Ladies, translate this for me

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by busydoingnothing, Mar 19, 2007.

  1. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2006
    Messages:
    3,266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan
    So I've been talking to this girl for about a month now, and thing have been great so far. We have a lot in common, we think similarly, we make each other laugh, etc. Things have been pretty intense as well...we've made out, we've fooled around a bit, she's slept over a couple times. I really had nothing to fear.

    This past Thursday, we made plans to go see a movie. Her friend showed up at her house, back from school, cause she had broken up with her boyfriend. So plans were cancelled. I ended up picking her up after she got home from the bar and she slept over. The next day, I dropped her off and we made plans to go see a movie. She would call me later. No call. I called her and no answer. I kinda figured she must have fallen asleep. She send me a message online later that night (while I was sleeping) and said she was sorry, and she would talk to me tomorrow (Saturday).

    Saturday, she sent me a Happy St. Patrick's Day online when I wasn't there. I called her and she didn't pick up. I left her a voicemail. I got nervous that she hadn't called back, and I was down about it all night (besides getting drunk). She finally got back to me this evening. She had gone up to Lansing to party for St. Patrick's Day. I asked her if she had fallen asleep Friday, and here's her response:

    Her: In a word, no.
    Her: Abridged version, you just are pretty awesome and it scares the crap out of me, so I kind of had a scare off.
    Her: Where it was like, "uh... is this like, too much too fast?"
    Her: "All this hanging out stuff?"
    Her: But then I didn't bother calling you to tell you because really... that sounds so stupid.

    Later in the conversation, when I told her I was thrown off when she didn't call yesterday/she didn't answer when I called:

    Her: But that's kind of what I meant, is that I've been calling your ear off all the time and asking you to hang out a lot, and it's like, "Woah woah, girl. Cool it."
    Her: Because if it wasn't like that, then it wouldn't be a big deal to not talk for like 24 hours.

    I'm just not sure how to take it. I thought everything was going well and she was digging me, but now I'm a bit worried. Any advice from the female persuasion would be appreciated :hsd:
     
  2. otherlank

    otherlank OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2006
    Messages:
    22,174
    Likes Received:
    0
    I may not be a girl, but it seems pretty obvious to me that she is digging you and thats what is terrifying her.

    She's got walls up..from something, i dont know exactly what. She's afraid of letting herself go and getting hurt.

    If you really care for her, it's up to you to stick around and be supportive if you want those walls to come down.
     
  3. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    :werd: You need to slow it down on the talking thing too. You aren't even in a relationship so there's no need to talk to each other everyday. Sometimes that happens in the beginning when you meet someone you really like. You talk all the time but then you realize that you aren't giving each other space. Don't try to see her or talk to her everyday, go out and do your own thing too.
     
  4. drinkdran0

    drinkdran0 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    1,099
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    so. cal
    ahh mind games who knows what she's trying to do :/
     
  5. MoP

    MoP New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2003
    Messages:
    25,043
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toon Town, Canada
    sounds like she likes you so much that shes worried about smothering you and scaring you away
     
  6. Kylar

    Kylar Just call me Proper

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2001
    Messages:
    159
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    she likes him so much she blows him off for the weekend :ugh2: ...bullshit

    I think she likes you but wanted to go out and do her own thing for the weekend without you, but didnt want to hurt your feelings.

    let me know if I was right



    oh, I'm not a chic, but thats my thought
     
  7. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

    Joined:
    May 27, 2005
    Messages:
    1,501
    Likes Received:
    0
    She wants you to make yourself less available to her.

    Remember: Attraction = Value + Availability + Compliance

    If you become less available to her, she will be more attracted to you.
     
  8. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Dot. This post has nailed it.

    I was in the same situation w/ my ex. We clicked instantly, everything was cool, and then she starts cancelling on me, giving me fucking shady ass excuses, and then when I confronted her she would say stuff like "it's moving too fast and I'm scared/been hurt before/etc." My ex ended up being the most manipulative, game-playing girl I've ever met. To her credit, she was very, very good at it. I think I learned to recognize just about every trick in the book from her.

    Girls with a high interest level do not cancel plans. Do not go by what she says. Go by what she DOES.

    If she cancels on you, do not chase her. She's playing games and that's what she wants you to do. If she cancels or ignores you, chalk it up to her being a basket case and move on or ignore her.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    She sounds like I used to be. Afraid to make any kind of real connection, at least so fast. Either way, she definitely sounds like she likes you, you just have to gain her trust slowly. I would never condone saying you should ignore her by any means, that would just be adding games and that's lame. But at least ease her fears by saying you really like her and will move slower if that's what she's worried about. Don't call as much, etc. After a while she will realize you're still in it for her and hopefully get over her fear.
     
  10. NCS

    NCS Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2002
    Messages:
    5,777
    Likes Received:
    0
    sounds to me that she likes you and either 1- is a headcase and actually likes you so much she's freaking out, or 2- is a normal girl and you are too available, she is losing interest.

    i'm going with 2 on my gut reaction here.

    AND WHILE I'M AT IT, A NOTE TO ALL MEN:

    STOP MICRO-MANAGING STUFF. worry about the bigger picture. it doesnt matter what one sentence here and there are, moods change from minutes to minutes, etc. look at the big picture and focus on your game.

    the only exception to this rule is when you're back home and you want to analyze your game (not what happened from her point of view). then, micro manage all you want, get it out of your system, write down what you did right and wrong, and push forward.
     
  11. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    I am officially going on record (the way Viper used to) and predicting that, if this turns into a serious relationship, he will be back here posting more threads of "why is my gf acting crazy/giving mixed signals/etc.?"

    I base this on one simple fact:

    Girls with high interest levels do not cancel plans (unless there is a DAMN good reason).

    "I'm afraid of liking you too much" is NOT a good reason. Do you know why? People LOVE that. They love "good feelings." There is no reason to avoid them unless there is something else going on, such as a) she's seeing/banging someone else or b) she's not that into you and she's playing games.

    Seriously. A classy and/or interested person would have at least given him the reason beforehand (because she would have been afraid of you thinking she was a flake otherwise). "Hey, busydoingnothing, I'm sorry I can't talk/hangout/whatever tonight but x, y and z happened. But I'd love to talk to you on (insert future date)." Even then you're getting excuses, but it's classier, and less game playing and dramatic.
     
  12. 93Akkord

    93Akkord New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2006
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Coral Springs, FL
    Happen to me a couple of months ago, it was a lame excuse to break it off with me. That's how it was for me, I'm not saying that's how it is gonna be for you.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Exactly. A lot of times we hear stories in here that genuinely sound like the girl/guy is just not that interested in the person they're seeing-then we all say to lose and get over them because it can't go anywhrre. But this girl has admittedly told him she likes him, she just has some deep-rooted trust issues I'm guessing. She shouldn't be tossed aside. If this guy truly likes her I don't see why he can't fight a little for what he wants. And in this case fighting would just mean not moving too fast; not that hard to do.
     
  14. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    There will be other shady stuff she does in the near future if he continues with her. He will justify it as being "oh, she's just afraid because she's been hurt before." I did the EXACT same thing.
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Again Falconer, not all your personal experiences match other people's. You have absolutely no idea if that same thing will happen to this kid. You don't know him, the girl, or the full situation.

    More importantly, let him do what he wants to do, that's the only way people ever grow and learn.
     
  16. otherlank

    otherlank OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2006
    Messages:
    22,174
    Likes Received:
    0
    not ALL girls are the same though. To counter your experience, I did date a girl that was just afraid of moving too fast. No games. I just had to take it a little slower with her. When she opened up to me, it turned out to be the best relationship I've ever had.
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Yep, In fact my current SO and I got together right after getting out of relationships. He had just been out of a long one where he lived with the girl and I was still wary of anything remotely serious- but things at first were great! But then he started to panic that things were going to fast. I had no idea he felt that way but we talked about it and agreed not to move too quickly....now we've been together 8 months or so and have the best relationship I've ever had.
     
  18. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    You are correct. There are exceptions.

    The reason I thought the way I did was because of how he described her behavior. If you think things are "moving too fast" there are different ways to handle it.

    Anyway, good luck to the OP.
     
  19. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    I call bullshit right there.... no way in hell she came up to Lansing to party. Or at least if she did, that proves she's not right in the head. There isn't SHIT to do here, party-wise :mamoru:
     
  20. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2006
    Messages:
    3,266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan
    Update. So I told her today that I'm fine with taking things slow, and that I don't want to rush anything and make her uncomfortable, and I just asked her one thing, to be honest with me. Sooo...

    Her: Well, I honestly have been thinking that I shouldn't get involved with another self proclaimed emotionally unavailable man. I don't know why I constantly set myself up to be with the least responsive or open members of society, but somehow I always seem to find them and adore them.
    Me: Is that how you really feel about it all?
    Her: I don't really know how I feel about it all
    Her: I feel like I like you, so yeah.

    Her: No, I guess I just... I didn't break up with my boyfriend because of anything having to do with you. I broke up with my boyfriend because I wasn't over my last one.
    Her: And I don't want to have some stupid superficial thing with you.
    Her: In case that wasn't already abundantly obvious.
    Me: Superficial how?
    Her: Like some stupid fling that is pointless and ends after a couple months
    Her: Because really, how else could it end, with me still in love with some douche bag.
    Me: I never expected that anyway.
    Me: But you're right.
    Me: I can't argue with that.
    Her: I mean, I like you more than that.
    Me: To have a meaningless fling?
    Her: Ha, yeah.
    Her: Plus I think those are stupid anyway.

    Me: I can't compete with old flames...but fuck, <Name>, I can't just walk away.
    Her: Aw man, so don't.
    Me: And I don't just want to be your friend.
    Me: But that's not my decision to make.
    Her: yeah, I know.

    The part about breaking up with the boyfriend is that she was dating this guy for a few months before we started talking, and was still pretty much with him when we started.

    So that's that. I don't know. Part of me wants to run like hell, part of me is so fucking insecure that I think it wouldn't take long before she's sick of me, and a big part of me is in pain at the thought of just letting it all go. Women are fucking nuts. Why do I put myself through this?
     
  21. otherlank

    otherlank OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2006
    Messages:
    22,174
    Likes Received:
    0
    you never said before that you told her you were emotionally unavailable. no wonder she is terrified of liking you.

    You have to at least make her know that you care about her and want more than just a fling...you want a relationship.

    BUT, you are still going to take things slow. She can't open up to you if she thinks she's going to get rejected eventually.
     
  22. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

    Joined:
    May 27, 2005
    Messages:
    1,501
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ugh. You need to invest less in her... she clearly doesn't know what she wants. Tell her "OK! well, lets keep in touch!" and then go meet some other women. If she comes around... great. If not, you've got other options.
     
  23. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    You should have told us that stuff in your first post. We can't give you the best advice if we don't know the whole situation. You being emotionally unavailable and her still being in love with an ex are pretty important points. It sounds like neither of you is ready to be in a relationship.

    What exactly did you mean when you told her you were emotionally unavailable? It sounds like you are getting kind of attached to her :dunno:
     
  24. GanglyGoodness

    GanglyGoodness .

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2006
    Messages:
    1,668
    Likes Received:
    0
    You should take a step back and let her figure her shit out; let her come to you. Otherwise these games she is playing will eat you up inside. And DO NOT let her confide in you about that guy she says she is still in love with - otherwise you will endup being "that guy".
     
  25. :smile:

    :smile: New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    3,010
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    i agree with you but i think since he had been talking to her all the time he was worried that he hadnt heard from her.

    i've been with my bf 2 years & we talk on the phone at least once everyday & if we arent on the phone or with eacher we have seperate plans which is ok but we expect the other person to call in if we need a ride home if we're drinking or something.
     

Share This Page