
    Messages:
    14,101
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    here and there
    You read my mind. Sould like she has some deep seated emotional issues.
     
  8. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2004
    Messages:
    7,705
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Another reality apparently
    If you cant communicate with each other, id say its time to move on. Any relationship thats gonna last MUST have good communication
     
  9. Ractoon

    Ractoon Shibumi in progress...

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2001
    Messages:
    256
    Likes Received:
    0
    If you're finding the main reason for staying with this girl is so that she will not be alone, then I would have a serious deep thinking session. There are two things you might consider:
    1) Since you don't seem to be viewing her as a sexual object as of late the transition to friendship would be relatively easy, also your gf would not be "alone" as she would still have you as a close friend.
    2) The damage you put yourself through to make sure she is not alone will not be solely experienced by you. Things like this that get bottled up seldom stay that way.

    Good luck.
     
  10. prae

    prae OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2004
    Messages:
    10,592
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Alberta
    This isnt the first thread you've started on this subject. If I recall correctly you've been having doubts about your relationship for well over 6 months... I think it's time you did some serious thinking about this.
     
  11. Camaro > rice

    Camaro > rice New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2004
    Messages:
    1,815
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SIUC
    :werd: i just wish i could have a girlfriend
     
  12. sexhaver420

    sexhaver420 Buying stuff I don't need, with money I don't have OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2004
    Messages:
    3,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    if you want a horny girl and shes not horny enough for you then leave her. if you want sex (all guys do) and she doesnt give in then leave her.
     
  13. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,958
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
    My ex was like that and she was a scorpio. That's one reason why she's an ex. Sex should be important in a relationship. If she doesn't like sex, she shouldn't date, just get a dog or something
     
  14. Jonnie Boomboom

    Jonnie Boomboom New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2005
    Messages:
    171
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Milwaukee, WI - Wauwatosa
    Time to find someone new.
     
  15. lessthan

    lessthan Guest

    i know what your talking about im going through that shit
     
  16. Ryuhei

    Ryuhei Oh gawd

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2001
    Messages:
    6,612
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    :rofl: @ all the Scorpio hat0rs.
     
  17. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minot, ND
    You know... I was just reading this thread and it sounds a lot like me and the SO... But I also thought that maybe she's depressed. For example, maybe she's gained some weight and is no longer comfortable being naked around you. You said that sex wasn't really important to her in the beginning either, but maybe now it's like 10x worse, because with depression/weight gain/stress comes other doubts. Doubts that should have nothing to do with your relationship, but somehow find their way in.

    I'll use myself as an example. In high school, I wasn't one of the "in kids" and although it got lonely sometimes, it was okay, because I'd come to accept it. But I always thought that in college things would change, I would have new friends and a new life and blah blah blah... well college and work and life haven't made those things possible and I'm stressed out a lot of the time, and only have one true close friend that I spend time with. In fact, I probably spend more time with her than I do with my boyfriend; we aren't as close as we should/could be. I've also gained some weight and have some confidence issues (all on the inside tho, you wouldn't be able to tell ;)) He gets really upset with me because we don't have as much nooky as we used to, but with all the other issues I'm dealing with personally, it's hard to want to have sex with him, when that's all it seems I am to him. If instead of pouncing on me the minute we crawl into bed, he would talk to me, ask me about my day, just a little thing called communication, it would probably be different. Instead, the only attention he ever gives me is when he wants to get some. (and I know he's going to read this, but honey I've told you this before and the people have no idea who we are)

    Anyway, I went off on a rampage and I'm sorry to hijack your thread, but it just seems that everyone here is like "DUMP HER, SHE SUCKS!!" and maybe really, all you need to do is try to be there for her, talk to her and see if there is something really wrong that she doesn't want to tell you about. Depression/insecurity it sounds like to me, and I really think that if you've put this much time into the relationship, the 2 of you were/are pretty close. And if you used to be and aren't so much any more, then... well it's just something to think about.
     
  18. redking

    redking New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2005
    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    0
    Maybe you should initiate the sex first? This is a poor sign, but I think it's common. Sex is hot when the relationship starts but after a while things cool down and you guys have to like being with each other even when you're not fucking.
     
  19. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA

    yeah. sex with my bf was great for 3 years (pretty much every day, often times a lot more) but the fourth year i became really depressed. gained 10lbs. long story short, i didnt open up to him and a good relationship soured bc of things i was keeping locked inside.

    hows her self esteem? mine sucks. i dont feel pretty at all and thus am reluctant to do things or act out sexually bc i feel silly since i dont see myself as a sexual/sexy being. try making her feel appriecated, loved, make her feel sexy and wanted and whatnot. and talk. cant stress that enough. maybe just show her your post to start the needed conversation....
     
  20. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2001
    Messages:
    5,038
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal Quebec Canada
    yeah it's what it seems like...

    I'll have to bring something up soon...

    like maybe we should just try being friends or something...

    I dunno.... I did it once and it was hard enough...

    she's a good person, maybe just not for me...

    oh... and she has no weight problem or anything like
    that... she's petite.... looks pretty good too...

    anywho, something to think about :(
     
  21. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2001
    Messages:
    5,038
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal Quebec Canada
    you are correct... and each time i think about it, part of me want to move on... but it's so hard with everything here... moved in and stuff... our friends are all pretty much integrated....

    i'm weird like that... I can't bring shit like this up... unless i get super pissed off... otherwise I'm so passive that I don't want to hurt anyone, even though this is hurting the relationship...

    i need to get ultra pissed off to be able to speak my mind... gotta hate that! :(
     
  22. andymodem

    andymodem Ambitious, but rubbish.

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2001
    Messages:
    6,331
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Baltimore, MD
    Frustrating isn't it. :hug: :hs:
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2005

Share This Page