SRS Just wanted some general advice....

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by blackgrrl23, May 23, 2005.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2003
    Messages:
    28,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    My situation, in a nutshell.....

    I'm 26 with a 2-almost-3 year old son. I have a decent job but not enough to get an apartment on by myself. Here in the DC metro area, apartments average ~1200 for a 2 bedroom. I have a chance to room with my best friend for very little rent, but here lies the problem....my parents.

    Since I currently live with them (I pay very little rent, bu help alot around the house, cook dinner, etc.) they are playing the you live-here-our-rules game.....the main sticking point is if I want to go ANYWHERE on a work night (mon-thurs), I have to ASK them first. Come on now, I'm 26 not 12!!!!Trust me, I tried reasoning and speaking to them many times, but they back off for maybe a day or 2, then try to control me again. They said they won't *let* me move out unless I can afford my own place, but that will take another year or so. I can't take living there anymore, so should I just leave??? :dunno:

    If I leave, I would be so much freer (if that's a word) but if I stay i have to endure their stupid rules.....

    thanks :)

    EDIT: fyi, I did have my own place but had to move back due to being laid off.... :wtc:
     
  2. Braddlac

    Braddlac OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2004
    Messages:
    11,289
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    souptime
    youre 26. move out and get an appartment with your best friend.
     
  3. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    25,647
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    dca -> nyc -> sfo -> san -> phl
    well unfortunately i don't think you have much of a choice. I had fairly lenient parents but when I was living at home at 23, I did have to behave and follow their rules.

    independence is fun but you don't have a good paying job and have a child... i think you should be grateful that your parents are taking you in and you're not on public assitance...
     
  4. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2003
    Messages:
    28,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA

    I will, but my parents think if their grandson is not in their view at all times, then something is going on. They swear like a lot of bad things are going on in front of him (i.e. drinking, etc.) but I DON'T DO that type of stuff anymore, except for the occasional beer with dinner or something. I am afraid they will try to call child protective services on me or somethingf dumb like that. It isn't so much they care what I do, the feel like they need to protect him....but it makes me think that they think I am not able to raise my own son. :squint:
     
  5. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2003
    Messages:
    28,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    True that. :)

    I just feel now that I have an opportunity to go on and take care of myself again, I *should* go do that...it's just my parents are too overbearing and they admitted it themselves. They simply don't listen to me when I speak. :|
     
  6. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2003
    Messages:
    7,347
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    This is really a no win situation until later. If you move out, its not like your parents are out of the picture, so you really can't run from that problem. If you stay there, the problem persists.

    So what do you do. Obviously they have a lack of trust in you that you are ready to take care of your child, or to live on your own. They do that only because they are lookin out for you, can't blame em, you'd probably do the same for your child as well.

    The only thing you CAN do, is just use the time you have, and prove them wrong. Work a little harder to be financially stable, show them you can do everything they think you can't. Even yourself you know in about a year you can do it all, prove it to them. For now, just appreciate the help they are giving you, and work everything out. Use the next year to YOUR advantage... because once your out on your own, your out on your own. You've already done it for 26 years, another year isn't gonna kill you, but make SURE you get what you need to get done, done. :)
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I think that the problem is that you are too wild. I think your parents life is far more strictly organised and that that's the reason why they are living a more succesfull life then you do. They seem to be more in 'tune' with the realities of life then you are. Anyway what the advice conserns, you know small towns just outside dc are probably considerable more cheaper, and a car could always bring you back to the big city(if you needed to shop or participate with your job) you would benefit from the low costs and peace that you find outside the city, and benefit from all the things a city can offer without the monsterious experience of high costs. Your job is questionable towards the amount of money you earn, and the hours you make. Of course you have a kid to take care of. I would personally stay in the parents house, and enjoy the comodities, to me it only seems as a small sacrifice to obey to rules in order to be provided with a roof,bed,food,place to stay. I mean its a great place for your child too at the moment. Your kid needs attention, and you need to hook up with a rich reliable nice guy who is willing to support and provide you and your child with everything you need. You need to focus on your child and what is best for your son. Now your parents house sounds like a pretty big place, and im sure you would have to set rules yourself if you where at another place or apartment too.

    I would go on my knees and be gratefull to your parents , then kneel and kiss their toes for still willing to take you into their house.

    -better paying job
    -someone to take care of the kid
    -a good place to stay/a future for your kid.
    -stability/plus a set of rules to maintain it.

    I think you have to understand that your parents haven't set these rules out for you to bug you, but because they love you. Parents get worried a lot and very fast your stil their child you know, and for me that's only normal. I would advice you to take your time and let your grandparents enjoy their grandson.
     
  8. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2003
    Messages:
    7,347
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    :ugh: are you serious?

    you're trying to tell her she needs to find a rich guy for help? :ugh:
     
  9. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    25,647
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    dca -> nyc -> sfo -> san -> phl
    agreed, that has to be one of the worst pieces of advice to every come across my eyes.

    just because the guy is not loaded doesn't mean he's not going to be a loving and competent parent.
     
  10. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2003
    Messages:
    28,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    I have to agree with that one :ugh:
     
  11. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2003
    Messages:
    28,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    You are absolutely right, but my problem is that I am not wild, I just am tired of depending on other people for everything and want to do things for myself and my son. I don't ask for help, it is given to me. It's not that I don't appreciate the help, I have always been an independent person. When you are my age and you still live with your parents, there is a huge stigma attached to that. They just told me whether I stay or go, they will always love me, but if I were to go, there is no coming back.
     
  12. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2003
    Messages:
    7,347
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    That just further proves my point, that if there is no coming back, even more-so you have to use the next year to your advantage to get ready for it, emotionally and financially. Like I said, you already know you can do it in a year, set yourself up, then go. You have what.. 50-60 years ahead of you? 1 year is not gonna hurt :)
     
  13. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2003
    Messages:
    28,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA

    I will probably do this, but one more thing...my best friend will be insulted if I dont move over. How should I tell her I am not coming (if I choose to do so)? :dunno: I don't want to insult her...
     
  14. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2003
    Messages:
    7,347
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    That your financially just not ready to move out. Simple. She'll probably play the friend role and offer to help you more out financially, or even offer you to live there for free! :noes: BUT! You tell her that you don't want to put that burden on such a good friend. Which im assuming you wouldn't.
     
  15. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2003
    Messages:
    28,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    I don't :) She already offered for me to move in rent-free for the first month :noes:
     
  16. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2003
    Messages:
    7,347
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    Exactly. Which is what most friends do, but just relay to her that you wouldn't feel right having her pay your way basically. I doubt she can get mad at you for that ;)
     
  17. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Maby i typed in a way that could be misinterpreted , but that's of course not what i meant.

    I think both of you agree with me ,when i say that living in a big city can be an expensive joke for a single mother with a child. And that hooking up with someone who has a good financial backbone who is willing to support her would be a advantage to her aid.

    I don't know where you 2 people came to the assumption that i 'claimed' to say that 'oh if your poor, your not human' and not good enough. That is of course not the case. But from her situation seen ' she has a kid + she needs to work to financially support herself + the kid' it only follows logically , that if she would have a financial strong partner, that she maby could work less hours, so that she is more available to spend time with her kid, that she would be able to endure the high apartment costs, and that she is able to have the financial strenght to move out of the house. These things cost money you know, and yes rather be poor + loved , then to be rich and hated.

    Why would such advice (civic) in this added context be the worst you ever laid your eyes on?
     
  18. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    My advice to you would be to say to your friend the plain simple truth. Hey listen your offer is great, but my pockets are empty and i can't financially pay for the appartment you are staying in, maby you can still find another person ,or maby that in the future for some reason the situation will change which will enable you to move in with her anyway, but that at the moment you are flat broke, and that you are sorry but that the deal is off. :o
     
  19. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2003
    Messages:
    7,347
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    Yes you have a point here for sure. That yes, IF she found someone financially stable it would help. But thats in a perfect world...

    Neither you nor I know her past experience with guys, and im going off the assumption thats not an option as since shes a single mother, it was probably a bad experience. But I don't see anyway, anyhow, you could give advice to an independant person who is trying to get by for herself advice to look to someone for help. You don't go into relationships because you NEED help. That's a really bad reason to look.

    As for her situation, this help should be coming from her family, where it already IS coming from, and thats how it should be.
     
  20. shankems2000

    shankems2000 If you read everybody's user text and location, yo

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2004
    Messages:
    4,095
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Where you fraid ta be at.
    You have to start looking for a better paying job. Start saving a little nest egg now if you can, so when you do move out, you'll have a little emergency fund if you're short on rent for a month or two to get you by before you straighten out.

    I'm kinda sorta in the same situation, just alot younger. The first step to leaving the house is finding a stable job that pays enough for you to live on.

    Ouch 1200 a month, rent is too expensive. You can't find a 1 bedroom apt that's cheaper? I know you want your child to have his own bedroom, but with rent that high it's probably not going to be possible just yet.

    After you complete that the rest of your problems may be solved.
     
  21. RachTyrTaiya

    RachTyrTaiya New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2008
    Messages:
    61
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Arlington,TX
    You said you have to ask them to go out . . . are you asking them to just go out, or babysit your child while you go out?

    Either way, just stay there. I know it has to suck living w/ your parents and raise your child but the alternative would suck even more...
     
  22. 2500

    2500 Guest

    Bottom line.... you are 26, they have no control over you, move out ASAP.
     
  23. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    110,606
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland
    lol, you must live in la la land
     
  24. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    110,606
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland
    i say move out and move in with your friend. SAVE money.....make that your priority; do withouth uneccessary items for a year or so that way you can save for a place

    i could never fathom having a child and being at my parents home (what my sister is doing).
     
  25. THoC

    THoC New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Messages:
    7,341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TRampa, FL
    i hope she took the advice... 3 yrs ago! lol
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page