Kind of disappointing story - what to do?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Nev, Jan 16, 2007.

  1. Nev

    Nev OT Supporter

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    I'm not sure how to approach a situation like this, but I'm thinking I'll probably just stay away. Anyway, here's the story from last night:

    Some friends and I went out to some bars last night and as soon as I walk in and am paying my cover I notice this incredible looking girl talking to her friend doing the shy/smile/look at me thing. I make sure she doesn't notice me noticing at that point, because I'll get to her in a little while. Anyway, for about the next hour or so, I would catch her looking at me and everytime I caught her doin this, I'd throw her a smile and she'd do the same back.

    A bit later, I'm at the bar getting a drink and as I walk away she kinda taps me on the back of the arm (I didnt even know she was there at the time). So of course I stop to talk and we hit it off great. We talk for the rest of the night, which was a good 3 hours or so. Well, at about the 2-2.5 hour mark in mid-conversation, she says "ok, I really have to tell you this, please don't hate me" and blah blah blah. So I ask her what, and she tells me that she has a boyfriend. Again...whatever, fine..that sucks but i'm cool with it...I tell her that and we continue on talking etc just as we were before. She really seemed like she didn't want to tell me that, but felt that she had to.

    This probably doesn't sound too odd at this point, but the things she was saying to me put me in an awkward spot.

    -She's a bartender at another bar here and asked me about 4 times to come see her at work this weekend. She told me the days and hours she worked.
    -"I really thought I was happy with my boyfriend..."
    -"You probably hate me now, and you're a great looking guy, you can go find tons of girls in this bar...why should you keep talking to me?"
    -"I'm going to end up getting myself in trouble tonight"

    She was saying CONSTANT shit like that and was flirting in EVERY way possible with a lot of body contact. But, being a nice guy, I didn't try to do anything.

    At the end of the night when I'm about to leave, I say bye to her and she gives me a kiss on the cheek and asks for my #. I give it to her and that's that. My friends and I leave, get back to the apartment, and party for a bit more. At about 4am, I get a text message from her saying "Goodnight Matt =)".

    So how the fuck do I approach a situation like this without being a heartless dickhead? She seemed happy with her bf, they've been together a year. She was an extremely down to earth and sweet girl and just fucking beautiful, so obviously I would like to get to know her better. Normally I can just shrug girls like that off and just never talk to them, but this chick had somethin that got me good :o
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2007
  2. trev.the.enemy

    trev.the.enemy New Member

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    If you're the type to hit it and quit it, that sounds like the most feasible solution.

    She obviously doesn't sound like she'd be a good gf. I'm not the hit it and quit it type so I can't give you much advice there.. but.. as far as relationship goes ever, I'd say hells no.
     
  3. whamola

    whamola Tonight....you.

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    That's a tough situation, man. I went through kinda the same thing before I dated my last girl. Everything clicked...but shit didn't work out in the end. Not saying it's not a good idea...just saying that I know where you're coming from.
     
  4. taternuts

    taternuts New Member

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    Just be friends with her for a while. Obviously she is bored with her boy, otherwise she wouldn't have been hitting on you all hardcore-like.
     
  5. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    Just be friends ? She said she wasn't happy with her guy, he could man up and act coherently with what he wants (which means NOT being friends but maybe say that she needs to take care of some stuff before hand) and maybe he'll have a shot at it. If she doesn't, just move on. It's a pretty bad idea to get close to someone as a friend if it's not what you want, it's just going to end up shitty for everyone.
     
  6. Nev

    Nev OT Supporter

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    She seemed happy with him.
     
  7. dbman96

    dbman96 Active Member

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    Not to oversimplify or be negative, but she's an attention whore. She's perfectly happy in her relationship but something in her emotional state NEEDS the thrill of being pursued. This isn't someone you want to get involved with, if that's what you're asking. If you don't mind being "the guy she's messing around with even though she's happy with her boyfriend" then go for it. But I wouldn't expect her to be dumping him any time soon, and if she does, I wouldn't expect her to be faithful to you for long.

    Girls like that are great at making you feel GREAT about yourself, because they know that you'll return the favor. You feel like you're on top of the world, but honestly, if it wasn't you it would have been some other guy, and every night at the bar she works at, it probably IS some other guy. She needs the attention and she knows how to get it.

    If all that is cool with you, then full steam ahead. It all depends on what you're looking for.
     
  8. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    You said she said "she thought she was happy with him". I personally would prefer to risk losing her as a friend than to feel unhappy to be "just" friends.
     
  9. fray

    fray New Member

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    then back off....
     
  10. danlhinz

    danlhinz New Member

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    She wouldn't be coming on to you if she didn't like you. Get her to break up with her bf. Fuck being friends, fuck being a nice guy, assholes finish first.
     
  11. Nev

    Nev OT Supporter

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    That's one approach I have considered.
     
  12. Hunt

    Hunt Active Member

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    Tough situation; but I personally am not one to intrude upon another guy's girlfriend, no matter their own situation. Just imagine if you were that other guy - would feel like shit :dunno:
     
  13. enfiniti

    enfiniti How firm thy friendship ... OHIO!

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    sounds like decent girl to fool around with but if you are looking for something serious this has to be a joke...
     
  14. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    fuck. women are whores
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Leave her alone. Do you want to possibly get involved with a woman who you know seeks attention from other men while she is with someone?

    And if you do try to break them up, you're the asshole type of guy who isn't man enough to respect someone else's relationship.

    There's no upside.
     
  16. dbman96

    dbman96 Active Member

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    constructive post. :rolleyes:
     
  17. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    My personal philosophy is if they do it with you, they will do it to you. More often than not, people leave you how they met you (be it friends or boyfriends...well girlfriends for you, etc.)

    People who find it okay to do things like that (despite the constant apologizing, she KNEW she was out of line) are not quality or genunine indiviudals. People who can do that don't discriminate, you will get burned at some point or another by her.

    I know you said she was cool and you clicked and everything, but it sounds like she has maturing to do before she can be in an actual serious relationship, and from what you described of how your recieved her...you're far ahead of her. For your own good, I'd stay away.
     
  18. XERQ

    XERQ Guest

    run dude

    she's a clingy attention whore who will screw you over (in the bad way)
     
  19. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    She approached you. She asked for your number.

    You hung around and talked to her and didn't make time for other people.

    All of that has most likely killed her interest.

    You have to strike while the iron is hot. Its obvious she wanted some action right then and there. You had to make a decision (can I nail this chick who has a boyfriend) then act accordingly.

    If you had decided to fuck her, then you have to take charge instead of letting her lead the interaction. Forget numbers, you should have taken her somewhere else and fucked her right then.

    Now she's had time to cool off and who knows what is going on in her life. The chances of her actually calling you and the two of you actually getting together and her actually getting horny for you again are pretty slim, wouldn't you agree?

    Situational awareness. This is a big one to learn. Until you can see the situation clearly while it is happening, you will continue to miss opportunities.

    A hot girl talking to you is not success. A hot girl asking for your number is not success. Unless you take charge and lead the interaction, the chances of you getting the result you want (in this case fucking her) is low. And the fucked up part is that its actually what you both wanted but is she going to make a move and take you to a motel? Not likely, but could you have taken her to one? Most probably.

    edit: Ok I just realized you have her # because she sent you a text.

    Do not text her back. Do not chat with her over text or telephone.

    Again, she has a boyfriend. So you can either wait for her to break it off with him (break the above rule once to let her know that you would like to spend time with her buy only when she is single),

    or you can decide you don't care about the boyfriend. In that case, call her up and invite her on a date (see the Anti-Dump's Machine thread for specifics if you get confused on how to handle this) and take it from there.

    Its up to you.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2007
  20. Maffy29

    Maffy29 Active Member

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    If she's a bartender in State College, she's definitely dating a douchebag.

    I wish I had more advice than that, but I don't. Good luck.
     
  21. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    and do not, under any circumstances, go hang out at her bar. Unless you bring a chick with you.
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    rofl, your advice truly makes me cringe.

    Look buddy. This girl knew good and well what she was doing. She's a hot bartender, which means she is outgoing and flirtacious. She also approached you and got your number. She also annoying not only pointed out that she has a boyfriend and that what she was doing was probably wrong (which it was), but still threw her morals to the wind by then getting your number, texting you, and telling you to come see her at the bar anyway. How would you feel if you were in the boyfriend's shoes? Sure, you probably don't give a shit about him (and I'm not saying you need to) but just consider how many fucking times she has done this.

    In other words, it's one thing if you just want to fuck her and help her cheat on her boyfriend...but from the sounds of it you genuinely were interested in her. And if that's the case you've got a real problem because you shouldn't even pursue her unless she broke up with her bf for you. Until she does you would start your relationship on horribly rocky terrain and it most likely would not work out at all. More importantly I'm sure it wouldn't because she's been with this guy a year and actually said how happy they were. A very bad but possible scenario would be her breaking up with him for you...and then later realizing she missed him and what they had and then cheating on you with him.....So yeah. Think wisely about what you want and how you want to pursue this.
     
  23. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    She's a smart woman. She has a man who fulfills her every sexual need, and lots of sucker guys like you with whom she can have meaningful and non-sexual talks with for hours on end. She invited you to come entertain her at her place of work to help keep the asshats who hit on her at bay, and with any luck you'll be buying her drinks the next time you go out.

    Smart woman. Lots of dumb guys.

    Next time you find out a woman has a boyfriend, be polite but excuse yourself from the situation. Think about how you deserve better, and how INCREDIBLY disrespectful of a person she is to be out hitting on other men while he's away. I would *immediately* kick any women to the curb who did that to me. Respect is huge. She's got none. You need to get some.

    You deserve better. A LOT better.
     
  24. Nev

    Nev OT Supporter

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    I didn't buy her a single drink the first night, and If we went out some night as friends, I'd buy her the same amount of drinks I bought my other friends...I'm definitely not a sucker of a guy when it comes to shit like that. I'll just go to her bar sometime and bullshit with her and probably get some free drinks for myself. It's a bar I go to occasionally anyway.

    Also, her boyfriend works there too, just on seperate nights...she's not using me to be an 'asshat' shield...I wouldn't let something liek that happen anyway.

    I don't want to marry the girl like some of you are makign it sound...i'm in college and always love to meet new people and she was awesome in the time that I talked to her.

    After reading some replies, some of you analyze shit far too much.
     
  25. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Is it weird that I agree 100% with both you and him?

    Two posts = two sides of the same coin :)
     

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