Key to happy relationship = cuddle v.article

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Nov 9, 2008.

  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    too long to copy paste and would require too much adding of paragraphs and deleting of ads so just click the link yo

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27559348/

    Cliff's
    - cuddling with a chick after sex = chemical stuff that makes her bond with you


    Kinda funny how it works like that. The only chick I haven't wanted to cuddle with was a FWB. Maybe it's cuz subconsciously I knew I didn't want to be with her so I was subconsciously preventing bonding with her. All my gfs i loved cuddling with.
     
  2. kronik85

    kronik85 New Member

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    Seeking satisfaction? Find a cuddler
    While women are wired to snuggle, men are wired to get up and go
    By Ian Kerner, Ph.D.
    Sex therapist and relationship counselor
    TODAYShow.com contributor
    updated 3:48 p.m. ET, Thurs., Nov. 6, 2008


    “Did the last four and a half hours mean nothing to you?”
    — Charlotte of “Sex and the City,” shouting at a guy she just hooked up with.


    Unlike the executives at Enron, a woman’s orgasm never lies. It can tell a woman the truth about a sexual encounter, often whether she wants to know it or not. That’s because the female orgasm releases a burst of oxytocin, also known as the “cuddle hormone,” which facilitates a sense of attachment. But if there’s nothing to attach to, if there’s no deeper emotional content or meaningfulness, the orgasm becomes a regretful reminder of the hollowness of the sex that preceded it.

    This is called “post-orgasm regret,” and it typically manifests itself in the form of sadness or anger. Ladies, if you’ve ever felt a pang of sorrow following a sexually gratifying (i.e., orgasmic) experience, it’s most likely post-orgasmic regret. (And what if you’re not having orgasms at all? Well then, you may be experiencing “post-faking regret” — regretting that you helped the jerk have his while you faked yours. But that’s a different article altogether.) Orgasm or not, be aware that sex results in your body inching toward some emotional connection, even as your brain may be saying “What the hell I am doing in bed with this guy?” So trust your orgasm.

    Men also experience their own version of post-orgasmic regret, but in a different way — not as a sense of anger or sadness, but as a desire to get up and go. From an evolutionary perspective, men are wired to “spread their seed,” but they also know that not every woman they spread their seed with is necessarily one that they would like to hang out and mate with. Just because he spreads some seed doesn’t mean he’s interested in planting any roots.

    So a woman can learn a lot about a guy in the minutes following his orgasm — is he a “cuddler,” a “snorer” or an “up-and-outer”?
    The cuddler is a rare breed; generally guys do most of their cuddling in the early days of courtship and infatuation, when he’s made a decision that you’re the one. But sometimes a guy can also be a “faux-cuddler” when you’re first getting intimate with each other, so cuddle with caution.

    But even if your cuddler is a keeper, he’s likely to turn into a “snorer.” Most of us guys end up becoming snorers, even if we don’t actually snore, but simply turn over and fall asleep. (It’s hard to fight biology.) Post-orgasm, prolactin levels spike, which contributes to a sense of sleepiness. Also, men have to work hard to produce the “explosive orgasm,” aka ejaculation, in order to potentially inseminate a woman (even if that’s not the intention). Hence, guys are often exhausted, dazed and depleted post-sex and require a refractory period (an interval of time) before they can get another erection. If your guy is a snorer, or just gives you the turn-over, cut him some slack, but also go ahead and give him a tap on the shoulder and remind him of the snuggler he used to be.

    What can be said about the “up-and-outer,” the guy who, right after sex, suddenly has to organize his DVDs or go pick up his dry-cleaning?
    As the proverb goes, fool me, once shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. If he’s up and out, think long and hard before letting him back in.
    Ian Kerner is a sex therapist, relationship counselor and New York Times best-selling author of numerous books, including “She Comes First” and the soon-to-be-published “Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parents’ Guide to Getting It On Again.” He was born and raised in New York City, where he lives with his wife and two sons. He can be reached at www.IanKerner.com

    © 2008 MSNBC Interactive
     
  3. kronik85

    kronik85 New Member

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    i'd agree to it, there's something special about cuddling post sex, being childish and loving. with a friends with benefits, i just kinda lay there and watch TV till she leaves. i don't want to build a strong attachmen tand there's no desire for cuddling. just a nice warm body.
     
  4. Tedrzz

    Tedrzz New Member

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    I love to cuddle with my girlfriend after sex. I think it makes it better.
     
  5. Suffocation

    Suffocation Guest

    She ALWAYS liked it for my ex. I can see how it's fun, but she'd want to do it forever. I'd be like, "uhh...game's on come on". :cool:
     
  6. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    I'm a guy and hate being touched after sex generally, I usually want to get up and go or atleast put my underwear back on and lay down and go to sleep.

    even though I know I should cuddle, most of the time I can't bring myself to do it.

    Its very rare that I find a girl that I WANT to cuddle with after sex, naked and fall asleep wrapped up in eachother, but it seems like when I do those are the most meaningful relationships and the best sex.

    all this stems a phrase between my friends... "I'd fuck her, but I wouldnt cuddle afterwards" kinda stupid but who knew it was all scientific.
     
  7. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    i'm not really into cuddling :dunno:

    maybe like during a movie or something (at home).
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd:

    After sex I like to chill out
     
  9. bearsdidit

    bearsdidit OT Supporter

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    i'm a cuddling machine. MACHINE.
     
  10. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    :rofl::rofl: yeah after sex i really want my own space... and i'd rather have someone play with my hair or rub my back than actually cuddle. i guess i don't have the romantic gene hardwired in me
     
  11. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

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    i don't like cuddling after sex most of the time
     
  12. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    i prefer to be the big spoon. but shhhh don't tell my bf i told you guys this. :nono:
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :eek3: .

    I love maybe having a light touch on my back or hair, but cuddling is usually the last thing I want to do after sex. My current boyfriend is actually a cuddle whore surprisingly. He's the first guy I've been with that wants to cuddle and I'm just like :ugh: :mamoru:
     
  14. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I always loved to cuddle. And I noticed that while the cuddling lasted, our relationship was cement solid. When those things went by the wayside, it coincided with it falling apart.

    Not saying that is what caused it (I know it wasn't). Just saying that it was a sign that the relationship was going sour.
     
  15. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :big grin:
     
  16. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    I actually did notice the correlation with my last GF. She and I didnt cuddle much the last few months of it, we still had sex but no cuddling. Sometimes, I think cuddling is more intimate for obvious reasons but thats def. the first thing to disappear when a relationship is on the rocks.
     
  17. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    I think the guy I've been on a few dates with is a cuddler. This might be interesting. :x: One time after I got done getting it on with this guy he tried to cuddle up next to me and I said "I've got a pretty big bed. There should be plenty of room!" :mamoru:

    Edit: To clarify, I'm talking about 2 different guys here!
     
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2008
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :bowrofl:
     
  19. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    I ABSOLUTLY LOVE to cuddle after sex. But after like 3 minutes of it, he gets up and goes to eat something or just falls asleep.:wtc:
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    :rofl: I'm going to start saying that :rofl:
     
  21. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Have you ever wanted to cuddle with a guy after sex or just not your current bf?

    What if the guy had an 8 pack abs? Then would you want to cuddle after sex? :mamoru:
     
  22. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    LOLOL. This is the part I don't like about cuddling when he cuddles me from behind with his hands on my belly, oops, I get insecure:big grin:
     
  23. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I've never heard the term "big spoon" before. That's the person out the outside, right? Hehe.
     
  24. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    then how do you cuddle on the couch while watching tv/movie?
     
  25. Punky72

    Punky72 New Member

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    I like to cuddle for a little bit then I like to turn over and go to sleep and so does he. I am one of those rare women who does NOT like to talk after because I feel like that just ruins the nostalgic moment...:coolugh:
     

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