SRS Just when you think it can't get any worse...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by 00600, Nov 9, 2007.

  1. 00600

    00600 New Member

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    It does...

    Some of you may have read my post a few weeks ago about breaking up with my girlfriend, issues with my son, issues with my childhood, etc.

    I can't remember if I mentioned it, but I lost my uncle back in March, he had a stroke, collapsed, and did some pretty serious brain damage when he hit his head, my cousin had to pull him off life support.

    Last week I found out my 91 year old grandmother has cancer (for the 4th time), my father is losing his health insurance/pension/disability insurance because the company he worked for was bought out by a media conglomerate and they decided to boost their profits by cutting a large portion of the benefits.

    My father has been fighting a losing battle with Hepatitis C for the last decade, Interferon-A (~$5K) once a week, not to mention he'll probably need a transplant within the next 5 years (if he lives that long).

    Imagine watching your father slowly die from a disease/chemo for a decade, after going through cancer/chemo yourself... I almost want to just disappear, to leave everything and everyone. But at the same time I love him so much, I can't do that to him. What hurts the most is that he's been there for me through all my bullshit, never judging, always giving good advise, letting me make my own mistakes if I'm too stubborn to listen... And after everything I try, I still haven't accomplished shit except to get myself deeper in crap and be a burden to him....

    And this morning my 21 year old cat almost drowned in her water bowl, she's got really bad hips, and is going into kidney failure... She outlived 1 other cat, and 4 dogs..... My parents had her put to sleep when she couldn't stand up on her own, this afternoon while I was at work, we knew it was coming, just not this week.


    On a brighter note, last month I accepted a job in my dream field, working for a great, stable company, making three times as much as I have ever made working for someone....

    In the last 12 months I've gone from not knowing where my next paycheck was coming from, working my ass off to start a business, finishing my AS degree, living with the woman of my dreams, and having my family constantly comment behind my back about how proud they are of me...

    To having more money than I can spend, but losing/ knowing I will soon lose everything I care about.....

    It wasn't my goal, I didn't set out to give up everything for this job, in fact, I never would have gotten the job if I hadn't broken up with my girlfriend and been at the right place at the right time....

    Do I wish I could go back? .... If you know the devil's phone number, have him call me, I've got a soul to sell.
     
  2. SpectreMatrix

    SpectreMatrix New Member

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    Brother, sparing all the details which you don't need to hear. I know EXACTLY how you feel. This world is full of suffering, loss and pain. But I promise you this, one day the sun will rise again on a wonderful day for you and there will be peace for you then. All the pain and darkness that you feel pushing down on you now will wash away like it was never there.. The devil has nothing to offer you for your soul.

    You will find your path again and you will be not only yourself and have all those things you care about. But you will have more than you can imagine, and not because of your financial success, its because you realize what really matters. Love and support those around you, be yourself and you will find the way out of this dark time.

    My hope and prayers are with you.
     
  3. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    :werd:
     
  4. Legend Zero

    Legend Zero OT Supporter

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    point is man that you can't go back, look foward, not backwards... there isn't much you can to but learn from the past and move foward, never take 2 steps back or look back in regret, learn from it, appreciate it, dwell on it only long enough to learn from it than move foward man...

    what else is there to do right?
     
  5. 00600

    00600 New Member

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    I'd rather go through weekly ABVD chemo treatments and be forced to give blowjobs to my "friend" for the next decade, than to go through this one more day of this.

    It takes every fucking ounce of willpower I have to keep from walking out of my job and just saying fuckit.

    I've got all my bills paid for the next 6 months, and $2K in the bank, the most financially stable I've ever been in my life. And it doesn't mean shit to me.
     

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